How 'This Is Us' Changed Sterling K. Brown’s Perspective on Perfection

He's like, Brown, you don't even audition no more

You don't know what it's like. And I'm like, hey, man, I've been there. So don't try to front on you, boy

Like, I'm disconnected from the people. I'm still a man of the folks

It was 2006, so like 19 years ago or something like that

Gordon Walker, right? Yes. That's my guy. You know when people know you from Supernatural

they're like, yo, you're my dude. I had a blast. Jensen and Jared are two of my favorite people on this planet

Incredibly kind, warm. They make you welcome on that set because it's hard nights

It's a lot of nights in the days because you're shooting a lot at nighttime, you know, and trying to maximize the sun being gone

But it was so much fun. And I'm telling you, like the rabid following of the Supernatural fans

I did one convention. In one convention, I'd had several women ask me to bite them

You know what I'm saying? Like, you know, weird, weird stuff that happens

But weird born out of like a complete and total adoration For the product that they put out into the world

So it was dope And I think if I had not wound up booking Army Wives as a series regular

I probably would have recurred on that show for a little bit longer As fate will have it, your boy had to get beheaded

I don't think I thought about anything other than wanting to pay the bills by acting

The first 15 years or so of my career, I was blessed to do exactly that, pay the bills just doing this acting thing

Then the OJ came along, and then the trajectory of it shifted in a very delightful and surprising way

To be able to have some sort of choice in the projects that you want to be a part of

to have people want to be in business with you, like who are asking you what kind of projects you want to do

rather than just, you know, taking crumbs from the table of joy and being happy with what you get

It is an incredible privilege. And I live in a house with a woman who I'm married to

who reminds me all the time, she's like, Brown, you don't even audition no more. You don't know what it's like

And I'm like, hey man, I've been there. So don't try to front on you, boy. Like I'm disconnected from the people

I'm still a man of the folks. Well, I would say that Randall and his perfectionism

are something that I probably dealt with before I met Randall because I used to think that there was such thing as being perfect

You're a high-achieving sort of individual, fortunate enough to go to Stanford University

and go to NYU for acting or what have you. And so I hold myself to a pretty high standard in general

But I think I've learned a certain level of grace in the midst of those high standards

and that one does not counteract the other. I think, you know, in order to have the desire to achieve at a level that I wish to

you also have to have a level of grace that if you fall short of the mark, that it's okay

You get a chance to pick yourself up and do it again. Because if you don't have that level of grace

anything that doesn't measure up to your own standards could be debilitating

I have beat myself up from time to time. Don't get me wrong. But the amount of time in which I do it has shortened

and become less and less, and I'm able to get to the other side of it much more quickly

So I'll say that that's a good lesson from the show. This is an interesting sort of thing

I remember season five of This Is Us, which we got delayed because it was in the middle of the pandemic

and George Floyd's murder. And when we finally came back to the show, I was having these conversations with Dan

And it's like, are we going to address the world at large? Are we going to act as if This Is Us takes place in an alternative reality

He's like, I think we have to talk about it. Like, I think we're in a unique position to talk about it in a way in which people can relate to it, right

And there was this really wonderful conversation between Kate and Randall. About Kate feeling sad and being sorry about what's happening in the world with George Floyd

And that must be so hard for you, Randall. And Randall sort of telling him, like, this is not the first time a black man has died at the hands of law enforcement

and like why are we talking about it right now and normally i would hug you and i would tell you

that you did all the right things i would try to make it all okay for you but if i did that kate

if i made things better for you then where does that leave me

i'm sorry but i can't do that that has been my pattern all my life and honestly kate it is

It's exhausting. It sort of emphasized and this was a very polarizing coming back to the show because on social media I can remember there were some people who were so thankful for that episode And some people were like I want to watch the news I turn on the news

I came to this show to get away from all that. And I was like, hey, if and when you want to come back, we're here for you

If you need to take a break, that's okay, too. To each his own. I ain't trying to tell you how to live your life

But we're going to tell this story. And what was sort of beautiful about it is that you got a chance to see two people

black and white who love each other who have very different perspectives on what was happening in

the world have a very difficult conversation but not not have it right and i think we've gone to

a place sometimes where difficult conversations we think are things that need to be avoided

rather than to be engaged in with love that's something that i actively remind myself of because

I am not impervious to the idea of people thinking differently than me feeling like the enemy

And I'm trying real, real hard to get over that. Oh, man

There's cameras running and stuff. What was it like? So I have to start with this sort of preamble

Paradise in no way is a reflection of the world in which we live. It is a work of fiction

Any similarities to characters that you see in real life are just by chance

that being said people are necessarily going to draw their own conclusions as to who is so and

so supposed to be in the real world right you wind up creating a work of fiction and then

life happens and you realize oh it's not as fictional as we thought that it was going to be

whether you're talking about that situation whether you're talking about natural disasters

and their impact on the world in which we live right like some of these things are so dangerously

close to home that it may affect the way in which the audience

says it and necessarily certain to be like, how close are we to this

I'll be out of town for a couple of weeks right before Valentine's Day

so it means she'll be excited to see me. Which is nice

It's nice when she likes to see me. Yeah, we'll go out. We'll have a nice dinner

Hopefully I get a chance to get a babysitter so the kids are taken care of

and we can have an adult evening out. There are no secrets

Thanks to longevity, everybody talks about communication and communication is important. Learning how to fight fair Learning how to speak responsively and not reactively to one another In the midst of things feelings can run high If you need to take a moment to yourself so you can speak coherently

to your partner in a way in which you don't regret anything that you say, take that deep breath and

come back when you're ready. Don't allow yourself to just react, right? We've grown so much through

the years. I mean, and as Ryan would agree, we used to have some fights that were just awful

absolutely terrible. Like I'm so happy with the evolution of our relationship and our ability to

express ourselves, our needs, our desires, our wants without offending the other person. We've

come a long way. And honestly, like, I think about it, like I did not know if we would get to this

place at certain points in time in the relationship. I'm very thankful that I have my partner in life

to go through everything that I have with her. I love her very much

He's a teenage boy. So I think teenage boys, I don't know if they're different than girls

I have nothing to compare to except for this is us. But I'll say this. He's very close to the vest, is my oldest son

So I want to give him his privacy and his autonomy, but not, I need to let him know

that like your dad cares about every facet of your life, right

So if and when you want to share with me, You can share whatever you want with your boy, right

He's a great student. I mean, the kid makes straight A's. He's a great athlete

He plays soccer like nobody's business. And he's a great friend, right

The people that he's close to, he is ride or die. So I have no real horror stories to report with regards to raising a teenager

other than I just wanted to talk to me more. That's it. There's been all kinds of community

We've been talking to each other, to Milo, to Mandy. You know, and especially because I see Mandy all the time

We've been doing the podcast together, me, her, and Chris Sullivan. It's so heartbreaking, bro

You know, she just had her third baby, her baby girl, and then she loses her home

Her husband's family in the Palisades, they lose their home. So, like, she's really just sort of, like, starting over and figuring out what to do next

And so you just make yourself available in whatever way you can

Like we've talked a couple of times since it's all went down, but you give her a space too

because it is such a devastating thing to sort of figure out your way