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Welcome to Adaptable | Behavior Explained! This episode goes over why people stay stuck, featuring the Region Beta Paradox with Patrick O’Horo. We explore how sometimes being “just okay” can actually prevent growth and change. The Region Beta Paradox explains why mild discomfort can keep us in place longer than intense pain—and how recognizing this can motivate real transformation.
I'm Kelly O'Horo, Attachment based EMDR Therapist, EMDRIA Consultant, and Advanced Trainer. I'm a mom of 5, Nonna of 5, wife, and a healer. I have the honor of spending my workdays walking along side people while they brave their healing journeys. I try to live with the generous assumption that we're all doing the best we can with what we know. Therapists are teachers for the "life stuff" and "emotional vocabulary" that may not have been learned due to gaps in our care givers capabilities. In the last 15 years I've learned that people are freaking amazing, resilient, and inspiring. Most importantly, we are hardwired for connection and for healing!
I hope to bring an authentic, compassionate, and unpolished approach while we explore a variety of topics such as parenting, marriage, relationships, dating, trauma, attachment, adoption, depression, addiction, anxiety, and love! There's a why for all behaviors and an explanation that makes perfect sense as emotion is at the root of it all.
-- Links --
https://linktr.ee/kellyohorolpc
https://youtu.be/rLnARKekvgo
https://www.emdria.org/find-an-emdr-therapist/
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0:06
hi everyone I'm Kelly O'Horo and this is
0:09
Adaptable Behavior Explained hi there
0:12
thank you so much for joining us on
0:14
Adaptable today i'm Kelly O'Horo your
0:16
host and I'm a licensed professional
0:17
counselor i'm especially excited to have
0:20
with us here today my guest Patrick
0:22
O'Horo he is a licensed associate
0:25
counselor and a trauma specialist as
0:27
well as my husband and my personal hero
0:30
so Patrick thank you so much for being
0:32
here today it's always a pleasure we are
0:34
going to discuss a topic that is very
0:36
near and dear to my husband's heart it
0:38
is from an article called the peculiar
0:41
longevity of things not so bad and the
0:44
purpose of our conversation today is to
0:46
help you understand why you might get
0:48
stuck in certain patterns or areas of
0:51
your life and a little bit about the
0:53
reason that happens and so Patrick go
0:55
ahead and introduce yourself to me today
0:58
or to our guests and talk a little bit
1:00
about what we're going to discuss sure
1:02
well thanks for having me i've been in
1:05
the technology space for a long long
1:08
time counseling is not my primary job
1:10
it's a side gig and I'm always thinking
1:13
of things from a systems perspective and
1:16
as I went through my own interpersonal
1:18
work and then decided I wanted to be a
1:21
counselor a lot of my learnings had to
1:24
do with humans and society as a system
1:28
that same kind of lens and sometime in
1:31
grad school I came across this paper
1:34
that defined something called the region
1:35
beta paradox this peculiar longevity of
1:37
things not so bad it was written by
1:39
Gilbert at all like 20 years ago
1:42
and it's a pretty short paper but what
1:44
it really talks about is our what what I
1:47
interpreted is our resistance to change
1:50
and I love it because for me every time
1:52
I look at a problem or a person I almost
1:56
see them like a clock i'm trying to
1:57
figure out the gears and the springs
1:59
inside that make them do what they do
2:02
and that was really illuminating to me
2:05
and it's kind of like the Matrix code
2:07
for me once you see it you can't unsee
2:09
it and so now I just see it kind of
2:12
everywhere and I know I get some grief
2:15
from you because I'll be like region
2:16
beta paradox region beta paradox right
2:18
everywhere we go there's like moments
2:20
where you see something and I have
2:22
teased you a little bit because I
2:23
realize that you see it everywhere but
2:26
explain to our viewers what this premise
2:28
is about so the premise is that there's
2:31
a misnomer around how we think things
2:34
will affect us and how they actually
2:36
affect us in the long term and in the
2:39
short term and so the premise of the
2:41
paper is that if you were to ask
2:43
somebody hey something really really bad
2:46
would you know somebody would treat you
2:47
really bad what would your response be
2:49
we'll answer that and we'll predict that
2:53
the effects would be bad and they would
2:56
last a long time and it should really be
2:58
avoided right like you if you offended
3:00
me it's going to affect me for a long
3:02
time but if you only offend me a little
3:04
bit these small transgressions we tend
3:07
to get over and I almost think of it now
3:09
as death by a thousand cuts and that's
3:11
where I I live I think what resonated
3:13
with the paper so much is just that the
3:16
title the peculiar longevity of things
3:18
not so bad right and so now I see and
3:21
all throughout our life this region beta
3:22
paradoxes they plotted out through
3:25
assessments of people and how they react
3:27
to what they would consider a
3:28
transgression against them really proves
3:31
that what you know we think bad things
3:34
are to be avoided and what the science
3:37
shows us is that bad things stimulate
3:40
action yeah we can't grow without
3:41
discomfort and a lot of times we
3:44
internally strive to remain comfortable
3:46
right and so that internal psychological
3:50
thinking or paradigm is that if it's not
3:53
so bad I'll just kind of let it go i'll
3:55
let it alone and then I have these
3:57
moments over and over and over again
3:59
that something bothers me or is annoying
4:00
or frustrating but the idea of the
4:03
distress that would be required to
4:05
change it feels too overwhelming so I
4:07
just avoid it yeah the example one of
4:09
the examples they use in the paper as
4:11
they plot it out if you just think
4:13
simply and not with problems is that if
4:15
if I decide everything within a mile I'm
4:19
just going to walk to because it's not
4:20
worth the trouble of getting out my bike
4:21
and you know cuffing my pants and do all
4:24
this stuff but then everything beyond a
4:26
mile I'll ride a bike because I've have
4:29
this threshold for discomfort or action
4:32
I'm actually limiting how fast I can get
4:35
to everywhere within a mile right and
4:37
you know really kind of pushing up
4:38
against that boundary so when we apply
4:40
it to other things in our life whether
4:42
it's our our interpersonal you know our
4:44
coping mechanisms that we have and these
4:47
defense responses like cognitive
4:49
dissonance right how am I making a
4:50
decision about action and a lot of times
4:53
it's super unconscious so we can think
4:55
about you know cohabitating being in a
4:58
bad relationship that's just not too bad
5:01
right or being in a job that isn't a job
5:03
where I'm thriving and that I'm really
5:05
you know fulfilled and have a lot of
5:07
purpose but it's just not too bad pays
5:10
the bills you don't mind going your boss
5:12
is all right your co-workers are okay
5:14
and the stuff that you do every day
5:15
doesn't suck that bad and a lot of times
5:17
we have
5:18
this shared friend and we'll go do these
5:21
amazing experiences and and you look at
5:23
him and you're like "Hey what did you
5:25
think of that?" And he go he says "Well
5:26
that didn't suck." And that's just as
5:29
you know exactly who I'm talking to and
5:31
it's like that's the that's a lens that
5:33
we all kind of look at in a lot of ways
5:36
and so yes we might imagine the a job or
5:40
a career or a lifestyle that we really
5:42
really want but then subconsciously we
5:45
start stacking up the difficulty and the
5:47
discomfort against us right and so I
5:50
think of it you know anybody that's
5:51
tuned into your show you know if we take
5:54
trauma out of it if we think about how
5:55
our brains work right this is my
5:57
prefrontal cortex and this is my lyic
6:00
system this is my you know judges safety
6:03
and danger and so in a calm state you
6:07
know on a 0 to 10 I'm thinking you know
6:10
right dreaming about the future that I
6:11
want and contemplating existence and all
6:14
these things rest digest and then you
6:17
know as my safety starts to be
6:20
compromised you know I get about halfway
6:22
I like to look at it as my eyes my
6:24
senses are straight out like oo what's
6:26
that right so I start getting some
6:28
information that things might be might
6:31
need something right and then when my
6:32
lid fully flips I'm in action i'm in
6:34
freeze flight or flight so if we take
6:38
trauma out of it and we just say how
6:39
does this mechanism work in how we take
6:42
action in our everyday lives it's kind
6:44
of the same thing and I see the region
6:46
beta paradox as being the spring that
6:48
automatically keeps that lid down it's
6:50
trying to keep us from blowing up our
6:52
lives because if we're constantly
6:54
reacting if we're constantly reacting to
6:58
things then we can't develop complex
7:01
tribal systems and societies and do and
7:04
and achieve long-term goals right we're
7:06
a squirrel we get distracted by the next
7:07
thing or whatever so it seems to me like
7:10
there's this mechanism that keeps us
7:12
going on the status quo on the path and
7:15
it's this resistance to action and it's
7:17
only when our system goes whoa that was
7:21
really really bad that I go into it
7:23
doesn't have to be traumatic fight or
7:25
flight but I go I'm going to do
7:26
something about it so a common scenario
7:28
would be uh you know I'm in the job that
7:32
I don't really like uh I'm languishing
7:35
i'm burnt out it's not fulfilling to me
7:37
it's just a grind i can't wait to not do
7:40
it every day
7:42
but I need it it's my financial
7:44
stability it's maybe the connection I
7:47
have to people the the market you know
7:50
the the job market isn't good the
7:51
economy is not whatever the things are
7:53
that keep that you know my lid down and
7:56
keep me doing the status quo death by a
7:58
thousand cuts and then there's a layoff
8:01
right or I'm fired for some right and
8:03
then I'm like oh no I would have
8:04
predicted that would have been the worst
8:06
possible outcome that I lost the job but
8:08
then I lose the job and I'm forced into
8:11
action so now I actually find a job that
8:14
aligns with you know that's fulfilling
8:15
that gives me purpose or you get to
8:17
learn something new you get to create
8:19
new relationships you now like your boss
8:21
a little bit better and you didn't
8:23
realize it was so bad in the alternate
8:25
position and so you didn't bother to
8:28
change the to change your circumstances
8:31
until it got so bad and you had no
8:32
choice and you were forced to change it
8:34
yeah and I think the realization is the
8:36
key piece right this is an unconscious
8:38
bias this isn't the calculus that our
8:40
prefrontal cortexes use this is that am
8:43
I safe am I stable how do I maintain the
8:46
status quo as opposed to just this
8:48
really reactionary and do I want to look
8:50
for a new job and have to go through the
8:52
anxiety of interviewing and upset my
8:55
schedule and have to prove myself to my
8:57
new co-workers and my boss and I'm
8:59
already liked well enough over here and
9:01
so then I'd have to start all over again
9:02
and all of that distress that would be
9:05
part of you know exploring a new
9:07
opportunity would be so overwhelming or
9:10
overwhelming enough that I just go nah
9:12
I'm not going to bother with that and I
9:14
see it everywhere you were talking about
9:16
this earlier here i have this bum
9:18
shoulder i've had this shoulder injury
9:20
for quite a while like I I can't really
9:22
get my arm super high and it's this
9:25
nagging discomfort but I'm you know in
9:28
my mind I say "Oh surgery it's I'm going
9:31
to be laid up for x number of months and
9:33
oh summer's coming and I'll put that off
9:35
or you know it's going to be a very
9:37
painful recovery or whatever that is."
9:39
So I'm stacking the deck against action
9:42
right and I'm supporting inaction but
9:44
what's happened is that I have this
9:47
really annoying persistent injury that's
9:49
going on for much longer than if I had
9:51
have said "Ow that hurts." And gone to
9:53
the doctor and got the scans and done
9:55
the physical therapy right so now I'm
9:57
having to wait till it's bad enough and
9:59
I'm like "Uhoh honey I might need some
10:00
help shaving my head." Right it's become
10:03
it's become bad enough that I now need
10:05
to do something about it and I think
10:06
that really kind of summarizes this
10:08
thing is that we just sit there and we
10:10
just we tolerate we tolerate we tolerate
10:13
well and you talked about the example of
10:15
being in a job but even if you're in a
10:16
position of leadership or a position of
10:19
choosing who's working for you whether
10:21
it's a cleaning lady or an employee or
10:23
your your yard person or even going to
10:27
let's say you're going to a specific um
10:29
coffee shop and they they have something
10:32
that keeps going wrong when I was
10:33
thinking about it when we were chatting
10:34
about this for the for the show I had an
10:37
employee a while back that was okay she
10:40
got the job done she was nice enough to
10:42
our clients she was not so bad she was
10:45
not so bad yeah but there were things
10:47
that she did that weren't up to my
10:48
satisfaction and she tended to have
10:50
persistent personal crises and it would
10:53
pull her out of doing a good job and we
10:55
might have that happen for a day or a
10:57
half a day or whatever else and during
10:58
those times you know I liked her as a
11:00
person and so I had compassion for her
11:02
personal experiences that were you know
11:04
regular crisis and at the same time I
11:07
suffered the loss of the the employee
11:09
that I really wanted during those times
11:12
and thinking about putting a job out on
11:14
Indeed and going through the interview
11:16
process and blocking my calendar for
11:18
however many hours I needed to to find
11:20
somebody new and then you know the pain
11:22
of retraining a person all of those
11:24
things just sounded horrible and then an
11:26
experience happened where you know she
11:28
did something that really from an
11:29
ethical perspective left me no choice
11:31
but I had to let her go and it was awful
11:34
i mean you remember we were on vacation
11:35
and we were supposed to be able to have
11:37
our time off and because I had to let
11:39
her go immediately because of what she
11:41
had done it was like I don't have a
11:43
choice i have to take these three days
11:44
of our vacation and I have to now find a
11:47
new person we can't run our business
11:48
without someone answering the phones and
11:50
it was so frustrating and then what we
11:52
ended up finding was like such an
11:53
awesome person to help us and had I done
11:56
that sooner it would have been you know
11:59
in our best interest but I think to your
12:01
point the the steps that it would have
12:03
taken to make that happen were so
12:05
frustrating and so and and the way that
12:07
we stack up what that change would be
12:10
right how long would it take to onboard
12:12
find somebody and then onboard somebody
12:14
and so what comes to my mind in that
12:16
situation is this old idiom the devil we
12:18
know is better than the devil we don't
12:20
and so we tend to do that in so many
12:23
situations where and because of our
12:25
defense mechanisms like cognitive
12:27
dissonance like you in our different
12:29
coping mechanisms when we suffer
12:33
this discomfort but it doesn't cross the
12:37
threshold of too bad right then our
12:40
defense mechanisms kick in and we start
12:42
to rationalize it or we start you know
12:45
to resolve that cognitive dissonance and
12:47
in a way we do that is when we stack up
12:49
the blocks and we put more cushion
12:51
between the action boundary until we're
12:54
forced into action so you know two
12:57
points on that you and I owe each other
12:59
a vacation still that happened and
13:02
second like looking at that in so many
13:04
facets of our life right so not just as
13:06
the employer you know in my main job
13:08
I've been in technology and specifically
13:11
productivity so looking at uh you know
13:14
for 30 years so it's looking at what's
13:16
the relationship between humans and
13:17
technology and the workplace and you
13:20
know over the last you know 15 years or
13:22
so it's been very fascinating in looking
13:24
at multigenerational workforces you know
13:26
we have five generations in the same
13:28
workforce all having different habits
13:30
and styles so starting to think from a
13:32
systems perspective you know how do we
13:34
adjust right and how do we adapt and
13:36
evolve as people and then technolog is
13:38
changing covid was a huge gamecher when
13:41
it came to how people worked and how
13:43
they did their value proposition for
13:46
where and how they worked and so we
13:48
watched large organizations have to to
13:50
change that we think about hybrid work
13:52
or remote work and the the value
13:56
proposition that people have and what
13:57
they do and where they're too bad enough
14:01
threshold actually lies so to me it's
14:04
really fascinating you know Microsoft's
14:06
done a lot of work called the work labs
14:08
where we look at what that value
14:10
proposition is for people and when we
14:12
start looking at the data around things
14:15
like thriving versus languishing burnout
14:19
presenteeism which is I'm showing up to
14:20
work but I'm bringing 80% of myself
14:23
right for a while it was called this
14:24
quiet quitting where I'm only there like
14:26
50% but I'm in the seat or absenteeism
14:29
lots of sick days lots of you know I
14:31
didn't show up kind of like the employee
14:33
experience you were talking about and so
14:35
when we start to look at what are the
14:36
things that are driving that I see
14:38
region beta paradox i see both an
14:40
employee and an employer who's you know
14:43
the employee is saying the gig is good
14:45
enough it's not bad enough to warrant a
14:47
change and the employer it's good enough
14:50
it's not worth you know disrupting my
14:52
culture or training leadership or having
14:55
new goals and outcomes outlined or
14:57
engaging people or getting new employees
14:59
or training those employees so we sit in
15:02
this purgatory of not bad enough in so
15:06
many aspects of our life and now I'm
15:07
just kind of like Rainman like region
15:09
beta a paradox it's everywhere it's
15:11
everywhere right so I think we have a
15:13
pretty good idea about what this concept
15:15
is and I am sure you know as a listener
15:17
you're thinking about all the areas you
15:19
know whether you're cohabitating with a
15:21
person who's okay or your roommates's
15:22
all right enough or anything that might
15:25
be status quo and not wanting to go
15:28
through the internal distress or the
15:30
overwhelm or the anxiety of making those
15:32
changes so let's talk now about how do
15:35
we get past that what do we do so that
15:37
we can change things in our lives that
15:39
aren't so bad but you know we'd like to
15:42
see it different whether I'm working
15:44
with you know Fortune 500 corporate
15:47
customers on productivity and culture
15:50
and technology or whether I'm talking to
15:53
a client in my counseling office I think
15:56
the first step to anything is making it
15:58
conscious right right understanding that
16:01
there's something there that that we all
16:03
have this spring it's not this isn't
16:05
pathology ology right it's not a result
16:07
of trauma the trauma might affect how
16:10
loose or tight that spring is that makes
16:12
sense but but this it's just there it's
16:14
like how do I handle discomfort and when
16:17
do I go into action and so bringing
16:19
awareness to it and making it conscious
16:22
means that those unconscious defense
16:25
mechanisms that we have to rationalize
16:28
to reason to resolve cognitive
16:30
dissonance then those become conscious
16:33
as well we can't just blindly and
16:36
unconsciously walk through life and
16:38
expect things to change unless we don't
16:41
take action if nothing changes nothing
16:44
changes one of my favorite quotes is La
16:46
Zoo if if I'll probably say it wrong but
16:48
this is basically you're likely to end
16:51
up where you're heading if you don't
16:53
change direction right and so bringing
16:55
that to awareness and saying why am I in
16:58
the job or the relationship or the house
17:01
or the situation I am in and not just
17:05
pushing off action how can I take any
17:08
action to build a better life and I
17:11
think that's something you know we've
17:12
done a previous episode on our
17:14
agreements and our relationship about
17:16
how we go through life and long-term
17:18
planning right in long-term planning
17:20
that just means I'm having iterative
17:22
steps of action that I'm willing to take
17:24
and a lot of us get stuck in this
17:26
analysis paralysis where we sit there
17:28
and go I can't take any action you know
17:30
James Clear talks about this in Atomic
17:31
Habits a lot is this planning before the
17:34
action and we can stay in the spot and
17:36
we can commiserate around how bad things
17:38
are we can rationalize how not so bad
17:40
they are we can talk about preparing to
17:43
take action and until we cross that
17:47
threshold of discomfort to actually move
17:49
into action nothing changes and so
17:51
bringing that to awareness is step one
17:54
dr becky talked about it on that episode
17:56
on her Good Inside podcast do you
17:58
remember we were talking about it and
18:00
she talked about you know if there's a
18:02
fear of moving forward and the the
18:04
action plans are too many and you think
18:07
about the steps that need to be taken
18:09
and you think about let's say there's
18:12
seven steps and you aren't making any
18:15
moves forward we we talked about and she
18:18
talked about in that episode then the
18:20
first step was too big yeah i the way I
18:22
recall it was a teacher or something
18:24
told her that it's like if you're
18:25
finding yourself in procrastination or
18:27
in action it's because the first step's
18:29
too big so cut it in half make it
18:31
smaller and if it's still then make it
18:33
smaller make it smaller make it smaller
18:34
and so I think philosophically that
18:36
makes sense because I have a clearly
18:39
stated goal and I want to do that but
18:41
with the region beta paradox we're
18:42
saying by default my stated goal is
18:45
status quo right right so it's almost
18:48
the opposite of that of you know how do
18:50
I stretch that spring a little bit and
18:53
even just to recognize my own
18:55
propensities to want to stay the course
18:58
and tolerate i can think of an example
19:00
that I think a lot of people would
19:01
relate to you know my closet is the bane
19:04
of my existence it is so overwhelming it
19:06
is so stressful i've got too many
19:08
clothes for the given space i struggle
19:11
with determining if I should let
19:12
something go i've got some scarcity
19:14
stuff in my history related to like what
19:16
if I don't have it again or what if I
19:17
need this tank top again and when I
19:20
think about the discomfort I feel every
19:22
single time I walk into my closet it's
19:24
so frustrating but then when I think
19:25
about having to give up a whole day to
19:27
clean my closet that sounds terrible and
19:30
so I think about you know the Dr becky
19:32
analogy that she talked about and so now
19:35
when I look at my closet I feel like I
19:37
can take a bite i know that it's a
19:39
problem I want to deal with and so
19:40
instead of thinking I need to do my
19:42
whole closet I go I can handle the tank
19:44
tops and I can go through just the tank
19:46
tops i can move enough so I can close
19:47
the door well it's not that bad but I'm
19:50
just saying you know I I can't think
19:52
about doing it with my whole closet and
19:53
then I have to try everything on and
19:55
then I have to deal with like shame if
19:56
something's too tight or it doesn't fit
19:58
or whatever when it's an easy situation
20:00
or an easy question like there like a
20:03
shirt is pilly that's easy enough for me
20:05
to put in the donation pile but if it
20:07
kind of fits or I liked it once or I
20:08
remember going somewhere in it and I
20:10
liked the experience it it becomes
20:12
overwhelming to me so I think trimming
20:14
down that first step is a good example
20:16
about I might recognize there's an issue
20:18
that I want to change and the overwhelm
20:20
of doing my whole closet seems like too
20:22
much and so then I'm frustrated every
20:24
time I go to get dressed take a small
20:26
step i think that's the other piece that
20:28
we want to talk about is just taking a
20:30
small step starting somewhere i think we
20:32
can all relate to that what I'm seeing
20:36
in my mind as we talk about it region
20:39
beta paradox right is what we're talking
20:41
about is moving the threshold of
20:44
discomfort sure and that's almost you
20:47
almost just illustrated the
20:51
unconscious reaction to staying
20:54
underneath that threshold mhm so you
20:58
know I can go in my closet and I see
21:00
stuff on my floor and as long as I can
21:02
safely step over and navigate it without
21:04
putting a footprint in my favorite what
21:06
right then then I can I can go okay it's
21:09
fine it's fine it's fine because the big
21:12
thing of cleaning the closet is
21:14
overwhelming and what I've heard you
21:15
describe is well chunk up the progress
21:18
so that I can do the littlest amount of
21:21
action as possible without having to
21:23
cross the threshold m and what I would
21:26
challenge you to consider is think of a
21:29
time that for whatever reason maybe we
21:32
were moving and you had no choice but to
21:34
go into the closet and then you went
21:37
into the closet and you cleaned it right
21:39
how good did you feel after you took
21:42
that big step so so the the piece to
21:46
take away from this is what does it take
21:48
to take action to cross the threshold
21:51
because we believe going over that
21:53
threshold causes pain and discomfort and
21:56
uncertainty and we avoid it and so we
21:58
avoid it it's a riskmanagement strategy
22:00
and we avoid it so we either do kind of
22:02
what you just described which is we
22:03
lower the threshold we take smaller
22:05
bites we do everything in our
22:06
unconscious power to stay on this side
22:10
of the threshold because we believe
22:13
crossing the threshold is is too hard
22:15
it's not worth it it's going to my
22:17
closet isn't bad enough if it's
22:18
organized enough and that that
22:20
discomfort will last a long time but the
22:23
inverse is true what what the peculiar
22:26
longevity of things not so bad tells us
22:28
what this region beta paradox is is
22:30
we're actually prolonging the discomfort
22:32
by staying on the on this side of the as
22:35
you're talking about it i'm imagining
22:36
giving up part of my weekend and just
22:38
doing it and then thinking about how
22:41
good I feel that it's just been handled
22:43
and every time I go to get dressed I'm
22:45
proud of myself which motivates future
22:47
behavior i'm excited about it and and
22:50
that's great because you're to you're
22:51
tapped into your dopamineergic system
22:53
and and you can imagine having done that
22:56
enough that you know I know I will that
22:58
were hard that I know what it feels like
22:59
but so many people that get stuck in the
23:02
region beta zone and they don't cross
23:05
that comfort that threshold of
23:07
discomfort until it's too bad i think
23:10
they build up more associations with
23:12
avoiding things that are too bad i would
23:15
they don't always redo their calculus
23:16
and go "Oh wait a minute that wasn't so
23:18
bad." Right and life doesn't meet us on
23:20
our terms so then when something happens
23:22
that is out of our control that forces
23:24
us to move forward we then can go you
23:27
know I even though it was terrible that
23:28
I got fired from my job I'm really glad
23:30
that it happened because it forced me to
23:33
you know to stretch a little bit and to
23:35
face those discomforts ultimately
23:36
improving the quality of my life
23:38
eventually and knowing you know so I
23:41
think the couple of lessons are
23:43
one bringing it to awareness right
23:46
everything that we do we improve when we
23:48
can bring our subconscious unconscious
23:50
to consciousness and noticing be in
23:53
relationship with it we notice you know
23:55
the second thing is asking ourselves why
23:58
am I resisting change is that rational
24:02
is my spring wound too tight where I'm
24:04
going to suffer death by a thousand cuts
24:07
because you know what am I afraid of and
24:09
then bringing that into consciousness as
24:11
well and having that kind of plan to to
24:14
move through it yeah well I so
24:17
appreciate you coming on this show today
24:19
to discuss this one of your favorite
24:22
topics and hopefully this becomes a good
24:24
resource for future clients that we can
24:27
refer them to understand when we see it
24:29
with our clients and hopefully you as
24:31
the listener are resonating with some of
24:34
these ideas and are maybe feeling a
24:36
little bit motivated to make some bigger
24:38
changes perhaps without the universe
24:41
forcing you to do so so that you can
24:43
really live to your fullest fruition and
24:46
live your best life and not have uh
24:48
something out of your control require
24:50
you to do so and if you're not motivated
24:52
to action think about it right stay
24:55
stuck if nothing changes nothing changes
24:57
so Patrick thank you so much for being
25:00
here with me today i always enjoy our
25:02
conversations and appreciate your time
25:04
and your passion to look into new
25:06
concepts and your willingness to be the
25:08
maven on these sorts of topics i really
25:10
appreciate it so thank you pleasure
25:12
thanks for having me yes thank you so
25:14
much for tuning in today to Adaptable we
25:16
hope this inspires you to make some
25:17
changes in your life and if not if
25:20
you're thinking of someone that this
25:21
reminds you of please feel free to share
25:23
this episode to help them maybe bump
25:26
them through to making some changes to
25:28
improve their lives but until we meet
25:30
again don't forget to lead with love
25:32
it'll never steer you wrong
25:35
[Music]
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