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Anne-Marie joins us for No Filter to chat about her new single 'Depressed', how she looks after her mental health and the struggles she's faced as a new mum. #annemarie #motherhood #newmum #parenting #mentalhealth #depression Subscribe for regular entertainment! http://bit.ly/1qyfc2T Watch videos in full + exclusives here: https://thisisheart.co/heartglobalplayer Honest Celebrity Interviews: https://thisisheart.co/honestinterviews Music Artists: https://thisisheart.co/3YVm8wN Film and TV Stars: https://thisisheart.co/filmandtv _ We're the UK's biggest commercial radio brand creating memorable moments with the most recognised names in entertainment!
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0:00
I feel like I'm trying to be like the perfect mum
0:03
There's just so much that happens in a day that you can't control
0:07
It's just a really hard job to be a mum. Hey, I'm Anne-Marie and this is No Filter
0:16
Well, when I sat down in the writing session for this song
0:21
I was kind of thinking about what to write about and I feel like I'm over the hate your ex movement
0:30
which I've done for years. And I just wanted to be like really real
0:35
to what I'm going through now. And sometimes that's scary and I do it as much as I can and as honest as I can
0:44
And I did that with this song. It wasn't a plan to put it out
0:48
It was actually, we were planning to release music next year. So I just kind of threw this out on TikTok
0:54
just to see if people liked it. And they did. And it is, I mean, I know a lot of people are going through stuff
1:05
but I think when you see it in real time, the response to a song like that and the comments
1:12
it just blows your mind to know that we're all the same
1:18
I feel like that's what's made me feel more than anything, is that we're like, you don't feel alone
1:23
And I think it's really important and it reminds me to keep writing songs about what I'm really going through because people are going through the same, unfortunately
1:38
Yeah, I mean, I wrote this song like two months ago. So it's very now and I just remember sitting there going, what am I actually going through
1:51
And I've felt depression in so many different ways in my life
1:55
And it's all different feelings. And sometimes it's hard to pinpoint what it actually is
2:02
Because you think, oh, is it anxiety? Is it this? Is it this? And it all comes under that umbrella of depression
2:09
I recognised it in lockdown. And then after I had my first baby, that's when the postnatal depression happened
2:18
so it felt like a very true thing to talk about and something that I'm trying and have tried to
2:25
articulate as well as I can but also tried to make it sound a little bit cheery because
2:33
I weirdly like writing sad songs that feel happy and they're a bit confusing but my aim of this
2:42
song was just to hope that people that are feeling a bit low at the moment could listen to the song
2:47
and for like three minutes feel a little bit happier That was my goal I don feel like it a weight no I feel like it almost a weight lifted because it
3:00
something that I've been able to actually express and I can now sing it every day and
3:06
feel a little bit better. But also I guess what I'm going through now and being a new
3:11
mum, I think when other mums come forward and say I'm three months after giving birth
3:17
and this is exactly how I feel. I just feel like, well, thank God I've written it
3:22
for them to maybe understand it better. Because when it was lockdown
3:29
I remember feeling sad, but it wasn't crying. And I always thought that being sad was physically crying
3:39
And I felt a new world of sad. And I was like, what is this
3:45
because I always related sadness to crying and that's when I knew that it was a little bit deeper than just crying
3:54
and then, yeah, it's been a journey and I know that people are in different phases of it
4:02
and some people are just recognising it, some people have had it for years
4:06
and hopefully, yeah, this song makes them feel heard and seen. yeah I think the reason why I share so much online is because when I was younger and I was feeling
4:23
maybe alone or a bit rubbish I I feel like I didn't know anything about mental health and I
4:32
didn't know anyone else that felt the same and I I just as soon as mental health started becoming
4:40
more of a talking point and people started talking about it, it made me understand myself
4:45
better and helped me out. So I think the goal of mine is to, whether it's about body confidence
4:51
bullying, like anything that I've experienced, I want to talk about it because if that helps
4:57
someone understand and recognise a feeling that they're having and knows that they can
5:04
get help with it or it gets better, then I want to talk about it
5:10
My support system in life right now is my therapist, family, my partner, my babies
5:21
I think you have to almost see it though because I think a lot of the time, especially if you've expressed it to people
5:32
I think everyone around you is trying to help but sometimes when you're low you don't think that they are and you feel alone
5:39
but I think what I been trying to do is notice that people are a positive thing in my life and every day I wake up and I got my babies and every day I wake up and someone come around to help me just deal with something really basic in
5:57
the day and I'm trying to really appreciate that and see the happiness in that so yeah it's up and down
6:07
I'm quite bad with boundaries I'm not gonna lie I struggle with that and I speak to my therapist
6:18
about it all the time but I think it's hard because as a kid I didn't talk to anyone and
6:25
I didn't let anyone know how I was feeling and I think I almost flip-flopped the other way
6:31
completely and overshared everything and it became really difficult to keep some things to myself and
6:39
like deal with some things and it all just became about saying it and I think what I'm trying to do
6:47
at the moment is put some boundaries in place you know like protect myself protect my energy
6:53
but also share um but yeah it's the boundaries is a is a hard one to do especially if you're
7:00
like a people pleaser because you don't want people to not like you and you feel
7:06
like if you don't do something then they won't like you so it's all a bit of a mix
7:12
If I was to talk to my younger self I would probably say to not try not to feel shame
7:23
I think shame is such a bad thing to feel and it stopped me from talking to anyone
7:32
And it was just like the bad feelings of embarrassment, scared of being judged, the shame
7:39
And it just is so overwhelming that you don't talk. And I think once you realise that all that is doing is trying to stop you from being better and happier
7:51
and as soon as you say it to someone, anyone, it can be literally your dog
7:58
Like if you say it out loud, if you write it on a piece of paper, if you have a therapist, if you don't, if you have your parents
8:05
if you have a best friend, if you have a stranger on the bus, if you're just chatting, as soon as you say something
8:13
it is about 99% less scary than you thought it was. so I would always say speak it and don't be ashamed
8:27
Thinking of myself has always been difficult, especially now with babies because, you know, they come first to me
8:39
and that often means I don think about me So again really recently I been trying to do stuff that makes me feel better
8:50
Because I know that if I feel better, my babies are happier
8:54
So it's just doing it. So like I went to the gym for the first time the other day
9:01
And today I'm going to the dentist. And I'm slowly trying to implement things that I used to do all the time without care
9:09
that now all of a sudden feel so hard to do. So I'm slowly doing stuff, remembering that if I don't look after myself
9:19
then I can't give people anything. I think when my kids are older, I'm going to always be very open with them
9:32
about talking about anything, honestly, anything and everything, because I feel that when I was younger, I didn't feel like I could
9:44
So I want them to understand things. I want them to find their own way in things
9:51
but I also want them to know that I will never judge them for anything
9:55
And that's a really big thing to me. And from suffering with major social anxiety
10:01
I'm trying my hardest to make that not reflect onto my daughter at the moment
10:09
So I'm trying to make her as confident as she can be just so she never has to feel what I feel
10:16
It's hard because I'm, again, speaking to my therapist about parenting that's called good enough parenting
10:22
because I feel like I'm trying to be the perfect mum. There's just so much that happens in a day that you can't control
10:32
It's just a really hard job to be a mum and trying to teach as much as you can
10:39
but also not suffocate in what you've experienced and try and protect her from experiencing it
10:46
because she does need to. So it's like a, I need to get, I'm still working on it
10:56
Oh, God. I hope that the world looks optimistic and free. And I'm sure there's going to be aliens around us at that point. So we're not going to have a clue
11:14
But yeah, I'm hoping that it's free and I don't feel attacked every day
11:24
And yeah, it's a big question. But yeah, I'm hoping that they're free and happy
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