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INFJs Get Taken For GRANTED! (6 Reasons to Consider)
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Jun 7, 2023
Why do INFJs get taken for granted? INFJs have many potentially beautiful traits like empathy, generosity and kindness. But, sadly these wonderful traits can leave them open to being taken for granted when they don’t recognize their own value. ? *ONLINE THERAPY* Online- Therapy. com is a dedicated online-based team of consultant therapists, cognitive behavioral therapists, practitioners and support staff that collaboratively works to help people in need of emotional support! Book a session now and receive a *20% discount* by using my link below! *Online-Therapy.com* (*Affiliate) https://infjmalepsychology.com/online-therapy ? *ESSENTIAL INFJ COURSES!* Free Introduction Webinars available via my links below! *The Empath's Survival Guide Online Course* (by Dr. Judith Orloff) *Affiliate (Sounds True) https://infjmalepsychology.com/empath-survival-guide *Nonviolent Communication Online Course* (by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg) *Affiliate (Sounds True) https://infjmalepsychology.com/nonviolent-communication *The Understanding Narcissism Summit Package* (*Affiliate) Sounds True https://infjmalepsychology.com/understanding-narcissism
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INFJs have many potentially beautiful traits like empathy, generosity, and kindness
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But sadly, these wonderful traits can leave them open to being taken for granted
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when they don't recognize their own value. Sadly, I can speak from experience as a highly sensitive INFJ male myself
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Let's take a look at 6 reasons why INFJs can get taken for granted in relationships
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1. INFJs tend to get taken for granted because they are natural givers who can be too nice
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INFJs are known to be natural givers. They enjoy showing their generosity to others and rejoice in the fulfillment and appreciation of whoever is on the receiving end
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For example, helping friends to move on a Saturday, lending money to a family member, buying thoughtful presents for birthdays of every friend and family member
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Natural generosity is truly one of their strongest gifts. However, they risk overdoing the giving without the necessary discernment of whom to give to and when
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Obviously, friends and family make the default list of people who are deserving of the INFJ's efforts
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A problem arises, however, when the INFJ is giving so much that it's actually costing them too much
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For instance, by being available to help everyone at every time, the INFJ wears him or herself out by helping a friend to move on a Saturday
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when actually rest was needed that weekend, or lending out money to a family member the INFJ very much needed for him or herself
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or by always buying every loved one thoughtful gifts, considerate amounts of time and money are spent
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Being too nice and too helpful is one of the pitfalls of the INFJ. Others might learn quickly that they can always depend on their unconditional help
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As such, they might take them for granted and eagerly ask too much help. 2. INFJs tend to get taken for granted because they are often poor at setting boundaries
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Since the INFJ's extroverted feeling, represented by the letter F, equips them to be especially attuned to the feelings and needs of others
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they often prioritize them above their own. They might feel too tired to act on someone's request for help
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but do it anyway because they don't want to disappoint people. Poor boundary setting is a well-known problem many INFJs struggle with
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They might attempt to convey to someone that they are too tired to help, but cave in easily when the other pushes just a little against the boundaries
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Out of guilt, empathy, or low self-esteem, the INFJ can sacrifice its own needs
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It is a lack of setting firm boundaries and sticking to them Tragically each time the INFJ caves in on his attempt to set personal boundaries he or she teaches others that the boundaries aren as important
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Ironically, boundary setting becomes harder next time with those people, because now they might push even harder to get their way
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making it even harder for the INFJ to set proper boundaries. As such, others might take the INFJ for granted
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because they know it's very likely that they'll be able to persuade them into doing what they want
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or due to a lack of respect since the INFJ doesn't stand up for him or herself
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3. INFJs tend to get taken for granted because they often avoid conflict. Avoiding conflict
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almost goes hand in hand with poor boundary setting as mentioned above. Due to INFJs
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sensitivity and extroverted feeling, F, they strive for constant harmony in their relationships
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Disharmony due to negative emotions and conflict physically makes them uneasy. As INFJs are
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sensitive, often highly sensitive, conflict, volatile emotions, and disrupted social relations bother them on a visceral level. Next to emotional pain, it is actually physically painful and
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overwhelming for an INFJ to have any sort of conflict with others. When they do get involved
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in some form of conflict, it might take them hours or days even to shake off the stress and
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negative emotions resulting from it. Therefore, most INFJs are susceptible to developing a pattern
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of avoiding conflict altogether. Setting boundaries and standing up for oneself can
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easily lead to necessary conflict. Despite those necessary moments of conflict when you stand up for
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yourself, the INFJ tends to avoid them out of fear of negative emotions, overwhelm, and not knowing
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how to follow up when someone keeps pushing on those set boundaries. This way they never practice
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setting boundaries and therefore need to keep avoiding conflict. People might take INFJs for
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granted as they often don't know how to stand up for themselves. 4. INFJs tend to get taken for
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granted because they often don't ask for what they want. As mentioned before, the INFJ tends
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to prioritize the feelings and needs of others above their own. Their extroverted feeling function
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makes them very aware of other people's emotions. With the nickname Social Chameleon
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INFJs are known to adjust almost perfectly and with great ease to the social environment at hand They are good at sensing what others need and how to make them feel comfortable For instance an INFJ would increase the distance and decrease the amount of eye contact
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without coming off as cold when he or she senses someone is becoming uncomfortable by the intensity
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of their interaction. They are known to read minds, so to speak. Yet when it comes to reading
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their own minds, they can really struggle with sensing what is actually going on inside of
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themselves. This translates in them not asking for what they want, because they aren't so aware
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of what it is that they actually want in different situations. What's more is that INFJs are also
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susceptible to believing that they should be selfless. Their innate altruism and strong need
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for independence can steer them to hyper-independence. In other words, they may perceive asking for what
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they want as needy, selfish, and in some cases weak. Ironically, it is perfectly okay for others
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to ask for help, and INFJs are eager to help them out. Kind of weird, right? So they might
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be taken for granted, due to appearing to have no needs others should consider
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5. INFJs tend to perceive getting taken for granted because they are often overly critical
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sensitive. Here, I mean how the INFJ might perceive the situation. As sensitive and critical beings
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they might quickly read someone else's behavior as taking them for granted because their threshold
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for this is set low by their sensitive and critical minds. A friend might ask them a favor
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for a third time, but forgets to thank the INFJ enough immediately afterwards. Now this could be
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seen as that friend is taking the INFJ for granted, while in actuality that friend just forgot to
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explicitly say it, or is planning a surprise as a reward. As a response, the INFJ might decide to
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not help that friend out the next time. Tonality by which someone asks the INFJ something can also
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be important. INFJs are many times very cognizant of how they treat others. Preferring harmonious
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relationships and social interactions, they practice warmth, respect, and dignity when interacting with people. As such, they are allergic to anything that could threaten that harmony
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Rude or disrespectful behavior is a big no-no when it comes to ways of acting for themselves or
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others. A condescending, entitled, or dismissive tone in your voice while talking to the INFJ
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is a surefire way to get the infamous INFJ door slam in your face Being taken for granted or not being valued is sadly a common theme in their lives most likely stemming from childhood Their parents might have struggled accepting the
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notion of their INFJ child sensitivity. Not being valued can therefore be a painful emotional wound
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INFJs carry and overreact to when it gets triggered. 6. INFJs tend to get taken for granted
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because they tend to attract toxic people. Now add up most of the previously mentioned tendencies of
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the undeveloped INFJ, the unconditional natural giving, poor boundaries, avoiding conflict, not asking for what they need. Tragically, this is a recipe for attracting toxic people
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By toxic, I mean people who are consciously or unconsciously seeking to benefit from others in
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an unhealthy way. For instance, selfish, needy, narcissistic, emotionally wounded people that
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want all the attention, help, and resources they can get their hands on from others
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The undeveloped INFJ often engages with toxic people unknowingly. The INFJ tends to only give, while the toxic person only takes
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On paper, this sounds like a match made in heaven, while in actuality, it is a match made in hell
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It is a dysfunctional dynamic where only the toxic person gets their needs met
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The INFJ is left being taken for granted in this one-sided relationship
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due to the exploitation of the often compulsive altruistic tendencies. What do you think
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Do INFJs get taken for granted? Leave your thoughts in the comments section below
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