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(General Career Series: Chapter 9) Have you ever be formally taught how to have a professional conversation? My guess is no, as it tends to be lower on the priority list for schools. That’s what we’re here for … to bridge that gap. In this episode, we talk about the first two steps of how to have a professional conversation. We’re focussing on breaking the ice and creating rapport.
Episode link: https://play.headliner.app/episode/15943667?utm_source=youtube
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0:00
Welcome to the Reschooled Podcast, the show that discusses all the things that schools
0:17
may have missed with your hosts, AJ Couttee and Jason Gordon. Welcome everybody. Welcome back to the show. We are the Reschooled Podcast, the show that
0:24
discusses all the things that schools may not have prepared you for. As always, I'm AJ sitting
0:29
across me. Jason, Jason, how's life treating you today? Oh, pretty good. Well, I think last week's
0:34
episode where we talked about networking, I told everybody I was getting a cold and not feeling
0:39
great and stuff. Well, I got a cold and it was a rough one. Got all in my chest, all that kind of
0:44
stuff. But I'm only up and up. I feel great now. I still have a lot of stuff in my chest. So just
0:50
have to forgive the scratchy voice throughout. Might get a cough every now and then too
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God bless Georgia's pollen count. I'm expected to get something here pretty soon
0:59
I know, right? Have you seen that, like the 12 seasons of Atlanta or whatever
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Yeah, of course. One of them is the great pollination. You have that, and then you have, you know, I've always told people
1:12
Georgia has four seasons. We've got hot, hot, hotter, and Christmas. So it's a different take on it
1:20
But, yeah, we have winter one and then spring one and then winter two and then spring two
1:24
Yeah. Pollen comes out, yeah, it's pretty rough. Well, in today's episode, we are getting back into the general career series
1:32
We're in the ninth chapter now. And we're going to be talking about an extension from last episode, which was a networking episode
1:38
We're going to be talking about how to have a professional conversation for networking. So I guess the emphasis here would be the professional side of the conversation
1:45
So what do you think about that? I'm excited about it, right? I mean, we do a lot in school when we're working with students to say network, network, network
1:54
And if any teacher, professor, professional that is mentoring you is not telling you to network, they're doing you a disservice
2:01
But oftentimes what they don't do is give you good advice, good information or help you in any way learn how to have a professional conversation
2:10
That is what happens when you get the opportunity to speak with somebody
2:14
How do you turn that opportunity to speak with someone into something more than just, hi, my name is Jason Gordon
2:21
This is what I want. how do you turn it into the building blocks for a longer term, more meaningful relationship
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And we've all had those conversations where we hit it off with somebody and we're like, oh, yeah, well, I can contact them again, you know, and it turns into a more meaningful
2:36
connection in the long term, because as we talked about in networking, networking is
2:41
creating a connection that's something more than cursory, right? Well, it takes planning
2:47
It takes ability. And some people naturally have this ability to endear themselves to anyone
2:51
Well, in this episode, we are going to talk about a specific approach to when you have the opportunity to have a professional conversation
3:00
How do you make the most of it? So there you go. Yeah, I'm interested to see because, you know, I think one, I think me and you are probably going to be a little bit different on this one because, you know, there is a, I guess you would say a standard-ish when it comes to this
3:17
but there's also levels of personality that go into it because some people may not be comfortable
3:21
in certain facets or certain things that we're going to be talking about. And so I think there is a personality aspect to this
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You know, it's going to change for different people. Also, too, you know, you were kind of the head on coming up with the doc for this one
3:37
And looking at some of the main topics, I just, my mind, especially the first one
3:42
and we'll get to that in a minute, but, you know, my mind goes completely different places
3:45
and I'm interested to hear what you have to say on some of this stuff
3:49
So got to remind everybody, visit our website, check us out, listen to our most recent episodes, that type of stuff
3:55
You can find us on the major podcasting platforms, right? Apple, Spotify, those types of things, but also the socials
4:03
Check us out on the socials. We want to hear from you guys, right? We're reschooled with a D, not an E-D
4:09
You can find us across just about any platform. So do that
4:13
And if you like what you hear and you want to help us out, Leave us that five-star review. That would help us out tremendously
4:18
We'd really appreciate that. So let's get into the quick question. This is going to be a really interesting one
4:23
Give an example of the time you had an impactful professional conversation
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Well, I'm trying to think. It's a deep one. You know, it didn't result in any advantage to me in life, I would say
4:41
but I'm one scenario comes to mind where I met someone and I did all the right things I said all
4:50
the right things in a way that created a positive impression and potentially could have created an
4:57
opportunity had I wanted to pursue that in life so most people listening here knows I'm a lawyer
5:02
too before I became a professor uh 10 years ago now I was a lawyer for several years
5:10
or practicing, right? And as I was getting out of law school
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I was going into the military and I went to a tennis tournament
5:21
in Charleston, South Carolina. And I sat next to a guy and I got the tickets through my brother or friend
5:29
type scenario and they were higher up tickets, but I'd kind of gotten lucky enough
5:36
to work my way down to the lower area down there may not have been sitting where I was supposed to. But I sat beside this guy and we
5:45
started talking and we were just talking about tennis. And then it turns out he was a lawyer
5:51
So I started talking with him about that as well. And the conversation led one thing to another
5:57
I never asked anything of him, never asked anything of me, but we created a positive
6:02
rapport. And we'll talk about the different steps of a professional conversation and what you're
6:06
trying to do, but I conveyed all the right information about myself and things. And at
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the end of it, he basically presented an opportunity to me. He said, you know, if you ever come to New
6:17
York, he was the named partner in one of the largest law firms in New York. Wow. Right. And
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I looked up the law firm and his very prestigious, right. I think I would have been the only one
6:31
there who didn't graduate from Harvard, you know, type thing. And he said, when you come to New York
6:38
I want you to look me up. I want to show you around the firm and stuff like that. I'll take you out to lunch and that type of thing. And honestly, it was, you know, and I emailed him
6:47
back and forth for a while. Eventually I didn't follow up the way I should have. And, you know
6:53
the relationship broke off in terms of, you know, just having a back and forth conversation
6:58
because, you know, I did go into the military. I was occupied for quite a number of years where I wasn't able to get away and do much of those things
7:09
So anyway, I never made it to New York and stuff like that. But the actual conversation, that one interaction I had there that established some level of rapport that continued on
7:20
rings out in my mind as being probably the single best professional conversation I ever had Okay So anyway what about you Pretty good I think mine and again I using professional conversation kind of loosely
7:35
It was more of a professional setting. But I'm going to go back to what I talked about in networking
7:42
the episode last week of the networking, which is, you know, I was very fortunate to have a spot in a more or less like a roundtable discussion
7:49
where we sat in, a bunch of students and myself sat in
7:53
I guess you would say in close proximity because it was just a big round table
7:57
But we sat with the CEO of Walmart International, CEO of Big Pens, Campbell Soup, and Coinstar
8:04
And it was really like, you know, we got to ask questions about them and it went around the table
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And I happened to be the last one. And so you got to think these are very, very academically focused students that are sitting in these tables
8:20
and they're trying to be the best version of themselves they can be to impress these CEOs
8:25
So they're asking these questions like, what do you think about this policy? Or what do you think about this
8:30
And it got to me and I honestly, you know, their answers were nice
8:37
But you can tell that these people had just, they've heard these questions so many times
8:42
and they were getting tired of it. And it was almost these answers they were given was cookie cutter
8:46
And so it got to me and I'm thinking, one, I don't honestly care. about what these things that you're doing within your business, because you're at a different level than I think I will ever be
8:56
I just want to know more about you. So my question when it got to me was, what did you want to be when you grew up
9:01
And I even said this. I prefaced it by saying I'm pretty sure in your mind when you were growing up, you didn't think I was going to be the CEO of this major corporation
9:08
Like, what did you want to be? and the CEO of Walmart at the time was the, I mean, he was, he had a great personality
9:17
kind of meshed with me and just cracking jokes and stuff like that. And he said, well, once I
9:21
realized that I couldn't be in the NBA, I figured I'd go get my MBA. Now granted he's a shorter
9:25
statured person and you know, I'm, I'm laughing and cutting up with them and, but everybody else
9:31
all these other students are just almost scoffing at me. I can see their, their stares at me because
9:35
it's just not something that you would expect somebody to ask in this situation. But that's my personality
9:41
Well, I found out later on that the CEO of Walmart came back to me and he said
9:45
you know, that was probably one of the best questions that we've ever been asked of these things because we always get the same questions
9:49
And it's usually questions that, in all honesty, the students don't care much about to hear
9:53
They just want to put themselves in a good light that they know what they're talking about, stuff like that. He said, yours is more on a personal level
9:58
and that was a really cool feeling to get that that somebody wanted to know me more as a person
10:05
than my profession in itself and I was like and I told him I straight to his face kind of going
10:10
what you're saying you know you you have the tendency to tell the truth no matter who's there
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you know I said honestly I didn't care about the answers that you were given and those because it's
10:18
not going to help me much I wanted to know you just from a person and after that he gave me his
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He gave me his business card, told me to contact him later on, follow up with him
10:28
It was a really cool kind of experience that kind of put me into understanding the importance of maintaining personality, whatever your personality is
10:38
So that would be my most impactful. And that's a great segue into what we're about to go through
10:43
We're going to break down what you're trying to achieve as well as how to do it when you have a professional conversation like that
10:49
Well, on our doc, we have a list of stuff that we're going to talk about. And you kind of put this together and it seems very similar to almost a lecture, like the lecture you would have, the steps that you would go through in a class
11:01
And so the first one being breaking the ice. And this is the one I was talking about the beginning is when I saw that, I'm thinking, is it you just go up to him and go, you know, how much does a polar bear weigh enough to break the ice
11:12
Let me give him a full outline. So this is something I've lectured on a lot to students, you know, and it is part of some training I've done with students before as well
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And you have to think about it holistically. So you start with the idea of what you want to accomplish
11:28
Well, you need a person to know things about you. OK. And if you understand that most people just don't care
11:38
Right. There's no there's nothing in it for them. There's no reason that they want to know about you unless you make yourself interesting or you make it meaningful for them
11:51
OK, so that being said, how do you go about do that? Well, you know, there's a process you have to build up to it
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And so the steps that I've outlined or I've identified as as making up a conversation like that is one, you have to start the conversation, breaking the ice with them
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then you have to go through the process of building rapport. What does that mean
12:14
Building some level of trust, some level of mutual understanding between you two
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Next, you have to deliver that information about yourself that you wish to deliver, right
12:27
What you want, why you want it, and what you've done to get it. And we'll talk about that again
12:31
but what you want, why you want it, what you've done to get it. And that's part of the back and forth
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But it can't be just a lecture to them of, you know, a vomiting of information on them
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They're going to hate that. Right. Yeah. It has to be part of a conversation
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And then just as important as anything, one of the things that you have to keep in mind is how you leave the conversation, how you break away from the conversation
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It's the last thing the person that you're conversing with remembers. So leaving the conversation in the correct fashion in a professional way and leaving the door open for future contact and connection, really important
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And then that aspect of what do you do afterwards, right? How do you follow up
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So that's the complete lecture. That is what I go through on the professional conversation
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So if we can, I just want to take it one by one through there, right
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Breaking the ice, creating rapport, exchanging information, and then breaking away and following up
13:31
All right. Well, let's start with the first one, which again, I look at it almost like the pickup line
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Yeah. Let's break that ice. How do you break the ice, AJ? How do you break the ice with somebody
13:40
Like I said, my go-to is how much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice. My name is AJ
13:44
How are you doing? So that's me. With everybody? No, not with everybody
13:52
Honestly, I'm the world's worst at the ice breaking. I am the world's worst because I'm so uncomfortable trying to create a conversation with somebody that I don't have some kind of connection in already
14:05
So the walking up to somebody cold. Now, if I'm putting, like I said, if I'm putting a situation where I'm sitting at a round table and I've never met these people, I'm a little bit more comfortable because that's kind of the expectation
14:15
But me walking up to somebody cold and introducing myself, that's something that I'm very uncomfortable with in my nature
14:22
So I suck at breaking the ice. Well, let me tell you this
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Communication research shows that most people are self-concerned. People who are shy or nervous in starting a conversation in that way, the reason they aren't good at starting the conversation is because they're worried about what the other person is thinking
14:45
That's mine. And because of that, they're thinking about themselves. What am I going to say next rather than listening
14:53
So the whole idea of breaking the ice is throwing out something that can get the conversation going in a way that takes the pressure off of you of saying look my name is Jason Gordon you know and just start talking
15:06
about yourself, right? In a way that the other person just blanks out on and the other person
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right, actually cares, wants to respond. So, you know, as corny as it sounds, like everybody's
15:16
heard of pickup lines, right? Somebody's trying to pick up with somebody else. That is the essence
15:21
of the pickup line. They're so cheesy. They're so corny. It gets somebody talking. It gets
15:26
somebody laughing or something like that as part of it. Now, for better or worse
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you are in essence trying to do that same scenario, but in a professional conversation
15:38
So let's imagine the scenario where you are going to encounter someone that you want to speak with
15:45
you want to network with, whether it's at a professional networking event or group. Well
15:49
there's context there, right? They know why you're there and things like that. If it's outside of
15:55
that context, it's more just a social environment where they wouldn't expect to speak with you
16:00
Things are going to change. So everything depends upon the context of where you meet somebody
16:07
right? The elevator pitch, right? Everybody's heard that, the idea of being in the elevator
16:12
and just spilling all your information onto somebody. You would never actually use that
16:17
in that scenario. No. Nobody would ever want to hear. All of a sudden cold
16:23
Yeah, just feel about yourself in the elevator, right? No, that would never be the case
16:28
The elevator is a very awkward place, right? Everybody tends to look one direction
16:32
You don't look at each other. There's this just, I don't know, there's this tendency there
16:37
But people who are good at it even know how to break the ice. And experience shows, right
16:44
If you talk to good communicators, They will tell you that just getting some information out there of general concern, everything is about starting that level of commonality
16:57
OK. Breaking the ice in a professional setting. My number one tip there. And I think we should just give a couple of tips on just how you think it might be a good idea to break the ice
17:08
My number one tip is to scan the context and say, what is something we are experiencing mutually that both of us are experiencing here about the situation that you can bring up to start the conversation
17:24
Right. In the elevator, everything from, you know, so if you're you're the one pressing the buttons right to which floor you're going to
17:36
Just a simple comment of you want me to press the which floor you're going to
17:41
Yeah. And then some other comment along the lines of I don't know
17:47
You know, I always seem to press the wrong button and end up opening up on three floors or or I'll probably get out on the wrong floor anyway
17:53
So I'll be doing this again. Right. Just something like that. Right. That is something that everyone has experienced
18:00
It will get a conversation started. Right. That is a contextual example of how you start someone speaking with you
18:08
OK, go ahead. Go ahead. I want to hear a tip from you. How do you get the conversation going
18:14
I'd almost say and I don't know how it's going to work with the rest of these, but you're giving a good tip
18:19
I almost kind of want to focus on things you shouldn't be doing. OK. And so in this one, the first thing that came to my mind, and I've seen this before, is if you're sitting in a situation where people are talking and you're essentially eavesdropping on somebody else and you hear what they say and then you come in talking about that, that comes off as you were eavesdropping
18:38
You don't want to do that. That's something that you were not in the conversation to begin with and you don't want to force yourself into that conversation because you overheard something
18:47
Well, I agree with that. I will qualify and say this. You're in a bar
18:52
you're at an event, someone's speaking beside you, you can introduce yourself. I apologize
18:58
completely. I did not mean to be, of course, you know, and excuse that on the way in and just say
19:05
I do want to say, I found it extremely interesting that you were talking about that. And you have a
19:11
very good point of view on that. And I appreciate that type of thing, right? You can, in some
19:16
situations that skews yourself into the scenario, but you're right. Just bombing somebody else's
19:22
conversation. Terrible idea. Terrible idea. And like I said, what you said was, was a hundred
19:28
percent spot on is that if you're going to do that, because it is a great way to, to get that
19:32
connection, but just go ahead and excuse yourself that you overheard it and maybe not go into so
19:36
many details. Like you've been listening to them for 10 minutes, you know, just say, I overheard
19:40
you talking about this topic and, you know, here's what I think or here's where I maybe
19:46
agree with you on this one subject, but not, you know, reiterating the last 10 minutes of
19:50
their conversation. So. Gotcha. All right. Next topic. So my number two tip for things you can do, say you are in a scenario where you recognize
20:01
someone, right? When you find the time is right, you're not interrupting their conversations
20:08
You're not breaking them away from a group, anything like that. A time oftentimes where you see in the context where they perhaps are going to get another drink or are something like that
20:20
Right. Standing on to their cells, just, you know, sometimes just doing nothing, but maybe looking at the TV in the corner of the room
20:26
Right. That type of thing where you have the opportunity to approach them
20:33
Have a prefabricated question for them. that you can pretext with, hey there, aren't you so-and-so
20:45
And I'm sorry to bother you, but I wanted to take the opportunity to speak with you if I could
20:50
because I did have one particular thing I wanted to ask you. Now, that alone, okay, the reason it's effective is because it's not just generally they think
21:04
you're coming up to them and now they need to come up with an entire conversation to have with you
21:09
Right. Because that's work on their part. The reason people some people hate having to run into people and having conversations with people
21:16
particularly people who are higher up in organizations, they become very guarded because most people want something of them
21:23
Right. So you need to, you know, dissuade that notion that everybody who's coming up from them wants something for them from them
21:32
You can identify yourself and give them the context of just what you wanted to ask them type scenario
21:38
Now, oftentimes it turns into far more than that. Right. But with that being said, it can be everything from something personal to something more professional or something that's happening that gives context
21:53
But the essence of it is you're you're putting it on them
21:58
So you're simply asking nothing more than their opinion. You're not making it so that they have to make small talk or banter back with you
22:07
That is a great way to break the ice in a professional setting, right
22:12
It's a little more difficult in a social setting to do that, okay
22:18
Again, right, like I say, the social setting, people tend to be interacting more freely and things like that
22:23
And doing something like that might interrupt conversations and things like that so there you go that that that another tip Okay Uh I would and I mine just going to be piggybacking on yours I not going to be
22:35
very short and sweet because I think you said it best. I'm just going to put it more or less in
22:39
different words is you don't want to take the attention away from what the conversation was
22:43
to begin with. You know, like you said, you don't want to interrupt an already existing conversation
22:47
among people to force yourself into that conversation. So you don't want to take
22:51
attention away. You want to wait until you have the opening or an opening is made. Like you said
22:56
they're going to go get a drink or there, you know, there was a stop in the conversation and a pronounced stop, not like they took a breath to keep going
23:05
Right. And so that's, that's a great, that's a great tip. Number three, I'd say on the list
23:11
is have someone introduce you. Yeah, that's, that's huge. If you have the, I mean, you
23:18
You got the end. Right. Exactly. Have them to and give them the context of how you would in how they would introduce you
23:26
Say, oh, that's who is that? That's so. Oh, OK. I would love to meet them
23:30
Would you introduce me? But introduce me for this purpose. Right. We both are interested in this. Right
23:39
Whatever that topic is. And I'd really like to talk to him about it
23:43
So anyway, if you just introduce us in that context, that'd be great. that can set the stage for again establishing that moving on to that next phase that we're
23:53
talking about creating rapport so that breaking the ice there are a million different ways to do it
24:00
but ultimately your objective is to move on and create rapport and you know like i say aj i want
24:08
you to wrap this section up for us and then we'll move on to the next one what the breaking the ice
24:13
yeah I mean I think we've already hit it I mean it's it is just you know you're trying to to get
24:18
that that initial connection and like you said with the introduction if I was going to if I was
24:24
going to say something about the other side make sure the person that's introducing you has some connection themselves make sure that they're not they're not just as cold as you are and I've seen
24:33
that I've seen a lot I've seen at times where they say hey go introduce I don't know this person will still go and go introduce me and it does nothing it would be the equivalent of you going
24:42
up there with no introduction. So that would be the negative side of what you were just saying
24:48
Great advice. All right. So next one, creating rapport. You've broken the ice and you've gotten
24:54
the conversation started. Here is your objective. You need to create a situation that entails a bit
25:03
of trust. What is trust? Trust is confidence in what is going to happen. Trust is a belief
25:12
in what somebody can expect. Trust is normally gained through understanding. The quickest way
25:23
and the best way to establish trust through understanding is to demonstrate commonalities
25:28
show that you have similarities in terms of your interests, your beliefs, and your values
25:38
And I like to list them in that order. Interests is easy
25:42
You both like sports. You both like fashion. You both like whatever
25:47
Yeah, the food you're eating or the drink you're drinking, which, by the way, is a great way to break the ice, right
25:53
Somebody's drinking an interesting drink. Making a comment on it is one of the easiest ways in the world to break the ice because people who drink interesting drinks tend to like to talk about interesting drinks
26:06
Which can also be a double edged sword because if you try to order that drink, it could be awful. Yeah, I wouldn't say you try it yourself, right
26:15
But just to just to listen to someone's explanation of it, that can that can get you started
26:20
Right. But that's the starting point for creating that level of trust
26:23
interests. Okay. So whatever contextual clues you can identify. And we talk about this during
26:32
our interviewing material. We talk about reading the room. Okay. You're reading the room for
26:38
context. If you see that someone has a lot of something on the walls, right
26:45
Pictures of the beach. Yeah. Pictures of the beach, the, you know, the sports teams or the
26:50
college they went to, right? Something like that, or just affinity stuff, right? I mean
26:56
there's collector's items type stuff. People have that stuff all the time. So all of these things
27:01
sometimes, you know, just seeing what people did on the wall, where they went to school opens up
27:06
conversations about, oh, you went here. Oh, did you grow up in this area? How did you start? Oh
27:11
you concentrated in this. How did you do that? That type of thing, right? But it gives you the
27:16
things to talk about for mutuality of understanding, right? Here is where I need to go ahead
27:24
and drop the big bomb though. This is not about you. I was actually going to bring that up
27:32
Yeah. If you spend all your time talking about yourself, nobody cares. Everyone to a certain
27:40
extent is a bit self-centered. They want to talk about themselves. Okay. Everything that you say
27:47
should be in terms of, oh, I'm saying this, so you'll know it. But also, I'm curious about how
27:54
you feel about it. What is your view on things? What are you interested in? Okay. Those interests
28:01
slowly turn into things that you have a belief about, right? Interest is a little bit different
28:08
than a belief. A belief is a position on something. And if you can at least establish some level of
28:14
mutuality there, that ultimately gives way to values, right? Things that you value, things that
28:21
you believe are important. And if you get there, those are the characteristics that mark understandings
28:26
between close friends. Yeah. Right. But anyway, that's where we're going. That's what we're
28:32
trying to do. We're trying to create rapport. So AJ, when you have a conversation with somebody
28:39
right? Oh, sweet Jesus. Don't put me on the spot again. Just out of curiosity. Oh boy
28:44
What are some go-tos that you use to try to uncover their interest or to create
28:50
some commonality with them to establish that rapport? You know, honestly, looking back, I don't think there's one, I mean, there's not one go-to I could
29:00
But I think what you said is you're reading the room. So it's about understanding the person and what their interests are so you can try to connect and relate to them in that sense
29:10
And usually one good place to find that is through the icebreaker
29:16
The questions that you ask, you start to, whatever that question is, that icebreaking question or questions that you have or how you posture yourself in the conversation will bring up interest that you see
29:29
and bringing those interests up creates that connection, that rapport that you're talking about
29:35
So, you know, like I said, I don't think there's one, but usually you can tell by the situation that you're in
29:42
the people that are around them, and what's going on, where their attention goes as to what you can connect to
29:49
And I think what you brought up in the ice-breaking topic was, you know
29:53
one of the areas is if they're waiting on their drink and they're watching TV. Well, if they're watching TV, if it's a sports game on
30:00
probably interested in it. Otherwise they wouldn't be watching it. So I would probably bring something
30:03
up like that. I would probably say something about the sports team. And, and this is a topic
30:09
for another episode, but I do think there's value in knowing, um, a little about a lot
30:14
because at least you can hold your own. And if you're not somebody that's a good BSer
30:19
you need to be able to hold yourself. Even if, you know, it's a topic that you're not very
30:24
um, knowledgeable on and find details, but you can still hold your own conversation
30:30
and fortunately I have a, maybe it's hereditary, I don't know, but the ability to BS
30:37
I'm pretty confident in myself on that one, and so even if I don't watch a sports team
30:42
I'm still confident in talking about the sport or the team itself
30:47
and so that's probably where I would lead to. Well, I'm glad you brought that up
30:51
because that was my next tip on that point for creating rapport
30:56
You can scan the room for context, right? Okay. But being able to bring up topics that you know are of common concern allows you to get started. Right now, we are still in the phase of this world of COVID, right
31:15
That tends to be a opportunity to have a conversation about stuff. Avoid things that would cause conflict, right, type thing. But just allowing someone to express their point of view so you can listen to them type scenario that you value what they're saying. Anything that's happening in the news, right
31:36
At this point in time, you know, there's a lot going on in, you know, Far Eastern Europe right now
31:43
OK, that can be a topic of conversation type scenario. Again, be careful saying things that are going to establish a lack of commonality
31:55
Yeah. OK, type thing. But just listening to somebody and hearing their opinions and not contradicting and things like that can at least establish some level of understanding that can get can keep it going
32:07
OK, and I'll jump ahead of you, AJ, and I'll give my third tip
32:11
This is the last one I got. It is you can in addition to contextual clues, in addition to current events and being just generally aware so you can talk about things
32:22
Number three, I'd say is direct research ahead of time. If you know somebody is there that you want to speak to or talk with or whatever know something about them Don don give on that you know that about them but that can be the source for the things you going to talk to
32:43
them about, right? You can ask them questions about certain things, right? I always, I always
32:49
tell people during interviews, never ask questions that you don't know the answer to, but don't give
32:55
on that you know the answer because asking the question in a good way shows that you have some
33:01
level of understanding and things like that. But also you can listen intently and the other person
33:07
believes that they're giving you information, even if you already know it, right? Same way here
33:12
You know something about somebody, you know who they are sometimes. Sometimes you can even feign
33:18
that you aren't aware of that, but you ask questions that will ultimately bring that out
33:23
that will allow you to react to it appropriately. One of the things that tends to turn people off as much as anything
33:29
is when they tell you who they are and it's someone of importance, right
33:34
And all of a sudden, you draw back and become more formal, less personable with them in a way
33:41
The conversation just changes because, oh, you're important. I need to act differently to you now, right
33:47
That creates a barrier. The opposite approach would be to do something like
33:52
Yes, I'm the CEO of so-and-so. Oh, wow. That's incredible. Well, let me ask you something real quick
33:58
And just keep on in the same vein of the conversation. Act like it's not something that changes the nature of the conversation
34:07
I tell people all the time, when you're talking to someone and they invite you to use their first name, for example, don't go backwards and use Mr. Gordon after that
34:16
They say, call me Jason. That step, they have opened the door
34:22
they have invited you to be closer on a more personal level, you back away to make it more
34:28
professional in nature. It is hard to ever regain that ground. Same thing happens if somebody tells
34:34
you who they are and you're like, oh, you're someone important, so I should act more formal
34:37
and less. Well, you know, human beings are human beings across the board. That never changes
34:43
right? And you are taking away your opportunity again in that situation to create a more
34:50
meaningful, impactful conversation that can lead to a continued connection, right? You're going to make it one that's more cursory in nature
35:01
There so much strategy in what you saying because even to your point about when people say well call me so call me by my first name versus call me by you know Mr or Dr or whatever And that is such a
35:15
good way to create a rapport with somebody by taking what they're giving you and showing them
35:23
something else about you. So like, for instance, and I've had this happen to me recently, actually
35:27
I had somebody that said, don't call me doctor or Mr. So-and-so
35:32
Call me by my first name. And I said, I really appreciate you telling me this, but I have to be honest with you
35:39
If I were to call you your first name, my dad would jump through the phone and beat me
35:43
because he taught me that you don't do that in this situation
35:48
And they laughed about it, and then they started talking about how it's so important to teach respect, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah
35:55
And it was just one of those things that I showed my respect for them in that way, even though, like you said, if I was going to go do that, it was either you either go all in or you don't go at all. And I just I can't go. I'm not going to do that. And I'm going to show myself. That's how that's how I created the rapport there
36:13
So there's a lot of strategy in this Even to the questions that you said you would ask them
36:18
You don't want to ask a direct question You want to ask a question that would lead them to give you more information
36:23
So that they're telling you, even though you know it You want them to give you the information before you ever ask it directly
36:30
Like you said, the CEO, you don't want to come out and say Oh, are you the CEO of so and so? No, you want to ask a question that will lead them to giving you that information
36:37
Even though you already know that information Absolutely You know, I wish we could talk about this for weeks on end
36:45
I teach courses, as you know, in negotiations and communications both. Right
36:49
And these are topics that are interweaved throughout how you use these subtle techniques and tactics
36:56
I'll do a plug down for my website. If you want to see any of my videos on these topics about communications, negotiation tactics and things like that, you can go to the business professor dot com
37:07
You'll find lots of stuff in there. They are a sponsor. Yeah, there you go. So that's that's a plug. That's a plug for us right there. But that being said, you're right. There's a ton of strategy in how you approach it. You are strategically trying to create a meaningful conversation that will have some level of it's not cursory. It lasts. Right
37:30
Yeah OK All right So with that being said you successful in breaking the ice and starting the conversation to establishing some level of interest You may even talk about things that demonstrate your beliefs and you can establish commonalities in there It may even get to the point that you have such an in conversation They believe they understand you as a person You have demonstrated
37:50
some of your values, though that is a very late stage of development. But that being said
37:56
the next stage, you have information that you need to exchange. Well, before we get into that one, I wanted to bring this up because we're getting low on time
38:07
I'm what if we just and we're doing this live on air. What if we just make this a second episode
38:12
Because I don't want to I don't want to rush through this. I think for the readers, it would be very important for us to actually go through these things like we did breaking the ice and creating a rapport
38:19
What if we just make this a two episode? So the next episode, we'll talk about the last three concepts, which is the exchanging the critical information, how to break away and then the follow up
38:27
Because I think they're going to be able to get more information than if we just run through it in the last 10 minutes or so
38:32
I think you're right. That's that's a great idea. So with that being said, if you followed us this far, check us out on the next episode
38:39
We're going to follow this up, give you a little precursor. We're going to exchange critical information, what you want, why you want it, and what you've done to get it
38:50
So we're going to talk more about that in the next one. Awesome. Well, this is a great first show, as it was not expected
38:57
But I think there's too much information that we need to get to the listeners to be able to do it in a full show
39:02
I think we should just do it in two. So I'm glad we're going to do that. But this has been really cool
39:06
It's been there's a lot of stuff that I feel like you do this in the dating world
39:13
You break the ice, you build a rapport. Sadly enough, you know, the nature of relationships only changing the substance that it ends up with
39:22
Right. The starting point is the same, right? From breaking their ice to creating rapport to exchanging some critical information
39:30
Yeah, you're right. Well, this has been great. And to the listeners, hopefully you'll be with us next week when we finish this topic up
39:37
because this will definitely help some of you, hopefully all of you in some capacity
39:41
So, Jason, you got any parting words before we head out? Remind everybody to hit us up on their social media channels and send us messages
39:48
What you tell us you want to hear about is what we'll talk about. So that being said, we're here for you
39:53
Yeah, man. Well, until next time, we hope to see you there. Goodbye
39:58
Take care. Thanks for listening to the Reschooled podcast. Be sure to head over to Reschooled.com for news and other information on things we're getting into
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