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hi everyone I'm Kelly ooro and this is
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adaptable Behavior explained hi
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everybody welcome back to adaptable I
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appreciate you being here today this
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will be part two of an episode on
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identity specifically related to the
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developmental age of early 20s and on
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our first episode I have uh Colin my son
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goes by Ariah crew his rap name for his
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performing uh side of things and so I
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highly encourage you to watch that first
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episode you don't want to miss it uh
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it's really insightful so we're going to
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continue our conversation with crew here
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and I appreciate you being here uh
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thanks so much for giving up your time
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for this uh project of mine so we're
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going to continue our conversation about
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identity and we're going to dig into a
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few more Concepts that are uh difficult
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for people especially in today's day and
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age uh the first of which will be on
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dating and I know that it's so different
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uh da is so different now than it was
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when I was um when I was single 20 you
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know 5 years ago we didn't have barely
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cell phones never mind apps to just
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swipe based on completely uh physical
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attributes so so thank you so much let's
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talk about dating for you um so dating
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is influenced by a myriad of things and
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when you think about we talked about
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social media in our last episode and its
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influence we've got dating apps how do
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you feel like social media or apps in
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general impact your uh interface with
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dating I mean I don't participate in
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that uh I feel like I said in the last
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episode I've already struggled with
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online vanity and I definitely don't
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need more of that in my life so I've
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scrapped all the dating apps you know my
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homies are like dude get on hinge like
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it's it's so fire like the girls are so
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bad like it's like and it's even just
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hearing the way my friends talk it's
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they're great people super authentic you
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know successful businesses chivalrous
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but it just infects your mind man and
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like and you know you can't help it too
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you know the girls have just as many
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options as we do and you know boiling
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everything down to a left or a right
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swipe is not the way I want to see
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myself you know like especially when all
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you get is Right swipes it's just
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like such a dork no no honestly like I
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haven't been on it in a long time um so
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I know how it affects those around me
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though I'll I'll look over you know I'll
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chair and they'll be sitting in theirs
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and I'll be watching them swipe and it
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just makes me sad most of the time I'll
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call them out on it you know so how do
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you approach I mean how do you approach
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dating and where do you meet people when
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you think about how people meet people
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now what for you what's that like um I
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mean I could tell you what it's like for
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my community uh it's a lot of going
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going out to bars in a lot of ghosting
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there's a lot of you know pretty
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superficial weekl long flings and
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situationships until you know someone
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breaks a boundary they lack
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communication and then they just kind of
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taper off it's really like a revolving
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door at this point for for my community
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of dating unfortunately it's really it's
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really sad to hear because you know we
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need to get in connection with people in
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real life in order to get a sense of
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genuiness and so when you think about
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for you how can you tell the difference
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between a genuine connection you know
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perhaps you've met them through a social
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media connection or in real life how do
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you gauge a genuine connection versus
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one that's you know more shallow um
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their respon is it's pretty it's pretty
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clear straight off the bat if they're
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fairly dry um uh I wouldn't say taking
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too long to respond I think a lot of
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people struggle with that but honestly
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we all have our own lives and kind of
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dropped that part of my ego uh if I'll
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send a video and if they send a video
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back and they match my energy um if
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they're not as nervous if they're if
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they're confident speaking to me that's
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usually my talltail sign that they're
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pretty genuine for the people that I
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meet on Instagram or Tik Tok or whatever
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um however in person you can tell like
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that like someone who's genuine yeah
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it's just I don't know it's whoever fits
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you know your style of communication I'm
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very direct I'm very blunt
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uh I like to be uh sarcastic and if they
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take that personally you know next door
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like that's a lot it's going to be a lot
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of work if it's too personal taking
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things too personally there's a lot of
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fish in the sea and I'm not trying to
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fish one that I don't like you know that
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that doesn't like me and that's another
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thing you know I think that's the bigger
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piece yeah that I agree be able to be
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you authentically and if you're not you
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know like I tell people I may not be
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your flavor that's okay I'm not going to
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be every body's flavoring let's let's
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find a fit when it comes to just even
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any human connection even in friendships
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versus yeah no all of it's definitely
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kind of muddled up from social media in
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general um especially dating you know
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what advice would you give someone
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looking for love knowing you know social
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media is the probably the fastest way to
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connect with people that aren't just at
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the breakfast place you went or the
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coffee line you're in or however we
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interface in our daily interactions um
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stock stop looking and talk to everyone
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you know like what's the worst don't
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limit yourself yeah just you know you'll
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you'll be rejected if you're if you're
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in line and you think the Bruce is cute
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you know hey how's your day like how
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long you worked here like do whatever
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you think would work and if it doesn't
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then next door yeah I was a door knocker
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like you're asking the wrong guy for
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dating with us like there's going to be
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a lot of NOS before you get a yes yeah
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100% for sure so one of the challenges
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that people your age struggle with and I
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I mean it it I think that that that
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number is getting even later in
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development from becoming independent
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versus um needing to somewhat rely on
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our uh our you know our families if
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we're lucky enough to have supportive
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families and things like that what does
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being independent mean to you being
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essentially you know being able to set
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boundaries with people that are trying
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Independence um I think that we're
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social creatures and we need our
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communities and we need our families and
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if you aren't lucky enough to have one
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you need your friends and that'll never
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change um but if those friends in those
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Social Circles and those families are
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trying to one control you or uh strip
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your Independence away or they're fairly
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codependent and you fold then you're
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never going to have it right so I have a
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fairly vast Community but I have a lot
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of Independence and I would be able to
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do anything without them MH um and they
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see me as independent which is why they
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want to support me mhm so it's really
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just about setting boundaries at the end
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of the day so has your relationship with
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your family changed as you've become
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independent they like me more um they
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give me a lot of Grace for the
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outrageous things that I say and I find
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a more personable connection with not
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only you but my dad and my my siblings
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that choose to engage with me and um I
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just they just know I'm not to be
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with you know like in our last episode
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you talked about you know your changing
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gears from you know leaving college and
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going into sales and you learned a lot
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about yourself through that path and
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then you've you know you've really
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decided to pursue this Artistry and in
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becoming a rapper do you have do you
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have any internal voices that say you
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know I'm going to really hit hard for
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this amount of time and then at this
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other point you know I may pivot and go
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another direction or is that not part of
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your current goal setting or plans or
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any of that at this point because the
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average person changes careers I think
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it's like five to 10 times so you know
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that's a totally normal thing but I just
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wonder for you what what what drives
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that or what's what's going on there
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well that's definitely a internal battle
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you know the Seesaw of you know I would
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save the majority of everyone's lives um
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I there's a say in the music industry
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that I didn't have a plan B and if you
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have a plan B then more likely than not
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you're you're you will resort to it
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because plan a is really hard you know
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you'll get a lot of judgment you'll get
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a lot of NOS it's a lot of failure this
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isn't even music this is acting this is
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anything to do with performing right and
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I try my best to always Manifest this is
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my only only plan mhm at the end of the
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day I know that I made a very good
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living at a young young age with little
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experience um doing sales so I know I
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can always fall back on that but I try
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not to project that to the universe just
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eye on the prize put eye on the prize I
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don't got no plan B okay that's you know
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that's okay because I think that maybe
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there's also enough confidence in you to
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know that like there's plenty of backup
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possibilities if you need to that's just
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not where you want to put your energy
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yeah if I sit down at an interview more
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likely than not I'll I'll be taken for a
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call back yeah for sure that's that's
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good I I think that's really sound
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advice you know knowing that a plan B
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could happen if needed but that's not
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where you focus your energy and I think
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our energy goes in the direction or you
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know our success goes in the direction
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our energy flows so I think that's
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that's a really smart plan and you know
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we grind and most of us grind and do you
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know things like waiter or whatever
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until we get to whatever the next thing
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is to you know put food on our plate and
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things like that so that perseverance
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and resilience is also part of the
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grittiness of needing to try something
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that's hard and it's a bit out of an out
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the arena you know right yeah for sure
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so every person that finds success would
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talk about relationships as part of the
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factors that influenced or were were um
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factors in their ability to become
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successful so when you think about
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relationships and what they teach us
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about ourselves um how have your
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relationships helped you understand who
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are I guess it depends on the
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relationships I have a lot I have a lot
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of very different relationships with
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different people for different reasons
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so I'd like probably a more specific
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question to be honest that's fair um
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when you think about relationships for
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example in your industry how how have
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you found those to be fruitful or not
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helpful okay um I find that more often
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people that are befriending me for
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Access are usually bad bets uh people
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that provide access in the first place
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are who I focus more of my energy on um
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but like I said relation the
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relationships you have are inevitably a
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reflection of you and the boundaries you
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set right yeah I'm going to Prett be
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pretty redundant on that you know the
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majority of how I manage relationships
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is do not cross this boundary and if you
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cross it once then you can come to me
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and apologize and ratify whatever you
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did and if not then next door but you're
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open to circling back and repair I'm
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opening to I'm I personally am opening
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open to circling back once MH um and if
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you double down on whatever boundary you
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cross in the first place then it's up to
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you to reach out and I'll forgive you
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right if you do it again it's the same
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same proc you're not going chase people
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but you're definitely um open to
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conversation oh yeah yeah yeah what
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what's important to you in a
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relationship what what what do people
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need to possess to be in relationship
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with you don't slam my car
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door if I call you you might need to
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reprocess that I think there might be
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something more there that's a big
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reaction dude don't slay my car door
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that's it like it's so I have a couple
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rules it's fairly simple the second is
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if I call you call me back when you see
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that I called youh um and the third
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thing if I ever catch you in a lie I
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will not Circle back MH I'd rather have
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you tell me something I don't want to
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hear and work through it in a 10-minute
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conversation than you try to hide it and
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think I'm going to judge you for it and
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that's with my friends too I think that
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that's a value you learned in our home
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because there was plenty of constructive
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tension and opportunities for hard
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conversations but I think what I hope
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that what too many opportunities if you
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didn't see the last episode two
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parents but I think that it's really
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important to note that
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you know you learn what you lived and so
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you know there were many years where Dad
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and I were in a lot of conflict so you
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saw a lot of conflict repair resolution
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connection and so I think you saw that
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it's possible if people are willing to
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go back and face those difficult
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conversations and constructive tensions
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and important part of growth we don't
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grow when we're comfortable so yeah I
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definitely am not going to model like my
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relationship off of the way way I manage
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a relationship especially long-term one
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um the way that you guys did it I hope
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not I hope it's more of a day reflection
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than a when my boundary is if you slam
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my car door I will not speak to you
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until you apologize very I have a lot of
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patience to sit in my chair you know
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yeah that's that's cool so is there
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anything else that you want to share
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with us before we wrap up for the day
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yeah codependency album out fairly soon
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no I uh I definitely think that at the
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end of the day um patience is a virtue
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uh if it's meant to happen it will is
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not something I believe in uh I think
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it'll happen if you make it happen and
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if you try enough times you know
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repetition consistency is how you know
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you change it's how you change the
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people around you um and it's how you
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impact yourself in positive ways you
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know don't ever sit on the sidelines and
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the bleachers and think someone's going
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to throw the football to you MH you got
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to get out you got to get out there yeah
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you know and that's one thing I've I've
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always really respected in you is that
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you are not afraid to try hard things or
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or difficult things or learn something
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new and I think that's one of the things
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that makes you pretty cool 100% right
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like you're not going to learn how to do
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it unless you fall right all right well
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I I really appreciate you being here
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today and I know we talked a little bit
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about how this would go I think that um
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I'm really pleased with with the topic
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and you have so much wisdom and insight
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and I really appreciate you sharing that
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and and again your authenticity and your
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honesty and your cander I think our our
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reflections of of of you but it's also I
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think inspirational because people your
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age have a harder time with those uh
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attributes and so uh not all but but a
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lot and I just I I am appreciative of
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you showing up like that and day and uh
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he will be having an album that comes
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out cepen it's called
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codependency and on that topic there's
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another show on codependency if you
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don't know what that means uh you can
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learn about that but uh it's been a it's
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been an influence in you and learning
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about that concept and topic and so I
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think it'll been one of the more
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interesting uh Behavioral Health
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Concepts that I've I've there's a lot of
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banter we have at our house about those
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topics so so and again thank you so much
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for being here I appreciate it and thank
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you all for tuning in to our show today
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I hope that you enjoyed it and can share
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it with someone that might find it
15:45
beneficial again if you didn't see the
15:47
first one Circle back and catch that one
15:49
it was a fun a fun one to do and until
15:52
we meet again don't forget to lead with
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love it'll never steer you wrong