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The day I left my husband Darren two
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years ago was the worst day of my life
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and also the best. It was the day I
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chose to protect my daughter. It was the
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day I chose to put her safety and her
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happiness before a marriage that had
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spanned over two decades. And I thought
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for a moment that I'd finally put the
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worst of it behind me.
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But two years later, I found myself
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sitting next to the man who attacked our
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daughter at my best friend's wedding.
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And today, I'm going to tell you how
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that led to me walking out of that
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wedding, cutting off a 30-year
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friendship, and finally finding some
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real peace. The unthinkable betrayal.
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Two years ago, my eldest daughter, who
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is now 19, came out to us. It should
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have been a moment of celebration, of
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love, of support. But for my husband,
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Darren, it was a moment of rage. He
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physically attacked her. I won't go into
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the details, but I will tell you that
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the sound of my daughter's cry and the
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sight of her fear is something that will
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In that moment, something inside me
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broke. I knew I couldn't stay.
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I knew I couldn't let my children be
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raised in a home where they weren't
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safe. My second eldest daughter, who was
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11 at the time, saw everything. The
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younger two, who were seven and eight,
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saw the state their sister was in, the
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state their father left her in. My
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eldest daughter now has a restraining
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order against him. And I have sole
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custody of my three younger children.
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Darren has tried to fight me for custody
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for the last 2 years, but when you have
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a criminal record for beating up your
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child, the courts tend to side with the
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mother. My friends, a group I'd known
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since primary school, all told me they
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had cut contact with him.
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They knew what he did. They were my
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support system. Or so I thought. The
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wedding and the setup. This past
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weekend, I went to my best friend
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Rachel's wedding. We've been friends for
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over three decades, and she's a huge
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part of my life. My kids even call her
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their auntie. Her husband helped me pack
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up my life after what Darren did. So,
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imagine my shock when I saw Darren at
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the ceremony. I froze. My first instinct
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was to confront Rachel, to ask her why
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he was there, but it was her day. I
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didn't want to cause a scene. I told
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myself I would just avoid him and talk
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to her later. But then I saw the seating
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plan for the reception. My name and his
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name were one after the other.
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Rachel had put us at the same table with
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the rest of our old friend group. Two of
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my other friends from the group
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convinced me to stay.
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They told me they had no idea why Darren
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was invited and that they would make him
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regret being born if any drama started.
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I trusted them. I wanted to believe
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them. And I desperately wanted to see my
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friends who I hardly ever got to see
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anymore. So I sat down
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and he sat down next to me.
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He looked at me, a smirk on his face,
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and said, "Hey, babe."
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In that moment, all the anger, all the
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fear, all the trauma came rushing back.
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I wasn't at a wedding anymore. I was
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back in that house trying to restrain
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him while my second eldest called the
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police. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't
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stay there. I downed my glass of procco
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and without a word, I walked out and
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went back to my hotel. The cold reality.
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The next day, I got a message from
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Rachel. She apologized, but then she
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said something that absolutely shattered
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She told me her mom had asked her to
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invite Darren because her parents were
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paying for most of the wedding. Rachel's
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mom is Darren's godmother, and she was
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adamant that there was a potential for
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us to get back together. And the seating
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plan, that was also her mom's doing.
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Rachel then said she didn't tell me
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because she thought I wouldn't go if I
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knew. She was right. I wouldn't have
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She prioritized her mom's money and her
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mom's delusional fantasy of us getting
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back together over my safety and my
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She knew what he did. She knew how much
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I had fought to get away from him. And
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still, she put me in a situation where I
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was completely blindsided, emotionally
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vulnerable, and in the presence of my
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abuser. I didn't respond to her message.
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I didn't know what to say.
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How do you respond to a person who would
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betray you like that? The final straw.
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After blocking Rachel and her husband, I
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talked to one of the members of my
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friend group, a guy who had also been at
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the wedding. He apologized for
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convincing me to sit down at the table.
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He said he was so focused on having the
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group back together that he didn't think
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about how it would affect me.
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And then he told me the most horrifying
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thing of all. Apparently, when Rachel's
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family members asked where I was, Darren
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told them that seeing him reminded me
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too much of our son who died 2 years
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ago, and that's why I had to leave. He
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was talking about my daughter. My
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daughter, who is a very much alive,
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thriving trans woman. He not only used
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her coming out against her, but he was
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now using her identity to spread a
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disgusting lie to cover his own ass.
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And apparently no one in my old friend
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group corrected him. No one.
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In that moment, I knew I had to cut them
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all off. I removed myself from our group
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chats and have decided to start over. I
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have removed myself from a group of
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people who would stand by and let my
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daughter's existence be erased and
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turned into a lie. I've realized that
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the person I was with was not the only
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one who didn't respect me or my
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a new beginning. It's been a long 2
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years. My children are all in individual
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therapy and they are healing. My second
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eldest is still petrified of him, but
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they all know they are safe now. They
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know they have a mom who will fight for
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them. And my eldest daughter, the one
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who bore the brunt of all this, she is a
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survivor. She's a fighter. She is
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starting to thrive despite the mental
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scarring and the trauma her sorry excuse
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for a father gave her. In September, she
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will be the first person in our family
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She is taking a page out of the petty
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queen's book, as she says, and getting
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her revenge with a life well-lived.
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And I couldn't be prouder. To anyone out
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there who is going through something
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similar, who feels alone or who feels
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betrayed, remember this. Your job is to
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protect your children.
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Your job is to make sure they feel safe
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and loved no matter what.
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And if anyone, even a friend of 30
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years, gets in the way of that, they
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need to go. I may have lost a friend,
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but I gained my sanity. I may have lost
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a husband, but I gained my freedom. And
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most importantly, I gained the knowledge
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that I am a good mother.
