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Neanderthals remain one of the great mysteries of human evolution. They are the human's closest relatives, but their habits elude us. We are learning more about our hominid cousins every day, but there is still so much we do not know, including the mystery of Neanderthal mating habits, as there is not a lot of evidence to describe what Neanderthal sex would have been like. Thankfully there are new advances in genetic paleontology shining a light on this elusive subject, and the discoveries surrounding ancient human mating rituals continue to develop.
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Neanderthals are one of the great mysteries of human evolution
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They're our closest relatives, but even while we're learning more about them every day
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we know shockingly little about their habits. But we do know a little about what they did in the bedroom
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And while that may seem like an unusual area of study, researchers have been able to use that information to learn more about early human history
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So, today, we're getting down and dirty with everything we know about the sex lives of Neanderthals
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So let's just get this out of the way. Human beings definitely slept with Neanderthals
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And when we say human beings definitely slept with Neanderthals, we're not talking about a bumbling ex-boyfriend failing a lie detector test on Maury Povich
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Even though modern humans and Neanderthals are different species, that didn't stop the two from occasionally hooking up
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DNA testing on the remains of a 40,000-year-old human revealed at least 11% of the genome was Neanderthal instead of the expected human
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This proves the fact that humans and Neanderthals did indeed share a bed
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or slab, or whatever got them in the mood back then. While this discovery is so far the most Neanderthal DNA ever found in a human
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there are plenty of people alive today who still have remnants of Neanderthal in their genes
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So maybe Maury was onto something with that ex-boyfriend. But we tend to think of Neanderthals as having lived in the distant past
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reaching their height well before the era of humans. So you might assume that any meet-cute between humans and Neanderthals would have been extremely isolated
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Perhaps something that occurred in the short time between Neanderthals' extinction and modern humans' prominence
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Or perhaps something like the plot of the 2014 film Two-Night Stand
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Well, you would be incorrect about the meet-cute part, not about Two-Night Stand
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First of all it may surprise you to learn that Neanderthals and humans coexisted on the planet for a pretty long while Just a blink in geologic terms but plenty of time for knocking some prehistoric boots
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Secondly, these interspecies mixers happened with some regularity. Based on DNA evidence, scientists believe that thousands of these couplings happened over tens of thousands of years
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A discovery that revolutionized our understanding of our own history. For example, researchers have subsequently been able to determine that, since Neanderthals never lived in Africa
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Homo sapiens must have left Africa and migrated to Eurasia earlier than we thought
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at least 100,000 years ago. But some other implications of this evidence are more grim
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Despite the fact that they look similar enough to be in a buddy comedy together, Neanderthals and humans were completely different species
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Communication between the two would have been difficult, if not impossible, meaning it's unlikely the two hominids hooked up by choice
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If this was the case, then it could be evidence that humans and Neanderthals
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had a violent and competitive relationship. One that would end with humans emerging as the sole survivors
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You can thank our Neanderthal forefathers for innovations such as fire, the wheel, and the rudimentary building blocks of society
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And are also responsible for another, much less useful gift. Genes that cause ulcers to generate on human genitalia
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Uh, thanks, we guess. Maybe just send an Amazon card next time
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A gene called HLA-B51, which made its way into humans thanks to all of that cave swinging back in the day
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and has passed down from generation to generation ever since, has been known to cause Bichette's disease
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a condition that involves painful, inflamed sores on someone's mouth, eyes, and yes, genitalia
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And that's if you're lucky. The unlucky sufferers of Bichette disease also develop blood clots aneurysms or full blindness But Bechet disease isn the only gift from our Neanderthal grandparents You can also thank them for Crohn disease lupus and diabetes
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all elements that can be traced back to ancient DNA, like that mosquito in Jurassic Park if, instead of dinosaurs
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it gave John Hammond West Nile virus. When it comes to genetic afflictions, our ancestors spared no expense
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Modern humans and Neanderthals differ in a lot of different ways, from our behavior and bone structures to our love of iced coffees and current status of extinction
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And one of the most severe differences between the two species is the perspective on pursuing sexual relationships with close relatives
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Unless you're one of the Lannisters, in which case you're probably asking what the big deal is
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After a female Neanderthal toe bone was discovered in a Siberian cave
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genetic ysis was able to determine that the specimen, we'll call her Tolis tina
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had parents who were very closely related to each other, either half-siblings or an aunt and
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nephew. Either way, it was presumably an awkward household. Scientists went on to discover that the
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level of inbreeding on this particular specimen was unusually high, not just for this species
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but for any species. This suggests inbreeding was less of a fluke and more of just how Neanderthals
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behaved. It could also explain the litany of genetic disorders found in Neanderthal DNA
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as inbreeding is known to cause a number of health issues in humans, such as congenital birth defects
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Not that we're comparing or anything, but it is important to note, for totally scientific and
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historical reasons that Neanderthal males were found to be packing pretty much the same size
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gunny sack as modern humans euphemistically speaking By comparing DNA scientists figured out that male Neanderthal sex organs were likely indistinguishable from those of present men This makes sense given the sheer amount of inbreeding between the two species and further differentiates Neanderthals from other primates who have proportionately smaller genitalia
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But don't get cocky. Or, don't let it go to your head. You know, just be cool about it, okay
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In case you haven't observed, the Neanderthals are gone and they're never coming back
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We understand if you want to cry a little. Scientists have puzzled for many years trying to piece together the source of their extinction
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Was it climate change? The rise of an apex predator? Or did humans do what humans do best and wipe out the competition
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Well, one hypothesis floating around the scientific community is that the Neanderthals never actually died out
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but instead just blended in with us via many years of interspecies mating until they were completely assimilated
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like the Borg or those cavemen in the Geico commercials. In other words, by getting together with humans
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they may have sexed themselves out of existence. Oh, what a way to go
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The Neanderthals left behind a lot of genetic evidence for us to find
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But despite all that DNA, the mystery of their disappearance is one that still puzzles scientists to this day
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We don't know a ton about the day-to-day personal lives of Neanderthals aside from the fact that they mingled with humans
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And picture some air quotes around the word mingled, because we're talking about the kind of mingling adults do
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while the kids are at baseball camp. However, apart from the scientific evidence
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that they did knock boots with humans, nobody knows under what conditions
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or what it might have looked like, although we imagine somewhere someone has drawn a picture of it
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Hopefully, with more time and more discoveries, we'll learn even more about how Neanderthals did the nasty
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and in turn, learn more about our own history. We think they would have wanted it that way