0:00
And that kind of openness requires
0:02
trust. And trust isn't built overnight.
0:04
It's built in small moments over time
0:07
when someone listens without fixing,
0:09
without judging, when they hold space
0:11
without needing to do something with it.
0:14
And and also, it's about consistency.
0:16
You know, if you call them and you say,
0:18
"Can I talk?" It's it's someone who's
0:19
willing to be there for you. So, if
0:22
you've ever struggled with intimacy,
0:23
you're certainly not alone. Many of us
0:25
have parts of us that fear being seen
0:27
fully. Parts that say, you know, if they
0:30
really knew me, they'd leave or they
0:32
wouldn't like what they found. But
0:34
healing happens when we begin to
0:36
challenge that belief and when we let
0:38
someone in and discover that we're still
0:40
loved even when we're not just right. So
0:43
something you might want to ask yourself
0:45
is, what helps me to feel safe enough to
0:47
be vulnerable? And how can I offer that
0:49
same safety to somebody else? Because
0:52
we're not just wanting intimacy for
0:54
ourselves. We want to be able to provide
0:56
that intimacy and connection to other
0:58
people that we're in relationship with
1:00
so that we're not in a lopsided
1:01
relationship. That we give and we
1:04
receive. We share and we hear. And so
1:07
building connection takes effort. It
1:10
takes consistency. But it takes
1:12
curiosity. And so one of the most
1:15
important and underrated tools for
1:17
building intimacy is curiosity. When we
1:20
are genuinely curious about how someone
1:23
sees the world, what they're going
1:25
through, how they're adapting to it, we
1:27
can create space for that connection.
1:30
And a lot of times curiosity is not as
1:33
hard as we might make it. It it can
1:35
sound like, you know, what was that like
1:36
for you? Or help me understand what you
1:38
were feeling. What does it mean to you
1:41
when you say that? It's not about
1:43
agreeing with someone. It's not about
1:45
solving a problem for someone. It's not
1:48
about comparing it against what you
1:50
would do. It's just about understanding
1:51
that everybody is different and they're
1:53
going to respond to things in their life
1:55
in in in a different way. And so and
1:57
when we feel understood, we feel safe
1:59
and we can then feel close. So in
2:01
relationships, curiosity is the antidote
2:04
to assumption. It invites us to slow
2:06
down, to listen, to ask, and to see our
2:10
partner or our friends or our family or
2:13
our colleagues not as a reflection of
2:15
our own fears, but as a whole person
2:18
with their very own story. So, the next
2:20
time that you feel disconnected, I want
2:22
you to try this. You're in a pause and
2:24
take a breath and ask a curious
2:26
question. And you might be surprised
2:28
what opens up for you. So the next thing
2:31
that we're going to talk about is uh
2:33
contracting compromise and emotional
2:35
safety. So a lot of times we know what
2:38
we need but we don't express it or we're
2:41
not willing to do what we need to do to
2:44
create safety in a relationship. And so
2:46
contracting isn't a legal agreement.
2:48
It's about an emotional agreement. It's
2:50
unspoken or even spoken understanding
2:52
that we create to help each other feel
2:54
safe in relationships. So maybe some
2:57
examples would be like, you know, hey,
2:59
when we argue, let's agree not to raise
3:01
our voices or let's agree not to cuss
3:03
each other out or name call or if you
3:05
need space, let's just let me know
3:07
instead of just disappearing and not
3:09
responding. Let's check in every Sunday
3:11
and just see how we're doing. Even if
3:13
it's five or 10 minutes if you don't
3:15
have a lot of space, but let's make a
3:16
rule to just kind of be in touch so we
3:18
understand how we are in the world.
3:21
These contracts can create a little bit
3:23
of structure and some safety around
3:25
expectations and they can say I care
3:27
about how you feel. I want to protect
3:29
our connection. I want to protect our
3:31
relationship. Uh and compromise is part
3:34
of this. Not the kind where you abandon
3:36
yourself, but the kind where you say,
3:38
you know, your needs matter to me, and
3:40
I'm willing to meet you halfway.
