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sometimes our partner isn't doing
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anything overtly wrong and yet we feel a
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growing sadness about the state of our
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relationship they aren't as attentive as
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we'd hoped there are times when they
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don't seem to understand us they're
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often busy preoccupied or even abrupt
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they may show little interest in the
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details of our day they might call their
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friends instead of spending time with us
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this leaves us feeling disenchanted and
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let down love was supposed to be
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wonderful but without any major incident
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it just doesn't feel that way dayto day
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the Paradox this sorrow has a
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paradoxical Source we feel sad now
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because we were once fortunate it's our
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past luck that creates our present
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dissatisfaction to understand this
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Paradox we need to explore the origins
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of our ideas about love our sense of
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what a good loving relationship should
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be doesn't come from adulthood it comes
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from Early Childhood at its best
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childhood offers moments of
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extraordinary satisfaction a loving
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parent who knows when we're hungry or
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tired even without us having to say
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anything someone who makes us feel
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completely safe who entertains us and
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indulges our needs even if we don't
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remember the specifics these experiences
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of being cherished leave a deep
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impression they become the template for
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what we expect love to be as adults we
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unconsciously project this idealized
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experience of Love onto our
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relationships and we find them lacking
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in comparison this comparison is
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corrosive and ultimately unfair the love
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we received as children isn't a
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realistic model for adult relationships
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and the differences between the two are
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profound childhood versus es adulthood
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in childhood our needs were simpler we
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needed someone to feed us wash us and
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put us to bed we didn't require deep
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emotional understanding our caregivers
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didn't need to navigate the complexities
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of why we prefer one TV series over
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another or why visiting our aunt on
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Sunday matters or why bread must be cut
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with a specific knife parents
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intuitively met basic physical and
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emotional needs adult Partners faced the
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challenge of deciphering far subtler and
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more complicated desires additionally
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childhood love was entirely one-sided
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our parents were focused on caring for
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us expecting nothing in return they
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didn't share their struggles with us or
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rely on us for support all we had to do
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to please them was exist grasping a
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biscuit or rolling over could fill them
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with joy we were loved unconditionally
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without having to reciprocate as adults
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love is reciprocal our partners have
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their own needs concerns and
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frustrations they can't always Marvel at
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our every move or remain endlessly
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patient yet our childhood experiences
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may lead us to expect otherwise these
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expectations set us up for
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disappointment the role of parents our
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parents likely shielded us from the
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burdens of caring for us they maintained
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a cheerful facade during the day they
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reserved their exhaustion and
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frustrations for the privacy of their
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bedroom after we were asleep this
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kindness though well-meaning created an
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unrealistic expectation of what love
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entails it taught us that love is
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effortless which it never truly was in
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adulthood when our partners are too
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tired to talk seem indifferent or don't
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admire our every action we may feel
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bitter we might believe this isn't how
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love is supposed to be ironically this
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is exactly how our parents likely felt
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at times we were simply unaware of it
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conclusion the source of our sadness
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isn't a failing on the part of our
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partners they are neither uniquely
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selfish nor tragically inept the problem
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lies in how we judge our adult
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relationships against the idealized love
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of our childhood our partners aren't
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falling short they're just human they're
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navigating the complexities of adult
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life our sorrow doesn't mean we've
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chosen the wrong person it reflects the
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fact that we've grown up and now we must
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reconcile our childhood dreams of love
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with the realities of adult
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relationships have you ever felt
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disenchanted in a relationship even when
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your partner wasn't doing anything wrong
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how do you navigate the gap between
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childhood expectations and adult
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realities share your thoughts in the
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comments below if this video gave you
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new insights like subscribe and share it
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with someone who might need it visit
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