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(Parent/Student Dynamic Series: Chapter 3) Parents naturally want what is best for their children in terms of careers. However, sometimes what the parents think is best doesn’t always lineup with what the student feels is best. In this episode, we explore the varying mindsets that parents and students may have when it comes to the student’s career aspirations.
Episode link: https://play.headliner.app/episode/15943714?utm_source=youtube
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that women oftentimes historically were forced into because they didn't have a place in the workforce
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And I certainly don't want that for my daughters. Right. I want them to understand that they would never have to marry or be with someone else for financial support
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Right. That that should be a foregone conclusion that you can earn your own money and there will be a career for you where you can do that
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not dependency on someone else, not even dependency on me, even if I could or even if I will be able to offer it
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So anyway, that would be my input. I know that's a long-winded answer there
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And I use influencer in the question, but you can also switch that with singer or actor or entertainer
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anything of that nature where the likelihood of you becoming a professional
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So making the dollars that you see as the actors and actresses and whatnot, or the singers, you can switch that out interchangeably for each of those
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My thought or my next question, maybe, because there is a lot of, well, influencers, a lot of business minded people who give advice out there
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And one of the pieces of advice is they tell you if you have this as your goal, if this is your plan and this is what you want to do, don't have a backup plan
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Because if you have a backup plan, you're more likely to not put as much effort into it because you have that safety net versus this is it, this is it
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Are you on board with that? So like if you're saying you're going to be an influencer, are you somebody who is going to be for your daughters
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Are you going to say, then go full blast and don't look back and don't have a safety plan
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Are you somebody that's going to say, well, maybe think about if this fails, what's your backup plan going to be
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well wow that's a that's a tough question for me because uh i know my answer would be but i was
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just interesting to hear yours well that's something i've struggled with my entire life
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i've been a high security comfort need person and now i you know i do have a vision of what
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i want for myself i do have a vision of who i believe i could be and what i could hope to
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achieve and what would make me contented. But I've, you know, honestly, I said I was going to
2:35
teach five years. This is my 11th year. And it's because I can't break away from the security
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of what I've got in terms of educational job to actually be what I want to be
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And in a way, I'm disappointed in myself. I don't have the
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I too scared I guess as they say because I know the repercussions The repercussions if they were just for me would mean nothing But now I have a family and I have to support them financially
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And though I do have a vision, an idea, I slowly start to realize that I may never achieve that
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And I'm going to hate it. I know at the end of life, I'm going to look back and say, gosh, I wish I would have
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I wish I could have. But I struggle with it almost every day, and I can't
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Financially, honestly, I just can't because I can't put them at risk for me because that seems too selfish
3:38
And so I guess my answer is while I can't do it, I always have to have this safety, this backup, this for them
3:47
If they truly want it, I would explain to them that if you are closing those doors, that what that means, how tenacious you have to be, how unrelenting, how mentally strong
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And if they are willing to do that and willing to be that, then I'll support it
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And I'll say, do that 100 percent. Don't, don't try to have a safety net to fall back on because you can always build a safety net in later
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It's, you know, this is one of those things as you fall, you really can build your own safety net as you're falling
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So with that being said, yeah, I'm, I'm on that page. I believe that if you truly, you know, do want to be everything you can be when it's a very lofty goal and a very low likelihood of making it that, yeah
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you can't do the second thing. And that is probably one of the reasons why I may never be who I want to be
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See, I'm on the other side on that one because I'm like you
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There's a sense of security where if you can build a safety net
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and again, when I say building a safety net or having a backup plan
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I'm not saying it's too imposing on your goal, but it does give you that
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So for instance, if you're talking about being an influencer, and being an influencer you will hopefully i mean again i don't know this for a fact and i know some
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of these the the the stories that the anecdotal evidence the stories that we we see of super
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successful influencers this is not them i'm not talking about them i'm talking about just the
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average person trying to get their their their feet wet trying to get into the space in some
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capacity they're going to have some time being able to go to college while you're doing that
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to get a degree just in case it doesn't work out, to me, is this safer move
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But again, it goes back into, you know, are you willing to take away some of that emphasis to have a safety plan
5:51
or are you wanting to go you know gangbusters right towards the goal and not look back It a tough one and that a tough one that I think parents I think that probably going to be where the biggest divide between parents and students
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are going to lie because parents, like as your prime example, you just said it, you said if it
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was just you, it wouldn't be that big a deal. But now that you have a family, meaning you are a
6:15
parent, you have this sense of security because you don't want the actions of your decisions to
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affect, you know, your family. And so I think parents inherently are going to have that, that
6:27
that need for safety. And so when it comes to pursuing a lofty goal, they're probably going to
6:34
want, and they're going to push for that safety net because that's what, that's what we have. We
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we understand the value of it. Whereas a student who is just themselves, they don't have no
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they have no family, you know, that they're supporting themselves. They don't, they don't
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have that same feeling. They don't have that same need because they don't have those same people
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So I think that's probably where the greatest divide is between the two parties is, you know
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that, that, that need for safety and where it's coming from. One, one feels it and the other one
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hasn't seen it yet. So, you know, handling the relationship again, we've said this for the past
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two episodes and we're going to say it for this one, because I think it's, it's the most important
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the single biggest thing that you can do to help the situation when there's this big divide is
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is the communication, the communication between the two parties. To be able to talk through things
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have the parents be the sounding boards for the students and the students understanding the value
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that can come from the parents. And they kind of work through this. Like you said, put together a
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plan. If it's a lofty goal, understand the perils, understand the limitations, understand
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the likelihood, the nature of it, but also understand the top end, understand the ceiling
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part side too, because I mean, obviously there's very successful influencers, singers, actors
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all that kind of stuff. So being able to formulate those kinds of things and talk through it
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and understand it from both perspectives. Again, I think I said in the first episode
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I should have said in the second episode and I'll say it in this one too, but you know, there's a sense of grace that you have to understand
8:14
You have to give, um, because they, you know, both perspectives, both ideas come from a different, uh, point in life. You know
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we have different things that we have to continue. We have to, I would not have done half the things that I did in college right now
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because then I didn't have anybody to worry about. Now I do. Um
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so I think communication is again, key. And I say this from a parent and a student
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And I say this to parents and to students. The line of communication needs to be open. The understanding of both sides need to be open
8:51
Students you need to understand that parents are doing our best We only want the best I mean I don think there a parent I hope there not a parent out there that says well I just want my student to fail
9:03
No, we want the best. And we know from our growing up what it takes to be successful
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So we have that side of it. So, you know, you can't think it from a student's perspective
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you can't think parents don't know what they're talking about. And then from a parent's perspective
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If you can't just assume that students don't know what they're talking about, you can't just assume that they're not smart enough
9:27
They're not mature enough to really understand it. They may not know every detail about it, but they're mature enough to understand it
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That's where, you know, you as a parent come in is you, you, you coach them up
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You understand, you help them understand the pieces that they're missing, but don't take that away
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That would be my, you know, my hint or my tip to make the situation better
9:54
So what do you think? That is great advice. And I think we could probably go into a whole other episode on parental advice and how you deal with it
10:07
Maybe that'll be a good one for the docket. But no, that's really I got on the topic
10:13
I think we covered it. Good deal. Well, this has been a good one. This little three-part mini-series that we had has been interesting
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And, you know, when we came up with this series, this parent-student dynamic series
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our whole podcast has been for students going into college and leaving college going into the career
10:34
We wanted to open up one for the parents but still have the student as the center focus
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So what we're hoping for is that students, you're listening to this and you're getting value from it
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But also you can take it to your parents and listen to them with them or get them to listen to it
10:49
And then you have an open conversation. You have the ability like at least me
10:54
And I would say Jason's the same way. You know, I hope we're able to open doors for you that otherwise maybe you wouldn't feel comfortable doing you on your own
11:04
And so, you know, take it for what it's worth. Use it for what you need it for
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and hopefully everything will you know your understanding on both sides will improve here and there
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where it needs to be so well this has been a good episode I've enjoyed it
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you got anything to say before we head out just remind everybody
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hit us up on the website communicate with us let us know what you want to hear because again
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and of course give us the likes give us the shares all that kind of stuff
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because that's what's going to keep us going awesome well we hope you enjoyed the show
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we hope to see you next time until then goodbye Take care. Thanks for listening to the Reschooled podcast
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