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Do opposites really attract? Did Hallmark invent Valentine's Day? Is "love at first sight" actually a real thing? If you've ever asked yourself any of these heartbreaking questions, you're in the right place.
In this episode of Misconceptions, we're discussing that mysterious emotion called love. Who would've thought that rom-coms weren't always scientifically accurate?
Join host Justin Dodd in an endless pursuit of the truth.
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0:00
Ah, l'amour. They say love is like magnetism, an invisible force that brings people together
0:06
But when it comes to matters of the heart, do opposites really attract? Obviously, not every couple is the same, but on average, the data suggests we tend to find
0:15
similarities more attractive than differences. In a 2017 study, researchers surveyed 1,523 couples
0:22
including friends, best friends, and romantic partners. They referred to these pairs as dyads
0:27
which just means a pair of individuals in an interpersonal situation, according to the American Psychological Association
0:33
Not the sexiest description, but I digress. The authors reviewed all kinds of variables amongst the dyads
0:39
such as preferred recreational activities, political leanings, and general personality traits. On 86% of these variables
0:46
including levels of personal extroversion and beliefs about gay rights, the couples had similarities the authors called statistically significant
0:54
That is, dyads were more likely than not to share most of the opinions and personal qualities being interrogated
0:59
Social media trends seem to back this up. Friends and romantic couples are apt to like similar things on Facebook
1:05
They even use comparable wording in their status updates. When it comes to love, interests and personality traits
1:11
aren't the only places where we seek out similarities. Heterosexual men and women are often drawn to potential mates
1:16
with the same hair or eye color as their own opposite-sex parents
1:21
But don't worry. If your mom and girlfriend are both blondes, that shouldn't set off any Freudian alarm bells
1:26
It's just that the people who raise us might influence the qualities we find alluring when choosing a life partner
1:31
So instead of opposites attract, a better guideline might be likes attract
1:36
I know, it's not as catchy. Hi, I'm Justin Dodd. And today we're gonna break down some misconceptions
1:41
people have about attraction, marriage, and that intoxicating emotion called love. You know, I was never a big believer in true love
1:48
but I think I've discovered the love of my life. Every morning, I now wake up to this beautiful face
1:54
Adorable breakfast sandwich. I love you. Oxytocin is a love molecule
2:09
Oxytocin is a hormone that's been called, among other things, the love molecule
2:14
Known to affect social and nurturing behavior in various animals, the hormone is the subject of a lot of studies by neuroscientists
2:20
For a 2005 study published in the journal Nature, human participants were given free money and invited to share some or all of it with strangers
2:28
This was part of a risk-taking investment game that depended on trust. At the start, all the players received a set amount of money
2:35
Some of them could become investors and transfer cash to other participants known as trustees
2:40
When these transactions happened the experimenter tripled the transfer and gave it to the trustee Then the trustee could either share profits with their partner or be greedy and just keep everything including the original investment money
2:53
So the act of investing cash was always a gamble and everything depended on how honest the trustees were
2:59
Researchers found out that test subjects who'd inhaled oxytocin were more trusting of other players
3:04
They transferred over more moolah. Five years later, in 2010, another paper claiming
3:08
sniffing oxytocin made people more likely to trust that an experimenter wouldn't open envelopes
3:13
which contained deeply personal information. Those studies and a 2011 TED presentation
3:18
discussing oxytocin got everyone talking, from scientists to the lay public. Oxytocin was nicknamed the hug hormone
3:26
cuddle chemical, and moral molecule, because who doesn't like alliteration? It's me. I don't like it. It's annoying
3:33
But let's be clear, oxytocin's role in the human experience is not fully understood
3:38
No one has been able to replicate the 2010 envelope experiment's results and some early research about the hormone's positive
3:44
behavioral influences has been questioned. It's always a slippery slope to make big scientific
3:49
claims based on limited studies, and this is no exception. Touting oxytocin as a love molecule
3:55
is probably false advertising. Love molecule would be a great name for a disco band, though
4:01
Gotta write that down. Valentine's Day was invented by greeting card companies to sell cards
4:07
Love is ostensibly in the air when Valentine's Day rolls around each year
4:11
Traditions include candlelit dinners, heart-shaped chocolate boxes, and buying flowers. I'm partial to watching the entirety of season two of Fleabag and eating an entire pint of cookie dough ice cream
4:20
but that's neither here nor there. Another beloved pastime is cynical singles complaining that the holiday was just invented to sell greeting cards
4:28
This incorrect assertion can be partially explained, perhaps, by the difficult-to-trace history of the holiday
4:34
Valentine's Day doesn't have an obvious namesake. Martin Luther King Jr. Day and St. Patrick's Day
4:40
have easily identifiable honorees. Patrick Stewart for the latter, obviously, but who's the Valentine of Valentine's Day
4:46
Historians point to multiple candidates. There is a St. Valentine who celebrated
4:50
in the Roman Catholic Church, but he might be an amalgamation of two different Christian martyrs
4:55
The record's a little flimsy. And as for the holiday itself, we don't know how or when it became a love fest
5:02
Some modern sources claim Valentine's Day is rooted in Lupercalia, an ancient Roman festival
5:07
that took place on February 15th. Dogs and goats would be sacrificed
5:11
and women were customarily whipped because it was believed this promoted fertility
5:15
Legend has it Pope Gillesius I outlawed the ritual in the 5th century CE
5:20
As a replacement, he supposedly established Valentine's Day, a new Christianized celebration of love and romance
5:26
But there's no real proof to back this story up. Valentine Day as we now know it probably owes a lot more to poet Geoffrey Chaucer In one of his works from the late 1300s Chaucer said for this was on Saint Valentine Day when every fowl comes there his mate to take
5:42
Ever since Chaucer's time, Valentine's Day has had amorous connotations. Did it start out that way
5:47
Maybe, maybe not. But this much is clear. The holiday wasn't just something the greeting card
5:52
companies made up. Half of all marriages end in divorce and it's getting worse all the time
5:58
Marrying for love is more common today than it was throughout most of recorded history
6:03
And when you talk about modern marriage, there's a contentious issue you can't avoid
6:07
Divorce. For decades now, politicians, religious leaders, and even sitcoms like The Simpsons
6:12
have been telling us that half of all marriages end in divorce. But this is hard to prove
6:17
First of all, there isn't a universal standard for measuring divorce frequency
6:21
Some researchers try to calculate this figure by counting the annual number of divorces and marriages per 1,000 people
6:27
Other ysts evaluate milestones, quantifying the divorce rate by seeing how many couples who
6:32
tied the knot in a certain year reach a specific landmark, such as their 10th anniversary down the
6:37
road. Unfortunately, state governments can be less than helpful here. Some don't even bother
6:42
to collect marriage statistics, which makes it harder to review trends. Now, the data we do have
6:47
tells us that a couple's age affects their chances of untying the knot. One study argued that while
6:52
the divorce rate among persons over age 35 had doubled between the years 1990 and 2010
6:57
younger couples divorced less frequently in those days. Erin actually touched on marriage trends among millennials
7:02
specifically in her episode of the list show, 100 Facts About Millennials
7:06
As a proud millennial, I can tell you for certain that marriage is something that I..
7:14
Got taking a bath, it's funny. What's up, what are we talking about
7:20
So is the overall divorce rate climbing? It depends on who you ask
7:24
Some experts think it's risen or held stable in recent years. Others say it's waning
7:28
In 2014, the New York Times reported that if current trends continue
7:32
nearly two-thirds of marriages will never involve a divorce, according to data from Justin Wolfers
7:37
a University of Michigan economist. So while it is difficult to say
7:40
exactly what percentage of marriages end in divorce, it's probably safe to say
7:44
that the situation hasn't meaningfully deteriorated in recent years. Just don't get your demography news
7:50
from Homer J. Simpson, okay? Love at first sight is true love
7:54
Another concept that set many an eye rolling is the idea of love at first sight
7:59
And that cynicism may well be justified. Anecdotally, there are plenty of people who can tell you about experiencing this special phenomenon
8:06
So this isn't to say it never happens. Research has even featured reports of self-identified love at first sight
8:12
But there's a pretty big catch. That magical spark people like to romanticize isn always a two street Data suggests it superficial and researchers hesitate to call it love Four Dutch psychologists published an investigative study on the subject in 2017 The team organized almost 500
8:30
encounters between people during their research. Though the players were strangers to one another
8:35
49 of these little meetings ended up with somebody proclaiming they'd experienced love
8:39
at first sight. How often was the feeling mutual? Reportedly, never. All 49 instances were one side
8:46
of the fairs. Every single one. Yikes. The team also discovered that men are more liable to profess
8:52
love at first sight than their female counterparts. And as you might expect, physical attractiveness
8:56
plays a major role here. Participants in the study who were deemed gorgeous had a far greater chance
9:02
of inspiring the love at first sight sensation in other people. Good for them, I guess. Ultimately
9:08
the psychologists described love at first sight as a strong initial attraction rather than a distinct
9:13
form of love. But hey, nobody's saying one can't lead to the other. Right? Plato coined the term
9:22
platonic love. Thus far, today's video is centered on romance. So before we wrap things up, let's take
9:28
a minute to acknowledge non-romantic love. Today, we call loving or affectionate relationships between
9:33
people who aren't romantically or sexually involved with each other platonic. The name
9:37
descends from the Greek philosopher Plato, who wrote a lot about interpersonal connections
9:42
Plato pushed the idea that love has a hierarchy. He thought its most primitive form was the love of a beautiful body
9:48
But this could lead a person to loving all beautiful bodies, and from there, the beauty of laws and knowledge
9:53
The very highest form of love, to Plato anyway, was the love of beauty itself
9:58
Now, let's jump ahead to the Renaissance. Centuries after Plato died, his number one fanboy scholar Marsilio Ficino
10:04
looked at this love hierarchy through a Christian lens. Taking cues from Plato and biblical theology
10:10
Ficino believed lovers shouldn't desire other people's bodies, but rather the splendor of the
10:15
divine light shining through those bodies. Such attraction, he felt, would bring us closer to
10:20
loving God. And what did Ficino name this spiritual bond between godly people? Platonic love. And
10:27
Socratic love, confusingly enough. He seemed to use the two terms pretty much interchangeably
10:32
In either case, that's a lot headier than the definition of platonic love most of us use
10:36
nowadays. I have to say, it's a beautiful sentiment, but I can't help but think it's
10:40
gonna get awkward when I tell my buddy Sam I'm looking at the splendor of the divine light
10:44
shining through his body. Have I mentioned I haven't touched another human being in five weeks
10:50
Looking at you, pizza delivery guy. Anyway, we're really glad you could join us today. In fact
10:55
we love you for it. If you have any suggestions for future episodes of our Misconceptions series
10:59
go ahead and leave those in the comments. And if anyone has any cute single friends that want to
11:03
manipulate my heart virtually over the next couple of months, you know where to find me
11:09
I missed you
#education