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Across all eras of human history, people have craved luxurious and extravagant foods not only to excite the palate, but also to show off social status. The aristocrats of the Middle Ages (the fifth to 15th centuries) may not have thought of themselves as "foodies," exactly, but they certainly were obsessed with exotic and delectable fare.
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Across all eras of human history, people have craved luxurious and extravagant foods to excite the palate and show off one's wealth and social status
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The aristocrats of the Middle Ages, the period of European history between the 5th and 15th centuries, may not have thought of themselves as foodies, but they were similarly obsessed with exotic cuisine
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medieval banquets were grand affairs promising a spectacle of bizarre, shocking, and ostentatious
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dishes, some of which might have actually even tasted good. Okay, time to grab a frothy glass
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of mead and raise a toast to some weird history. Sure, the period has a reputation for being less
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than hygienic, but that does not mean the people of the Middle Ages weren't health conscious in
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their own way. At the time, doctors believed health and wellness were related to four fluids
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known as humors that the body needed to maintain in harmony and balance. Blood, phlegm, black bile
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and yellow bile. It was kind of like the four beetles. Everybody had their favorite. The best
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way to keep this balance was eating the right kinds of foods at the right times in the proper
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order. These beliefs impacted nearly every aspect of the medieval meal, from the order in which
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courses were served to the time of day feasters would gather. Even the heat level and the moistness
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of the food itself was rigorously monitored. Meals were started with hot, dry foods that were
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believed to open the stomach, especially flavors that were spicy or sweet. These would be followed
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by lighter fare, such as porridges or lettuce, which were thought to settle the stomach between
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the starters and the heavier courses to follow. A very common medieval appetizer would have been
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a hearty stew known as pottage, containing grains, bits of meat, egg yolks, and seasonal
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vegetables like cabbage or spinach. Basically, a potion designed to help you clear out an Uber pool as quickly as possible
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Finally, foods like goat cheese or even lumps of spiced sugar were served at the very ends
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of meals in order to close the stomach back down. Can't really leave your stomach open all night
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Who knows what could get in there? Meals were also influenced by the time of year, as it was believed that certain foods
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were more healthy to eat depending on the weather outside. In spring, it was thought that everyone
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should avoid eating foods that would cause them to overheat, so ingredients like vegetables
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quail, eggs, and partridge were more commonly featured. In summer, foods that helped the body
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compensate for a lack of moisture in the air, such as apples, cucumbers, veal, or goat cooked
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in vinegar, were commonly served. Our most common modern visual of a medieval feast most directly
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lines up with the heavy, warming foods that would have been consumed in the winter, including rich wine
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served with spiced game meats and hens No one wanted to serve an unhealthy feast that was going to fill their guests up with too much yellow bile
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Obviously, that goes without saying. But figuring out the proper menu for a hot August night
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was just the beginning. The real key to a successful medieval feast was the spice
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Because of the great expense and difficulty of acquiring exotic spices like saffron, ginger, nutmeg
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cinnamon, and cloves, which all had to be brought over to medieval Europe from the Middle East and
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Asia, their inclusion was not only essential for giving food flavor, but also to provide an
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opportunity for hosts to show off their wealth and resources. A pound of saffron might cost as
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much as a horse, including some during your giant seasonal feast, would have been a bigger flex than
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those steakhouses that put gold leaf all over everything. Salt, in fact, ranked among the most
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prized and valuable of all seasonings, and would have been kept locked away and reserved for
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banquets, feasts, and other special events. The expression below the salt came to mean low on the
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hierarchy, because the seasoning would only be provided tableside for the highest ranking and
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most auspicious guests, as opposed to those of less importance. So these big feasts were fancy
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and ostentatious. But there were still a few modern conveniences missing from a typical medieval
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table, even in the halls of kings and queens, specifically the fork and the plate. Anything
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that you didn't eat with a spoon would have been served on top of a dry, coarse piece of bread
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known as a trencher, and then consumed by hand. Often these trenchers would sit around for days
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before the meal to become purposefully hard and stale. This made them easier to handle as food
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delivery tools, but also kind of gross. You are definitely going to get crumbs on your robe
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And these were only for the wealthy. Lower class people would have just eaten their food directly off the table
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hopefully after wiping it down with some wet naps or something. It's not like you could ask for a spare trencher
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Is my lord finished with thine stale plate? Because I'd kind of like to use it
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Does not seem like a question that would have gone over too well. Main courses at your standard medieval feast were very meat-centric
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Individual banquet menus would often feature a who's who of the available members of the animal kingdom
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including rabbits, cows, pigs, goats, fowl, sheep, deer, boars, porcupines, and even hedgehogs
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That's when hedgehogs started wearing sneakers to run fast. It was a survival strategy
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A popular practice was serving a bunch of different kinds of meats together within a single dish
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One delicacy involved stuffing a roast boar with sausages that would pour out of the animal belly when it was carved Hmm sounds disembowelicious Pies as well would feature a few different kinds of game like pigeon rabbit and pork within a single crust
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And this was definitely nose-to-tail style dining. No part of the animal would go to waste
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Even bits like the bladder, stomach, or womb of the animal would be preserved and used as sausage casing
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It is not a party until someone's eating a bladder. A wide variety of birds were popular on medieval tables
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But high-ranking aristocracy often preferred each species that were considered especially beautiful or elegant, such as cranes, swans, herons, pheasants, and even peacocks, which
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would be served with their bright, brilliant feathers and skin reattached post-cooking
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Gold leaf and other decorations would also be added to make the bird look more delectable
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and more psychedelic. Of course, all these customs would have been thrown out the window if your feast was going
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down on a Friday or a Saturday or during the annual period of Lent
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Christians did not eat any meat, eggs, or dairy during that time
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So instead, chefs would have to rely on fish and seafood as the main course
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Bear in mind, medieval zoologists took a relaxed attitude toward animal classifications
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which didn't always line up with modern-day understanding. For instance, while an all-fish menu might have included logical selections like pike
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cod, and trout, they would have been served along noted non-fish, such as whales
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porpoises, and even beavers. Beavers swim and their tails have kind of a scaly texture, so people at the time thought of them as fish
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Also, those people were really, really hungry. Even the barnacle goose, which as its name implies was in fact a bird, would have been served on fish-only days
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because the common belief was that they actually hatched from barnacles. Lent may have been God's will, but eating fish twice a week got old for some people after a while
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and many medieval aristocrats would purposefully seek out chefs who could come up with creative ways
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to reinvent these dishes and make them feel more meaty. Often, fish would be prepared in a way
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that made it visually resemble roasted pork or chicken. One trick was to fill an empty eggshell with pike roe
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so that diners could still have the satisfying experience of cracking the eggs before enjoying the delicious goop within
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But these were not the only creative additions of medieval chefs, who, just like their modern counterparts
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were equally focused on the flavor of their meals and the visual presentation
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Clever cooks of the period were celebrated for the creative means of brightly coloring their preparations, which was doubly impressive to guests
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as the ingredients used to dye foods were very expensive, and thus only in the reach of the
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wealthiest hosts. For example, saffron and egg yolk could give foods a brilliant yellow appearance
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while sandalwood was used to turn delicacies red, and boiled blood added a rich black hue
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Plus who doesn want some boiled blood with their fish Hey are we feasting or aren we Pile on that blood
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Meals would sometimes open with elaborate sculptures crafted from edible materials, including sugar, marzipan, and pastries. When presented before the meal, these were known as
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warners, as they were warning guests that the feast itself was about to begin
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Warners does sound cooler than appetizers. Okay, here are your Applebee potatoes
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Huskins, now consider yourself warned. You are about to feast. When presented between courses, they were known as subtleties
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and were sometimes accompanied by a poem, song, or brief recitation. No part of a medieval feast was complete without a good old-fashioned live animal prank
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That's right. Sometimes chefs would purposefully set out to shock and even horrify their guests
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by disguising a live animal as a fully cooked and prepared dish
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then waiting for chaos to erupt when someone tried to carve it up and eat it
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I feel like that bit would never get old. One popular variation of this trick is recounted in the nursery rhyme
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Sing the Song of Sixpence, which refers to 4 in 20 blackbirds baked in a pie
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This might have entailed actually casing live birds within a pie crust
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so that they would fly out when the pie was cut. I mean, an unexpected swarm of panicked beaks
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pecking you in the face. That is a pretty sweet prank. Learn a lesson, Ashton Kutcher
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Another table prank involved plucking a live chicken in hot water, covering it in a glaze
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to make it look like a cooked chicken, and then knocking it unconscious and placing it
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among prepared foods on the dining table. How do you knock out a chicken? Karate, I guess
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When a guest would try to carve it, the chicken would snap awake and run for its life
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giving everyone a good laugh, except maybe the chicken. unless it had a really good sense of humor
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Of course, this being the Middle Ages, the lower class tables would probably then
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be expected to chase the chicken down and return it to the kitchen. Can't be giving away free chickens
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Like any fine feast, all of these tasty treats would have been accompanied by generous servings of wine
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Many meals, including breakfast, were also often served with ale, though this would be a significantly less alcoholic drink
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compared to our fine modern-day beers. Sweet Beed, a drink made from fermented honey and water
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was also common at medieval tables, as was a kind of spiced wine known as hippocras
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which was also rumored to work as an aphrodisiac. Diners in the Middle Ages didn't enjoy
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what we'd think of today as any kind of dessert course, and would instead enjoy little bites of sweets
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like candied confections, cooked fruits, or jewel-colored jellies throughout the meal. This kind of makes sense
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considering the pie you might be served at decent odds of being loaded with live birds
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