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This is Why Love is so Hard - IMPORTANT!
38K views
Sep 9, 2022
Relationships are hard for all sorts of reasons. Couple that with the moments when life just gets in the way of things and it can get pretty hard. And this is why love is so hard. There are so many variables at play. In this episode, we’ll explore some of those reasons. But just because love is hard doesn’t mean it’s not worth the effort. Because it most definitely is. Being aware of the challenges you will likely face in a relationship will help you to navigate your way through them. So sit back and take notes about all the ways you might find it difficult to be in a relationship. Website: https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/ Relationship forum: https://forum.aconsciousrethink.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AConsciousRethink Recommended relationship counseling service: https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/RelationshipHero-YT Disclosure: this description contains affiliate links to select partners. We receive a commission should you choose to make a purchase after clicking on them.
View Video Transcript
0:00
Hands up if you find relationships hard
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Yeah, I thought so. And if my wife was here, she would raise her hand too
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We've been married for 14 years and we have two children together, but it's not all been plain sailing
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You see, really relationships aren't all cute smiles, warm hugs and sweet thoughts
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Real relationships can be hard work. Emotionally hard, mentally hard and even physically hard
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But why do they have to be this way? Why can't we enjoy the bliss of a Hollywood ending
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Well, I'm going to give you eight good reasons, starting with You have to make decisions as a team
0:38
If I was single, I could go backpacking around the world on my own terms
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I could choose where I go, what sites to visit, and how long I want to spend in each place
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But add my wife into the mix, and suddenly we'd have to agree on all of those things and a lot more
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And you know what? Real life is a little bit like that backpacking. trip. I can't simply do whatever I like anymore. I have to make decisions together with my wife
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so that we can be both happy. Now whether now or in the future you will have to make decisions
1:09
together with your partner. Decisions such as whether you want to get married at all, whether you
1:16
want to have kids and how many, where you want to live, what you should spend your money on and
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a lot more. And this can be difficult when you are so used to doing as you please. You will
1:28
have to make compromises. You'll probably argue about some decisions. You may even resent to your
1:34
partner a bit when you don't get things exactly as you'd like. And I know it can feel as though
1:40
your life is being constrained, especially if you've enjoyed total freedom up until now. You
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have to think about someone else. Trust me when I say your world doubles in size when you enter
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into relationship. You can no longer afford to only consider your own life, your thoughts, your
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feelings and your desires. You have to think about your partner too. You have to act in a way that
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respect them. For instance, I wouldn't dream of going out drinking with my mates after work
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without at least consulting my wife about it first. That's just basic courtesy. The same can be said
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about making big purchases or how you act around their family. You have to ask yourself
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how your choices and your behavior is going to affect them. You also have to remember things
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about them so that you can act in ways that bring you both peace and happiness
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What's their favorite ice cream flavor? What are their pet hates? When are some
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important dates that mean a lot to them? If this all sounds like a lot of pressure
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you'd be right. Relationships do put pressure on you to get things right as often as you
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can. They don't always meet your expectations. You may believe that the right
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relationship should be easy That it will solve a lot of your problems They bring you happiness that you been searching for Only it won be easy It won solve all of your problems It won bring your instant and everlasting happiness
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Take it from me, you will need to put a lot of care and attention into your relationship
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in order for it to grow into something healthy and long-lasting. You can't go into relationship with some unrealistic expectations and not end up disappointed
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You may be wondering why I'm telling you to lower your accent. After all, the advice these days seems to be to keep your standards high and never settle for less
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Well, yes and no, don't accept shitty and abusive behavior from your partner
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That goes without saying, but don't expect them to be perfect either
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You're not perfect yourself. Be realistic about what your partner can and will do
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Learn to accept their failings. Don't put them up on a pedestal and wait for them to fall
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That's just unfair. People come with baggage. You have a past, right
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So does everyone. Most importantly, so does your partner. And their past can impact them today
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It can influence how they think and act. Which can be a problem for you because these are events that took place before you came on a scene
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You have no first-hand experience of them. At times, their behavior may seem irrational and go against their usual character
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It can leave you feeling confused and helpless. I get it. You want to be a good partner, but you are worried that you'll say or do something that will upset them even more
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You can talk about their past all you like, but your understanding will always be limited to a rational and factual point of view
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It's not going to be subjective. You won't be able to understand your partner's thoughts and emotions because you haven't lived through their experiences
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And I know it's hard. You'll feel useless. You'll probably wish these things
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could just be erased from their past, but they can't. And then there are the more practical forms of baggage
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such as children from their past relationship or the financial problems and health issues
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When you join together with another person to form a partnership, you have to accept all of their past that is coming with them
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just as your past is coming with you. Nobody's perfect. Just remember there
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We all need a long time. We humans are social creatures, but there comes a point when all of us need some time to ourselves
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But relationships can get in a way of this alone time. You may live with your partner and spend most of your free time with them
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Withdrawing for a bit of peace and quiet is not always as easy as it sounds
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And if you and your partner have different needs when it comes to your alone time
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it can cause a lot of problems. If they want to be with you but you prefer to be by yourself
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you're faced with the dilemma, surrender, your own. alone time or risk upsetting your loved one
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What a person to do when neither option is very appealing Now I an extrovert and my need for alone time is fairly small but I sure that many of you watching out there are introverts as well And I sorry
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to say that for you guys, it's going to be much harder than for me. I know you need that time
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and space to gather your thoughts, find your center, recharge your batteries, and your relationship
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can get in a way that will leave your feeling mentally and emotionally drained. It will feel
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like a struggle at times. You have to be vulnerable. No one will be
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walks around as a completely open book. You will undoubtedly hide some of your concerns
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your anxieties, your fears from other people, people like your colleagues, your friends
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and sometimes even your family might not actually know what is going on inside that head of yours
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Not all the time. But a healthy relationship requires way more openness and vulnerability
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than you're used to. My wife, for me, is the person that I share most with. And over time
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your partner will likely become that person for you, person that you will be most open with
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And you'll share your feelings with them, your thoughts, your dreams, your worries
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and even your insecurities. And being this open with another person is not always easy
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And I know you're basically risking pain and hurt. You might not receive the response that you like
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Not always. You may spill your guts out and your partner may stare at your blankly
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not knowing what to say or do. Or make some flip and comment about. how sensitive you are
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Many people aren't emotionally intelligent. Remember that, especially us guys. It's not your partner's fault
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but you will feel let down, upset, and even angry at them at times
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They're not new and exciting forever. You know what it's like when you meet somebody new, right
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There's the excitement, butterflies, anticipation, that you finally found your true love
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and that life will be much better from now on. You breathe in new air, you see things through different eyes, and you both absorb and radiate
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different energy. Only it doesn't last. It doesn't last that long. Things become familiar. They
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become the norm, even repetitive. That's just the natural evolution of any serious relationship
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You soon realize that maintaining that bond of affection requires a lot of energy. You have to work at your
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relationship. Sooner or later, you are going to disagree and you are going to feel disappointed at
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times. All relationships have their ups and downs and you have to be willing to ride this roller
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coaster knowing that it won't always be exciting, at least not as exciting as it was in the
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beginning. You chose them. Love is both a feeling and a choice. When you enter into a relationship
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with somebody, you are choosing them as your partner in life. But you are bound to have
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doubts It perfectly normal Is this the right person for you Do you see yourself together with them for the rest of your life Do you even want to settle down right now Is there somebody better out there for you I know it scary to not have answers to all of these questions This uncertainty actually happens for most people at some point in their relationships even after years of being together
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When you hit bumps in a road, you're faced with yet another choice
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Do you end the relationship and go your separate ways, or do you double down and put everything that you've got into getting through this rough patch
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Facing such forks in the road is difficult, I know. knowing that your life can change one way or another based on a single decision is a daunting prospect
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It can be stressful and mentally draining to go over things in your head again and again
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It's not like your family where you can't choose them or it's like your friends that you have many
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You have to be ready to commit to this one person and mean it
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Now there are hard and hard relationships. Now I don't want you to watch this video and despair
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That's not my aim at all. All I'm trying to do is highlight the fact that relationships can be tough at times
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But it's not all doom and gloom. While even the very best relationships have their challenges
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they are also packed full of laughter and joy and good times. And this is the difference between a hard relationship
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in a sense that it can be a struggle, and a hard relationship where it is always a struggle
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If you find that most days bring you more difficulty and friction, then they do love and unity
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it's the right to, question the relationship that you are in. You should never give up easily on the relationship
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that you have poured your heart and your soul into, but neither should you stay in one that has
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consistently brought you heartache and stress over a long period of time. In other words
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if there is a chance that things could go back to a point where joy and peace rule in your relationship
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fight for it. But if you no longer see there as a possibility, it's okay to end it. A good and healthy
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relationship should give you a net again. It should give you a much
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more than it takes from you. The good times should vastly outweigh the bad ones
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That's worth remembering the next time you complain that your relationship is hard work
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Now, that is all from it today, and I hope that you enjoyed this episode. I hope that it brought
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some light into what relationships can be like, and I hope that you appreciate me sharing my
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personal experience with relationships. And I hope that you will do the same. Write down your into the comments, write down your experience
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Share your thoughts. We love to read them. And if you have any ideas about any topics that you
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would like us to discuss in the future, write it down as well. And don't forget to like this
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episode, subscribe to the channel and press that bell for any notifications of any
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upcoming content. And I'll see you next time. Bye
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