The Unsealed x Shenise Raw Footage

I'm going to start, I'm going to mute everybody. And while we wait for Shanice

I will interview my own mother who doesn't know if she's about to get interviewed

Shelly, we're going to talk to Shanice today about the challenges of being a single mother

and how she went from being a single mother to an entrepreneur and also a published author

You were not a single mother, but you were a working mother. How many challenges do moms have on a daily basis to just get everything done in the day

And you had the luxury of also having a partner. Yes, and that was a very, very big help

But from the moment you wake up, you have to get your children up, dressed, fed, on the bus

get yourself up dressed bed ready for work make a pair go out after they get on the bus you go to

work uh while you're at work on your lunch break maybe you buy some food for dinner if you're

lucky enough to have that time and luxury uh then um if you have uh if you can leave your job and

show for your children activities you do that if not your children stay in an after-school

program and then you pick them up after the after school program, take them home

Did you have friends that were single mothers? I do not recall

Is this Shanice? I think this is Shanice. Well, no, you do

Shanice, is that you? She true? Yes, that's Shanice. there she is i was still my own mom so thank you mom

so remove spotlight we're gonna add chanise um welcome chanise first of all big

turn your camera this way so we get a better view of you oh okay yeah i can't turn it oh don't worry

about it then not a big deal okay it always looks best horizontally but that's fine as long as we see

you and the lighting looks great um welcome to our show congratulations you messaged me today that

your ebook um has hit amazon is on sale that's amazing first off um how did you end up a single

mom where did your story begin yes so my story began um many many moons ago and first and foremost

thank you for having me I'm very excited for being here and um I'm excited to be here and um I just I

can't wait to dive in and tell my story so I um became a single mom many many moons ago I was

like 2021. You got muted. I'm sorry. Sorry about that. Somehow you got muted. There we go

Okay. You were 2021. Yeah, 2021. And I was in a relationship that wasn't really healthy. I was

you know, super young, didn't really know what I was doing. And, um, I'd actually left the

relationship and I didn't find out until months later that I was actually pregnant. So, um, I just

kind of made the decision to kind of stay on my own and, and just kind of take it from there. And

I really did put my life into perspective. I went back to school and, um, I finished my undergrad

at. And, um, so yeah, so it just kind of, you know, put my life back on track or on track

So I was a young Miami girl. So what challenges did you get? A lot of people get pregnant and

they drop out of school. Um, you got pregnant and said, let me, let me get my life together

What challenges did you have managing having a baby and then trying to get to Monday's class on

time? Yeah. So the challenges were basically just support. I didn't have a great support system. So

a lot of times I would have to find childcare that had like extended hours in the childcare

with extended hours, you know, of course cost more money. So I had to pay, you know, for extended

hour childcare. And that's pretty much where my support came from. And just, it was the toughness

of going to school and finding support was was really my my greatest challenge well was there a

moment where you're like I want to quit this is too much this is too hard how I can't do this

anymore and if so what was that moment yeah I had several of those moments and um and there were

times where I did quit I had to you know stop and then you know just kind of recalibrate and just

kind of get myself going again. Those moments where when I was just overwhelmed, I'm like

I don't think I could do this. You know, I came from a community where I didn't think school was

for me. I didn't think that, you know, this was a goal that I could attain. And I just didn't have

a lot of role models and people that I could, you know, emulate. And so that that was the challenge

for me, but I, you know, eventually, you know, got myself back on track, I guess, if you will

And, um, yeah. And then I, you know, eventually finished school. What was motivating you in those moments of struggle, in those moments of exhaustion

in those moments of, I need to take a break? Um, I'm sorry. Can you hold on one second? I

have something that's distracting me. I'm sorry. Can you turn that down? thank you sorry just trying to think this thing was distracting that was my son by the way

so um so yeah so what was your question again what motivated you during those tough moments

oh yeah so just wanting to create a better life for my son and making sure that he i could provide

some level of normalcy for him as much as I possibly could. And that was the thing that

would always get me up and going again. In those moments where I had given up, I just, you know

I said, I have this kid that I'm responsible for, you know, and I, you know, I have to continue on

I have to finish. And so that was my biggest driving force. When you went to school, what was

the dream? What did you want to become? What did you want to do? So initially I went to school for

accounting and I wanted to become a CPA. Um, well actually let me back up a little bit. I had

actually started, um, a trade program like earlier on, like learning accounting. And, um, after I

learned accounting, I was able to, you know, get decent paying jobs. I don't, you know, not paying

a whole lot but enough because I was a bookkeeper by trade And I thought oh wow you know I could take this further I basically do everything an accountant does I just don have the degree the credentials So that when my son caretaker a woman an older woman that

came into my son's life, came into our life. She was his caretaker. She convinced me to go and get

my degree. It didn't take a lot of convincing, but she was definitely the, I guess, the last

person to give me advice to do it. And I just went ahead and did it. And I started out in accounting

and then eventually changed my mind. I realized like, yeah, I don't want to continue on in this

field. You carry to this day envelopes. You wrote about this on the Unsealed. You posted this letter

on the unsealed envelopes with $25 in each envelope. And then when you see a single mom

you offer help. A, how do you know who's a single mom? And two, B, why do you do that

Yeah. So for one, I kind of intentionally go into spaces, you know, where I knew I used to go

you know maybe like value stores where you can get products and items a lot less expensive than

you can get in a regular store and if I see a woman you know with a with a with a child or you

know maybe multiple children I'll just kind of spark up a conversation with her and then

just kind of you know talk about my story and then eventually I'll either get them to say oh my gosh

yes, I'm a single mom. And so every time without fail, I've always had, you know, a mother to

you know, kind of be a single mom. So I guess I know the look. And so, yeah, so I started doing

this because I just wanted to help women who I felt, you know, were struggling and may have been

in a position that I was once in. And just basically being the help that I knew I needed

I just wanted to be that person that I could have had, you know, someone, some stranger just to walk up to me and just kind of give me a little bit of relief

And the first few times I did it, it was a very rewarding feeling

And I'm like, wow, this is my contribution to, you know, and to giving back and also to helping, you know, families in need

And so, and me doing this, not even in the best financial situation, but, you know, I'm a heavy believer in the more you give, the more you get back

And it's not always tangible ways, you know, to be done in favor

And so, yeah, so it's just, you know, for me, it was just mostly just a rewarding feeling and just knowing that I just helped out someone who was in a situation that I recognize

Any reactions that really moved you? Oh, my gosh. I had a couple of people just cry and like, oh, my gosh, thank you. How did you know? I'm like, I don't know

but um you know but i understand you know how it feels and i kind of describe that in the um

in the letter um because i do include in the envelope a letter in a prayer and i just

describe you know what my situation was and how i understand that sometimes you know even 25

dollars can make a world of a difference it could get bread and eggs it could get soap

toiletries or, you know, just even put gas in the car just to get them through a couple of days to

payday or something. So. And today your son is now 20 years old. Yeah, he's grown. So how

how did you end up where you are today and what are you doing today? Well, yeah. So I, um, I had a

career, I started my, my, um, I had a job, I guess you will, um, working in a support role

using my bookkeeping, um, certification. And, um, I eventually finished school after

and I was working in the public sector and I was like, wow, I really like service. I like

serving my community. I like being a civil servant. So I think this is where I want to be

So once I made that decision, I just progressed my career in the public sector

I started in a super hybrid administrative role overseeing social services for a special district, a community redevelopment agency that worked with the underprivileged community

So I oversaw a lot of the social services programs and oversaw the budgets and did the procurement for it

So I was like, I kind of like this procurement thing. And then I eventually just kind of took my career into that direction and that path

And I've actually worked in every form of government. I've worked in municipal city, municipal county, state, quasi-governmental special district

And I've progressed my career all the way up to the federal level

So now I work for the federal government in procurement. But you're also an entrepreneur

I am. So it's like, where do I find the time to do that, right? So, yeah, I am an entrepreneur

I host my workshops virtually and also in person on the weekends

Yeah, on the weekends. So I formed a business called the Behavior Etiquette Institute

So many, many moons ago, I started out as a traditional etiquette consultant

But since then, I revamped the program and has now more of an emphasis on social behaviors

teaching people how to be kind and courteous and just reminding them the importance of being kind

and courteous and also teaching cognitive behavioral techniques helping people to understand

their unhealthy behavioral patterns where they came in and how to dismantle them and we replace

them with some etiquette techniques so and you will also as we mentioned earlier just came out

with a book and it's I actually saw this quote somewhere and I kept I loved it and I repeated

it to like five people and then I saw it was the title of your book and it's called let go or be

dragged love that concept either let go something or let it basically drag you down um what is the

book about why that title and how you're writing a book yeah so um you know I'm still a human being

I'm still a girl I'm still a woman and I'm not exempt from all the things that we go through

as people um unfortunately I wasn't in the healthiest relationship and um I decided I wanted

to turn lemons into what I say, lemon meringue pie, because we're beyond lemonade

So, yeah, so I basically took every, you know, not so healthy decision that I made in that

relationship and I turned it into a guide as to what not to do And I developed yes And I developed a theory etiquette one be kind to you first And I just kind of tied my you know my behavior etiquette institute business into the book

Just thinking about how as etiquette consultants, we're always emphasizing the importance of extending kindness and courtesy to everyone else

But very seldom do we, you know, emphasize the importance of extending that to ourselves first

Because at the end of the day, if we're not kind to ourselves, then how can we genuinely be kind to others

So it has to start with us. We have got to be good to ourselves because if we're not good to us, then we can't be good to others

Genuinely. Have you got to touch a hard copy of your book yet

Yes, yes. I recently had a book launch event and it was a great success

I sold a lot of books and did a lot of talking

I think I'm still on that stroll of just talking about the book and just, you know, excited about talking

But but yeah, so I was pretty excited when I got the first copy

I was like, oh, my gosh, this this is really happening. But I really want to help a lot of women who have been in that situation and just teach women how to be kind to ourselves

because as you know, those things can weigh on our mental state. And I'm a person who

already, you know, have challenges with depression. And, um, I was diagnosed with depression

anxiety, and panic attacks and, you know, being in unhealthy situations, whether it's a platonic

friendship, whether it's work or whatever, it compounds that. And it's just not good for our

Okay. Um, when you held that book in your hand, did you think about the 20, 21 year old version

of yourself that was pregnant and like a little bit scared? Oh, absolutely. I was like, wow

I can't believe that I'm here. You know, this is such progress. Um, making healthy decisions for

myself, having the courage to walk away and to let go. And, um, and again, the title of the book

is girl let go or be dragged a girlfriend's guide to not getting played or playing herself

and that is taking accountability for these decisions that we make and these unhealthy

situations that we remain in and we know we should let go because at the end of the day

it affects our mental and emotional state i'm guessing you are based on your son being 20 and

you having him 21 you're about 41 years old now do you look in the mirror and be like damn mom Good

Proud of yourself? I think I have not. I don't think reality really set in

I'm just kind of just going, going, going, going, going. And I don't think it really, really hit me as of yet

But most certainly, I am mostly proud of the progress that I made with my self-love

and just the healthy decisions that I know at some point I'm something emotional

but the healthy decisions that I now make for myself and just walking away from things

that do not serve me and getting and just getting

the help that I need and not being ashamed of it and not being ashamed of speaking about it in terms of mental health, because speaking

about it and walking away from unhealthy situations will set other people free

And I don't want anything that I've ever experienced, any adversity I've ever had in

life, I don't want it to ever be in vain. I want other people to to be able to just kind of take from my my story and just, you know, be empowered to just make better decisions

What do you hope or think that your son has learned from watching you all these years

Oh, yes, he has definitely been here to experience it all. the one thing about the relationship that I have with him, I've always been very open

and transparent with him about, you know, about everything. And we, mental health is something

that we talk about. It's a conversation that we have in our house constantly, just making sure

he's doing okay mentally and giving him the space in the room to feel comfortable to open up and

talk about his mental health. He is a champion for mental health. He advocates for it as well

And I'm just really proud that I was able to raise him to be okay with speaking up when he's not okay

and not, you know, further perpetuate the stigmas that are placed on people who are

dealing with mental health challenges. So that's another very proud moment, I should say

Does he ever say to you, mom, I'm really proud of you and all you've done

Now he does. Before, I don't think he really, really grasped what was like happening and what was, you know, taking place

Now that he's a little bit older and his crown to lobe is maturing and developing more

I think he now has a better understanding of life's challenges. and he's probably experiencing his own as a young man and things are now you know being able to be

to be brought into perspective for him wow now i understand what mom went through and you know what

she was doing so now he says it to me i noticed a lot of young men who have single moms they're

very good to women they have a higher level of i just like respect for i think women because they

so are so appreciate their moms and know what their moms have done for them um what do you hope

when people read your book and learn about your life that people take away from your story you

said you want none of your pain and your struggle to go in vain um what do you hope people learn

yeah so i just want um honestly i just want women to understand that

it's okay to let go. I feel like society, societal pressures is what forces us to stay

in toxic situations. You know, there's so many, you know, stereotypes about single women, you know

you know, if we don't have a man, if we don't have a baby, if we don't have a child

we don't have these things and something is wrong with us. And it's far past time that we start

saying it's okay if we don't want these things and it's okay if you know the situation that i'm in

is not healthy and i need to leave i don't want women to feel pressured and staying in toxic

situations just to fulfill some societal pressure i want women to read this book and hear the stories of other brave women who shared their stories and even insight from men and say wow you know what I can let go I could walk away from this It not serving me

and um i have the courage and i have the strength to do this because everything that they need is

within them and you know just want them to feel empowered and encouraged and just transformed

after reading this book i love that deandrea um wanted to ask you for some advice for a single mom

raising small children she said what are the best ways to set aside the necessary time for yourself

in order to get your business started or while you're chasing your dreams

so you can provide the life you want for them? How do you kind of build your life

Why does it work in the bathroom? Working in the bathroom. That's honestly the only time you get privacy

No, I'm just kidding. Put the babies on a schedule and put them to bed early

and put them on an early schedule and make sure you're carving out time

to focus on, you know, your business, to focus on your goals, to focus on you. And, you know

just making sure that the kids are on a schedule. That's a really, really, you know, important thing

or key thing to do. I read also, and I'm not a mom, so I'm saying, I don't know, but I read that

children do best on a schedule, that they thrive with being, with routine and being on a schedule

So, oh, go ahead. Sorry. No, I was saying it makes them a little more disciplined

Yeah. Jake has a question as well. Jake, what you got? Thank you for having me today. Could you hear me

Yep, we can hear you. Okay. My question is, you've written the stories for others

but what did you learn in the process of writing it that you wouldn't have

otherwise learned? What was a light bulb moment for you, so to speak

The fact that I was so transparent and vulnerable, and I didn't think I had the strength or the

courage to do that because I was a person who was always very private, always very concerned

with the opinions of others. And when I went through this unhealthy situation, I said, no

no, this is a story that, you know, these are things that need to be talked about

These are things that, you know, we have to start, you know, putting to the forefront because

it may sound trivial to some, it may sound minuscule, but when we're in unhealthy situations

it spills out into other areas of our lives. It affects our work productivity

It affects our parenting, our mental state. And, you know, are we spazzing out on people because we're, you know, just not in a good

place mentally and emotionally. So it's important that we talk about these things

And I just feel like it's been trivialized so much. and um this book is mostly a book about relationship with self than it is a book about

relationship with anyone else it is the book that is going to give accountability and you know with

that accountability is going to come making better decisions healthier decisions for ourselves

so I hope that answered your question Jake yeah just to follow up if that's okay or oh absolutely

um so the ladder as you mentioned the ladder is very high to climb how do we take the first step

though in gaining our confidence to tell our story okay for me I can tell you from from my perspective um

when I was in that situation what I experienced or what I felt was anger

and it was anger towards myself it wasn't even anger or it wasn't I was hurt obviously but it

wasn't as much hurt and pain that I was experiencing it was more anger towards myself

because for one I knew better and everything that I experienced in that situation

I allowed you know I could have walked away a lot earlier on but I didn't and I stayed and

I held myself accountable and I was so angry with myself. I said, I have to do something

And the first step that I did, which is a very therapeutic exercise for me

is to write down all my thoughts. So I wrote down everything that I thought that I did in

that situation that was unhealthy and that was harmful to me. And once I had this list of 25,000

items. I'm exaggerating, by the way. But once I had this list of items and, you know

unhealthy decisions that I made, I was like, wow. And that was one of the first steps for me

Thank you very much. You're welcome, Jay. Thank you. Shelly had a question too. Shelly, what do you have

I was just wondering beside the book what are your future goals

oh thank you so much Shelly for asking that question so this book is um the first installment

in a three series um three-part book series so um finishing the other two book projects

and I am actually right now working on a production to bring this these three books

or this book series to film I mean not film but well you know what I'm gonna speak it into existence

but first theater um so I have someone actually you know working with me creating a script

to um to bring it to theater and um yeah and and then so yeah so I'm simultaneously finishing out

the other two books and so yeah so these are the future projects um I just did a

a table talk production that I produced. I was the executive, I am the executive producer

and first time ever doing it. And it turned out amazing. And it's not out as of yet, but

all of the participants, I had a few actresses come and sit with us. They were like

we need to turn this into a podcast. I'm like, I don't know. I wasn't thinking about podcasts

but I don't know who knows. So that's a possibility. Shanice, would you mind putting the link for the book in the, in

in the chat? So anyone who Jake wants to know, is it available on audio

So anyone who's interested can find it? Yes, absolutely. So I, I'm not as technically savvy

and I am working on a device that I don't know how to operate my

Oh, okay. So, so can you text it to me and I can put it, if you text it to me, I'll be able to do it

Okay. So it's just, it's my website right now. So right now the book is

my website and you can place the order there. By next week, the book will be out on all of the e-platforms

I don't have audio as of yet, but audio will come before the end of the year

But next week it will be on all the electronic book platforms

I'm going to ask a technical question. Are you selling them directly from your website and then mailing them out

yes I'm shipping them I got questions about that that's later um so I just put your website right

in the site for anyone who's interested um has this process of writing and inspiring and helping

other people have been healing for you oh my gosh yes I am finding so much strength within myself

just talking about so much, but mainly about mental health because that is something

that is very, very important to me. Very important. I want to dispel the stigmas

that are placed on mental health. There's so many of us that are dealing with it

and we're too embarrassed and ashamed to talk about it and we won't get the help that we need

So anytime I get the opportunity to speak up about mental health, I am

And to let people know there isn't a face for it. There isn't, you know, anyone can be dealing with it

You know, even someone that may look wealthy. The crisis in our country right now

the rates of depression and anxiety are through the roof. Yes. Yes

So, so yeah, so it's giving me strength and courage, courage that I didn't even realize

that I had and um I'm stepping out and and you know just really being brave and I'm proud of

myself in that regard uh the book is about healthy relationships you mentioned it starts with the

healthy relationship with yourself but since writing this book since um kind of having that

realization have you had a healthy relationship with with someone else well I haven't dated since

And I have been uber focused on just uber focused on the books and the other projects surrounding it and in my career

So and also I would be remiss if I didn't say this

One thing that I did and another thing that is helping me and has helped me in this process was kind of going back from when I was a child and doing the things that I've always wanted to do and never did

and maybe some of the things that I did. I, as part of trying to, you know

further enjoy my own company and being able to enjoy me and be okay with being alone

I started doing some, picking up some very healthy habits. I exercise more now

which is really good for the serotonin and dopamine for the mind. That has been helping me

It's been helping my physical health and some underlying health issues that I've had. I've since then learned tennis. I'm playing tennis. Um, I discovered that I'm

athletic. I never realized that. No, I didn't. I was always a real girly girl and I just put in my

purse and my lipstick and stuff. I never realized that I was athletic until, you know, the last

um, almost two years. And then, um, I box, I love boxing. That's good for the serotonin

what and it's oh I just love it get the adrenaline going yeah now good people and you feel better

it's amazing right you feel amazing poor punching bag but um yeah me too that I punch the pads

they hold up the pads oh okay I like that too right I actually like the pads better than the

punching bag I love pads me too yeah so so yeah so that and then I kind of got into improv and um

Wow. I love improv and and I'm doing stand up comedy now. So amazing. That takes a lot of courage

Deandria, I hope I'm saying your name right. Did you ever have moments where you were

unmotivated in the process of writing your book? If so, how'd you push through those moments

let's see there were moments when I had gotten writer's block and um I'm like oh my god oh my

god oh my god and what I did in those moments because it started to become discouraging I gave

myself grace and said it's okay if you're having a moment focus on something else focus on something

else or do something else and then give yourself a day or two and then try it again and when I was

having those moments I gave myself grace took the pressure off of me because I'm like I write this

book I gotta finish this book I want to finish it by such and such time but I started giving myself

grace in those moments and you know just redirecting my focus and then come back to it at a later time

and then I'd be able to get right back into the swing of things so yeah so there were definitely

moments where I felt that way. I read something. These numbers are not correct, but it's somewhere

in these like ballpark or this extreme, but it said something like 79% of people want to write

a book, but only 1% of those 79% will actually do it. That number isn't right, but it was something

to that vein where it was like a lot of people want to do it and not a lot of people actually

follow through so kudos uh gerald one has a question as well and we've missed you gerald

i'm so happy you're here i missed y'all too it's good to be back on yeah yeah um uh this is awesome

um i'm just really enjoying listening to you uh just share your experiences so far it's got me

hype like it makes me want to run right now oh wow yeah so uh i just i was just curious um how

did you feel when you finished writing your book? I'm going to be very honest with you

I didn't really, I didn't really take it in. And I've had so many people say, girl

you wrote a book. You're an author. Like, take it in. And I'm like, yeah, okay. Yeah

I don't, I don't know if it's just, I haven't reached that moment as of yet. And, and I wanted

just to make sure that I was being very transparent and very open. I should be a lot more excited

about it, but I don't know, for some reason, I'm just, I'm not, I'm like, yeah, I did. I did that

Now, you know, it's onto the next. And, but definitely this should be like a huge highlight

you know, for me, because this is a great accomplishment, because like Lauren said

you know, most people start, but not finish or want to and not pursue it. And I did it all the

way through you know maybe it hit me in another week or so maybe tomorrow i don know but right now maybe that awesome though that amazing writing a book so i feel like you

such a hustler that you go from like okay writing the book now i gotta sell the book very much like on to the next and you probably got that from being a single mom you didn't have

time to just be like okay let me celebrate it was always the next thing all right

Lauren yes that is so true and um I don't know if that's a good thing or not but I

I just remember even sometimes you know when I tell my story I'm just talking like yeah you know

I'm at school I'm this and you know I was working two jobs and and I it wasn't and I'm going to be

honest it wasn't until maybe like four years ago when I was telling someone like yeah you know we

hadn't seen each other in years and we reconnected and I was telling her you know just catching her

up on life and she was like stop celebrate yourself she said I don't think what I like that friend

right and I'm still looking at her like what are you talking about because like you said Lauren for

me it's like I have to get up I have to do it I have to go I just never really had the time to just

sit and and relish in what I did and celebrate and I think that I picked up I also think sometimes

when it's your own life you're just living it you're not like how amazing is my story right like

this is just and i remember i did an interview with a young girl she's 16 17 years old and she

had a very bad stutter and she was struggling with um social anxiety because of it but she

wanted to run for class president and she ran for class president gave a speech with her stutter

and won and she's telling me sorry yeah i went yeah i ran for class president i wanted and it

was like so nonchalant I'm like wait what stop like that's amazing and she goes it is and that's

like I feel that in you too like you don't recognize the your own accomplishments because

you're just you're just this is just you living life and yeah you you've overcome so much you've

persevered through so much you've um just been incredibly resilient and you show up with a smile

on your face and ready for the next challenge. And I think that's a real testament to who you are

and to why you've been able to succeed. But I also think your friend is right. Just don't forget to

celebrate you because there is a lot to celebrate. And when you really stop and look at your story

and read your own story, it is impressive and it is incredible. And I hope that you can see that

even though you're so close to it. Yeah. Thank you so much for that. I appreciate that. And

thanks Gerald for that question and for that realization. Thank you. That was a wonderful

epiphany. It just, yeah. Thanks to you both for that. Of course. And Jake wants to know

similar question. How do you celebrate the little wins? Example, today I finished a chapter

well i um i do like to eat so and so i'm here in atlanta georgia and we have

great restaurants here i'm sorry i'm a girl right i'm from my y'all got some good food there

i am from miami florida born and raised um i just you know moved to atlanta a few years ago

sorry Miami but Atlanta got some really good restaurants so I treat myself to you know I'll

do like a an appetizer or something or you know I'll treat myself to a nice meal and um that's

kind of like how I celebrate or um I just discovered that I really like my soaking tub

so i i like that that's how i would celebrate put some candles on let me chill

yes i'm like i have deprived myself all these years this soaking tub thing is wonderful i

brought my little ipad up and i watched some outlander i've i've been binge watching outlander

which i love jamie freezer i don't know if anyone watches outlander it's a really good show on

Netflix love it I don't know it yeah um a question that she wants to ask at this time

D'Andrea have I been saying your name right is it D'Andrea yes all right yeah like yeah because

like I have like a whole story with my mom like if she's like it's D'Andrea but I prefer D'Andrea

fine. I like D anyway. But okay, so my question is like, okay

as a single mom myself and I work and I'm trying to like

I'm trying to do all these different things for everyone else, it's so hard

for me to like take time for myself because it's like I feel bad for

it because it's like I already work a job where I'm of service to everyone

and then it's like I take care of my kids I go sit with elderly lady like with a elderly lady

that I grew up with in church it's like I feel like if I ever stop to like really just take a

moment for myself that I'm gonna let everybody down or who's gonna check on these people if I'm

not doing it and it's like I have like so many things that I've started but it's like finishing

is just so hard and it's like how like as a single mom how did you like manage that because a lot of

things that you said like they resonate with me because like that's currently like my life and

like where I'm striving to like I literally just hit like a different season of my life so it's

like how did you how did you work with that how did you you know like take out time for you but

also like make sure everybody else is straight even though it's not necessarily your duty but

because it's like in your heart to do it like how did you how did you how you did what you did

basically I'm just gonna be very honest with you I'm very similarly to you I was the person who

I want to say I was the matriarch of my family but I was definitely the person who

my family kind of came to for everything and I'm not just talking about my immediate family

and because I love my family and I love my friends my loved ones I was the person who was there just

oh I can help you with this oh I can do this when they came to me asking for help or needing help or

even sometimes me just offering the help and um and people just kind of became you know I don't

to say dependent upon me, but they just always came to me because they knew that they can get

whatever it is that they needed from me until one day I got, you know, a not so great health report

and it was all stress related and it was connected to depression and all of these things

And I had to say, it's either me or them. And I was the person who would just give, give, give

give give give give so much of myself to I was depleted so I didn even have energy sometimes and um and I had to say Hey girl you need to start putting yourself first Like it good You know you have a big heart and

you want to help people and stuff like that. You know, that's, that's okay. But you want to be

here. You want to be around to see your son, you know, reach a certain age, because if we don't

put a hard pause on these things, it will start to affect our physical health

I am a living witness to that because I experienced it. So I started having to say no

I started having to create boundaries. And creating boundaries and saying no is one thing

But the most challenging part about it is enforcing them. So people will get upset with me

I've lost friends. I've lost, you know, close family relationships because I decided to finally put myself first

I finally decided, you know, I'm sorry, I can't do this. I don't have the mental bandwidth for it

I don't have the mental bandwidth to help you with, you know, trying to figure this thing out

I'm sorry, I'm tired. I can't take you or I can't do this. Just learn to say no without an explanation, mostly

and um yeah so it that's again something that starts with us and it's showing more self-love

for ourselves you know well showing self-love and extending grace to ourselves so that's how

i started it's not an easy thing to do and i didn't lose some some friendships and some

relationships but i chose me at the end of the day and i chose me because i need to be here for my son

thank you because i'm not not gonna lie like it is like for me everything affects my mental health

because i've always dealt with mental health first before i had kids like i have a bachelor

in psychology and i was diagnosed with bipolar 2 anxiety and depression but i don't i don't like

taking medicine so it's like i learned how to like balance certain things but it's just

okay like i set boundaries i said no but i always feel like say no the explanation or it's like

maybe next time or like give a false hope when it's like i really don't want to do that

yeah so thank you thank you yeah i'm telling you that was the best thing i could have ever done for

myself i wish i wish i had done it a lot longer you know before but that is the best thing i could

have ever ever done for myself I'm in such a better place mentally than I was before back then

and um it's definitely helped me even my health has improved along with the exercising and things

like that so I have more time to focus on you know you're being kind to yourself you're following

your own advice yes being kind to me so now you understand where that theory comes from

and it is important um I'm going to go to Jess thank you for the question DeAndrea

Jessica has a question too Jessica what you got welcome we can't can you guys hear her I can't hear you

no I can't no I can't hear her hello yes we got you now okay good evening everyone evening um I'm super excited that I joined I know

Lauren sends out these emails about these weekly meetings. And I'm always working. I just so

happen to say, let me see if there's a meeting tonight. It was 6.55. And so I'm also a single

mom. And so you and I had our stories are very similar. As far as being a young single mom

I became a single mom at 19 was in a domestic violence relationship. And so our stories are

super similar. And so I was actually, I have a full time job, but then I drive Uber on the side

And so at 655, I was like, let me see if there's a meeting. And I was like, you know what

I'm going to stop driving, and I'm going to go and I'm going to be a part of this meeting

And I'm so glad that I did. I really appreciate you sharing your story. Super empowering

super inspirational so much so that I was definitely listening to everything that you

were saying I was like rooting you on while you were speaking but then I even started to write

like you inspired me to like start writing some things about the white knight syndrome

which is something that I struggled with forever the constant always wanting to save everyone else

And I'm in this where I'm like, okay, Jessica, now it's time for you

Now it's time for you to heal. Now it's time for you to tell your story. So to hear where you have come from and how you have progressed, how you've persevered

is super inspiring to know that, you know, single moms, we do have our struggles and

challenges, but it's not always going to be that way. And we are going to come out of it

And we have to use, you know, the skills and the talents that we have to, you know, reach

other people. I love how you walk around with envelopes. That was super touching for me because you're absolutely right

Listen, $25 when you're a single mom, that goes a long way

And so I just think that you have such a big heart. And I just wanted to thank you for sharing your story and for being, you know, a person

of empowerment and encouragement. So thank you so much. And Lauren, thank you

I know I'm always messaging you, thanking you for the platform that you have created

for all of us. But I really do appreciate you all. And I love the family that we have, the connection and just motivating one another

It's it's super empowering and the place that I'm at in my life. So thank you, everyone

I'm so glad you feel that. Very empowering. I'll let Shanice respond. We're all saying thank you because it's so sweet at the same time

Yeah, thank you so much. I'm really like just fighting back the tears

you don't even know how you just how all of you are empowering me and encouraging me to just

you know just to keep talking and to keep keep going and to keep moving forward and just to

keep telling my story because um something that i a saying that i adopted along the way is my life

is not my own i don't want nothing that i've ever been through to be in vain like nothing

Like we can all learn from each other. We all have something to contribute to this world, even if it's not anything tangible, just sharing our stories

You know, you never know what a person is going through. They can be going through the same thing

And you sharing your story and sharing that moment may be the answer to the problem that they had or the resolve to an issue that they're dealing with

so I'm just this is empowering me and encouraging me to just keep going and just to keep

telling my story so I appreciate each and every one of you so much I don't take it lightly at all

as you as you as your wife kind of walks into the light you becoming a light for other people And I think I told you this Janice that the tagline for the unsealed is turn your secrets into superpowers

And it's that idea that those painful moments, those struggles that we've been through, those things that we'd like feel embarrassed or shameful to tell people when we put it out there, it turns into a superpower because it's healing and inspiring and a roadmap for someone else

And it's healing for ourselves, too. So those secrets, those painful things become our superpowers

Our story is our superpower. And it represents not only where we came from, but what we've overcome

And Jessica, you're writing your story right now. But you are doing it

You are hustling. You are doing what you need to get done. You're showing up here to get inspiration to fight even harder

So your story is being told. And you should be proud, too

Just as much as you say we're empowering us. we're empowering you you're empowering us too because you're you're fighting you're you're

you're pushing forward and you're you're on your way to your greatness as well everyone is

gerald thank you yeah yes yeah and um truth is power right the truth is power that is truth yes

true i see that the only thing more powerful than the powerful is the truth that's why they

want to sign NDAs at Bing companies the truth right like that's the only thing that can really

take people down is the truth and yeah but um but yeah that was really really really sweet and I'm

so glad you're here Jessica but you're making me so nervous every time you look at the camera

because I want you to look at the room what what surprises you most about your own story or inspires you most about your own story

Shanice well what surprised me the most was after I had that list of 25 million items

of horrible decisions that I made in that relationship but um I'm like wow I would do

this? I allowed this? Like, okay. All right. So how do we make this right? So that was probably

the most surprising thing for me throughout this entire project. And what was it? What was your

the second part of your question? What inspires you most about your own story

um the fact that I walked away the fact that I let go and um there were so many reasons

for me to have stayed but there were greater reasons for me to leave and the fact that

I left and didn't look back was like wow girl you really are strong like you really got it

and um because I just never thought that I could and I did and I did

Hey I am so inspired by you so proud of you and so excited for your book

Girl Let Go or Be Dragged and if anyone has any questions about where they can get it they could

also message me because I'm sure you will send me the link and I can post it in our newsletter and

on our social media. Super excited for you. DeAndrea says, I feel like I found my tribe

Welcome to our little family. We are happy that you're here. And we're so happy that you came

Janice, tonight. We love hearing your story. I love what you're doing. I love the envelopes

and your heart and your soul and your hustle. And your unsealed family has your back

Thank you so much. And you guys inspire me as well. I'm just super excited to be here, to be a part of this group, to be a part of this family. Let me correct myself, to be a part of this family. And now that my book launch stuff is behind me, I can focus more on other things that are important to me

And this is one thing that is because once I first when I first learned about it, I was like, sign me up now

I'm telling you, like, it didn't even take me not even a minute after I read the whole like the concept and everything

I was like, yeah. So I love what you're doing. Oh, my gosh

I love what you're doing. And this is this is helping so many people

and I am telling everybody about it. Like every person that I speak to

I'm like, hey, you know, there's this, you know, this group that you should join

So, so yeah. I so appreciate you. Shanice, if people want to reach you

can they follow you somewhere? Yeah. And don't talk about me because I'm not a technically savvy person

and I'm not really good with social media. Tell me your Instagram. You told me it today

and I forgot it already. Yeah. So I am, I'm just giving a disclaimer before

Especially this week. So it's girl.let.go. Girl.let.go

Yes. Girl.let.let. Okay. That's your Instagram? Yes, that's it. There you go

And I also got her website is just her name, Shanice Truesdale, which if anybody can't find something, just message me

And Jake, also one more question. He wants to know what's your non-negotiable for a future for a future relationship if and when you get in one

Yes. Thank you. That's a really good question. I'm still working on that. But what I have so far is

Just respecting my boundaries. And if I can say anything to any of you, once we set our boundaries

and if there's a person that challenges our boundaries even in the slightest and we know

it and we know it's reasonable and it's a sensible boundary and it's challenged we might want to

reconsider the friendship or the connection with that person so that is something that i've started

you know implementing into my life right now with all relationships if i say to you hey i don't have

the mental bandwidth to handle this right now can we table it and speak about it at a later time or

hey I don't like when you said this to me could you please not say this to me ever again and

if the next line from that person is yeah but no is there's no yeah but there's no but

you know we're respecting boundaries here so starting out with my my list of non-negotiables

that's probably the the first item and the item that is at the top of the list and probably will

remain at the top of this i used to say that like i have a circle of peace and if you disrupt my

peace you got to go and i remember there was someone he didn't do anything so bad he was just

inconsistent didn't know what he wanted i was like found like i can't do this anymore you're disrupting my peace and and i was just like you're you're being removed from the circle of peace

because you're disrupting my peace and he was like huh what i'm like you're out that's it oh yeah

if I connect with a person and they don't take mental health seriously, or, you know

they're a person who do not want to educate themselves on it. I can't deal with it

I worked or volunteered at a conference earlier this year with Michelle

Williams of Destiny's Child. And yeah, it was, oh my gosh, it would talk about transparency

Oh my goodness. She set me free and so many other, you know

people there at that conference free. I was going through something during that time and some, you know, just some health scare and

you know, just a whole bunch of, a couple of things, just life, life. And, and I was like

I need some more help. Like I'm going to therapy. I'm doing these things. I'm trying to be preventive

of anything else happening. And, and I'm like, I need more. And I'm like, what can I do? Like

What is there for me? And she got up there and she talked about how

she had reached a moment where she just couldn't take anymore and she had entered into a rehab

And I like rehab I like I thought rehab was just for substance abuse abuse and things like that And um and then I discovered no there rehab for intensive therapy You can go and check in

for a few days and get intensive therapy overnight. And, you know, for a few days or however long your

insurance will pay for it. And I found out insurance pays for it. So I was like, Michelle

girl thank you for that you know because whenever or if ever I was to really get to that point at

least I know I have that yeah I don't have to you know go off into the deep end I could you know

I could go to rehab and and get myself some intensive therapy so um so yeah so if it's a

a person there's the guy who does not you know respect mental health uh i'm sorry mental health

or you know therapy and things like that um i that's a non-negotiable for me i was judgmental

about it i can't it's almost an emotional unavailability to be like judgmental about

mental health right right right i want to talk about your emotion exactly so it's the their

level of emotional intelligence which is very important I think mental health is similar Like I say like do whatever there different modes to manage your mental health There therapy there writing there art there music

there's different forms of expression, but like expressing yourself in one form or another

letting your emotions out is like exercising, right? Like if there's, you don't have to be

sick to exercise and it makes you feel better, right? Like you, mental health is a constant

there's constant maintenance that comes with that. There's constant work that comes with that

Just like keeping our physical bodies healthy. There's daily work that we put in, we eat, right

We work out, we, you know, don't do substance abuses. We don't take drugs, right. There's

there's things we proactively do to keep our bodies healthy. And I think there's things you

proactively need to do to keep your body healthy and at different points of our life, depending on

what we're going through or how we're feeling or where our hormones are. Um, yeah. Different levels

of these things. We need different, um, we need different things to manage our mental health, but

it's the same as physical health. It's just a different form. Yeah. We should always be cognizant

of Well thank you so so much for coming tonight Shanice Um girl let it go or get dragged Um right yes it it girl let go or be oh be jacked sorry i got that right a girl getting played or playing herself

yes there we go got some accountability up in there girl don't play yourself girl

love it love it i'm gonna unmute everyone so they could say good night and thank you but thank you

so much for coming. You are amazing. Beautiful. You are inspiring. So I really appreciate you

coming and sharing your story with our community. And I'm excited to check out the book

Yes. And thank you for having me. Of course. And again, we will put it in the

unsealed newsletter on our social media. So you guys can check it out that way

or you can also message me and I will get any, any necessary links from Shanice

yes thank you all so much thank you for your words of encouragement your bravery for it all

so i'm just i'm here i'm family thank you thank you as well thank you thank you thank you

thank you good night i found it very interesting stay safe jessica bye thank