0:00
Losing time, I'm fading fast I just wanna make it last
0:11
Try to let go of the past I close my eyes and brace the blast
0:15
Sleepless nights and headaches stack Restlessness to hell and back What's my purpose, what do I grab? A slippery surface, a heart attack
0:24
And sometimes you just gotta believe There's something that'll give you relief
0:32
There's something that'll have what you need What you need We're broken, it's tragic We're not all elastic
0:43
But maybe there's magic Believe you could have it And I know of sadness The anxious in panic
0:51
The infinite vastness Of all that is blackness So tell me, oh will you believe
1:21
Anyway, today is February 18th I believe
1:35
And today is the day I change my life And I have to go back to low carb, I have to go back to keto
1:41
Because I used to just feel really good as I was doing that
1:47
I don't think I'm gonna go like extremely strict keto Where I'm eating like 10 carbs a day or something
1:53
But low carb mostly I have battled eating disorders my whole life
2:00
And well, since I was like 15 years old and I'm 35 now
2:05
So 20 years And in the last year I successfully beat all of them for the first time
2:12
Because I just gradually for the first time in my life Was losing weight naturally by diet, exercise, balance
2:22
But the thing is I'm experiencing some health concerns So even though I'm 40 pounds down from my max of 300 pounds
2:31
I want to reduce the carbs and I want to do low carb and keto again
2:38
Because I just am worried about things like cancer and diabetes And like the other day I had like this bruise under this arm
2:52
And I was like having so much pain in here And like I just feel like there's been a fullness on this side of my body
3:01
For quite some time I feel like having like MRIs and CATs and things
3:11
You can almost see a lump Anyway, I just remember when I did keto the very first time
3:19
Like all the little crunchies I call them under here like went away first
3:24
So I'm hoping that when I do that this time around I've been avoiding blood work for a year
3:33
Like yes this video is all over the place because there's just a lot
3:37
I've touched base on a lot of things in my videos From autism, ADHD, CPTSD, fibromyalgia
3:51
Weight And this is important So you know like as we get older our recovery slows down
4:05
And our metabolisms and our you know just So I'm a sugar-holic
4:16
Sugar-holic or sugar-holic however you say I'm just like addicted to sugar because I don't drink anymore
4:23
I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, I don't have other like addictions
4:28
And sugar is my really bad habit Anyway, I think I'm only taking this video so I have it to look back on
4:45
In the future when I actually make some progress I'm not just going to upload it as is
4:51
So let's see where I get to in a month or so
4:56
I should do like a full 360 body shot but Yes I will
5:19
Bloated Oh my god The ankle is sticky
5:30
Like I already know I have a big butt but the ankle is just
5:41
I got it from my mom Maybe I should wear something tight on top
6:06
Big big ass but no boobs Oh my god
6:37
When I was like doing a delivery driver job for a while
6:41
My butt was like losing all its cellulite and stuff But I think it's coming back
6:50
Okay So that's my starting point even though I'm 40 pounds Did I say 30? I meant 40 pounds down
7:01
I'm like 2 pounds up from like 260 So and my max is like has been probably like 305 or something
7:13
So pretty much 40 pounds So I'd like to at least lose 60 pounds
7:21
I don't want before when I was like athletic and curvy And feeling better about myself I was always around like 200
7:32
So I want to set realistic expectations for myself And not feel bad about the body I have
7:42
Even if I was at my absolute best it would probably be like 150
7:47
Like there's no way I'd be any less than that And I don't want to
7:52
Like the absolute max I would want to be is maybe like Or lowest is like 180
7:58
But we'll see what happens Another thing too is Like I believe people who are bigger
8:07
Like people deserve love at any size Me personally I just really have a lot of issues with my body
8:13
Because I went up from Like 180ish in grade 7 All the way up to 230 in 8th grade
8:24
And then in grade 9 I went all the way down to 160 And then I kind of stayed up
8:30
I was at 200 for a long time Then I went up again, down, I've been like on a freaking rollercoaster
8:36
And I just want to get off this rollercoaster And I don't feel comfortable dating until I like
8:43
Lose some more weight and even then Like it's not a pretty sight
8:49
Like I have loose skin, I have cellulite, I have Stretch marks
8:57
Yeah it's um Beyond doing low carb keto And maybe working out again and going to the gym
9:06
You know I have fibromyalgia So I can't push myself that far
9:12
But when it comes to diet I know I could be doing a lot better But one thing I will do is
9:18
I eliminate my food sensitivities as well I have a ton And they lead to all kinds of things beyond like
9:27
Bowel issues and just skin issues It's like brain fog, joint pain Um
9:36
Just a whole bunch of things you wouldn't suspect So I'm hoping that helps as well Okay
