'Top Chef's Kristen Kish Tells her Coming Out Story

When you feel that pride inside, it comes with confidence

It comes with an extra layer of empowerment. You are bringing the style to Top Chef this season

It is so killer. I am loving every single look. I want you to tell us a little bit about your style evolution

You know, my everyday life is exactly what you see right now. It's a sweatshirt, it's a hat, it's no makeup

up. And so obviously when I got this hosting role, like I knew that we had to step it up. Like I

understand how television works. I think the best thing that Charlotte, my stylist, what she has done

for me is that she kept on my pace, but she like, she kept pushing just a little bit further each

time. And she let me do it in my own time. If you look back to season 21, my very first outfit

like for the elimination challenge was a black jumpsuit wearing very little makeup. I don't think

we even entered into the realm of fake eyelashes and jewelry and all that kind of thing. But I think

I had to ease into it. And everyone on production, no one forced me to all of a sudden show up glam

to the nines. So in my own time, I got there. And I think as I got more comfortable with my role

and understanding what that role was and what it needed from me, I was able to kind of step into

the fashion thing and kind of get a little bit more comfortable with it. But, you know, from the

start like charlotte will tell you the first few fittings was probably very funny for her also

slightly consuming she's like wait we're gonna do black job suits and i was like maybe no i love it

you are really killing it with the looks i want you to if you can go back to your restaurant wars

elimination what was that like to be executive chef and then to be eliminated i think i have a

better understanding of what it feels like i can look back at my younger self going through that

and like I'm like oh my god good for you girl like you pulled up your bootstraps and you went

back in there but as I'm going through it it's like the first like I didn't know anything better

like I knew that top chef one person's gonna win and everyone's gonna get eliminated at a certain

point and it felt my first feeling when I got eliminated was relief because I was tired I was

exhausted mentally and physically I think that judges table was going on for I mean back then back then stew room was like eight hours It was crazy And so like it was well into like 2am for standing there And I was hungry and I was tired And I was like so when I got relieved and I was eliminated I felt okay finally I can go sit down I can eat I can like sleep

very quickly. I realized that the desire to make it back in was far more than what I ever expected

it to be. Do you much prefer being on the opposite side, being able to sit down at a table with your

fellow judges and eat some delicious food? Yeah. I mean, yes. I think that there are so many great

chefs. So many of my friends have gone on and competed over and over and over again, and they

are just so good at it. I don't think that is the natural skill set I have. I would entertain

competition cooking shows, but in a less serious, like weighted way. So like for charity, perhaps

or if someone said, Kristen, would you like to go on the Great British Bake Off? Absolutely. Yes

I would. So I think that, um, it's not about all competition cooking shows that scares me

it's top chef and knowing that it is like, I mean, it's some serious. Like it's hard. It is hard

I don't, I don't need to feel that again. Is there any other reality television show

that you would do that maybe doesn't even involve cooking? That doesn't involve cooking. I would

like to be on American Ninja Warrior. I don't have, I don't have the skillset for it. It has

nothing to do with feeling good at it. I just want to try it. I want to try it so bad. I want to go on

American Ninja Warrior. Oh, I'd like to do like three days of alone, but paired with

an actual survivalist. I would only last three days. What motivated you to do Top Chef and be

a contestant, knowing that being on reality TV, there are cameras constantly surrounding you

And in your book, you talked about how you have always dealt with anxiety

Yeah. So Top Chef happened because my boss at the time encouraged me to do it. And she

just didn't come at it with, you know, I think you'd be really good at this. She said no you need to go on it One we need more women representing on television Two you can do it And I can see something in you that you know that you be able to hopefully succeed in this process of Top Chef

You talked about how people thought that you and Stephanie Smarr could have been in a relationship

Were you ever nervous about letting more of your personal life come through on television when at that point you weren't publicly out yet

I mean, when you live your life in a closet for a long time, I'm not worried about anything slipping

Like, it's not like you're holding a secret of something, like something that doesn't mean a lot

I had been living 28 years in the closet. Nothing was going to get slipped

I was not worried about that whatsoever. You know, the speculation of my best friend and I, I think, is completely ridiculous

It undermines real queer relationships. and it also undermines the friendship of women

For that assumption to be out there, I found it more of telling about who was making the assumption

than it had anything to do with me. So I wasn't worried about it

because that's my best friend. Like, what do I care? Tell us a little bit about your coming out journey

What was that conversation like on that video call with your parents? Well, it was before video calling was actually a thing

So it was a good old fashioned cell phone. It was a phone call that lasted five, 10 minutes

of the actual subject, but it felt like eternity. And I think that anytime you are revealing

something about yourself that you have held secret for so long, there's shame in that

And to hold it from two people that I know do love me unconditionally, it made the phone call

feel longer and more pressurized. But the second it came out, weights lifted off. There was no doubt

in my mind that my parents loved or cared for me. And I think it was more of an admission to myself

than it was to them. Yeah. I also really loved your brother's reaction. Yeah. Very just cool

Great. Love it. Can't wait to meet her. Scott, your ex-boyfriend was also such an important part

of your life. As you dated him for five years, was there any like nagging feeling deep down that you

knew that it would never work out? Oh, I always knew it wasn't going to work out. I wanted it to

work out so I didn have to deal with coming out and being gay because that felt so much more overwhelming than to just live peacefully with my best friend And you know I think I didn have the strength or the understanding to know that

love can feel so much more empowering when done authentically. And so rather than feeling

content or complacent or codependent on another person, that true love is free

Tell us about your first being in that first same-sex relationship. Like, what was the feeling of when you knew that this fit for you

Oh, I knew even before the first relationship. Like, I knew what I wanted to feel

I knew what it was like to have a crush and all those things geared towards women, not men

And so to be in it, you know, I was young. There were things still that I didn't know about myself

But I think that the greatest thing about that first relationship, even though it did not last forever, building the confidence over the years to not feel so terrified at being publicly out

It's like practice, right? You like the more and more you get used to it and the feeling and what it feels like to live genuinely, authentically yourself

So what makes you proud to now be openly embracing your sexuality and married to your beautiful wife, Bianca

I'm proud to be her wife, first and foremost. I'm proud to feel the way that I feel

And I think that that's an indescribable feeling. When you feel that pride inside, it comes with confidence

It comes with an extra layer of empowerment. I love that you said that you didn't want to get married initially

And here we are. Here we are. Yeah, very much married. Yeah, I didn't want to get married because I hated the institution for saying that I couldn't

That allowed people to go elope in Vegas to some random stranger on a drunken night because they were of the opposite sex

People in long-term loving relationships who actually really wanted to create a foundation of the future in marriage because they were the same sex could not

And like that didn't sit well with me. And to, you know, I was, I was angry and I think I didn't want to get married because I was angry

But when I met Bianca, I found love that outweighs anger and hate all day long

Thank you