Making Personal Life Changes That Stick

Anne has a weight problem. She has tried many different diets, but they just don't seem to work. Although she sticks with them, and sometimes loses weight, the effects never last for long. In the end, she gives up, feeling disheartened and that she really can't change her situation. Anne is typical of many who want to alter their lives in profound ways, but find that they are unable to make these changes last. Is there a remedy? Yes. The secret to long-lasting personal change lies in understanding what change is all about, as well as our expectations when we try to bring change into our lives. Most importantly, lasting change only happens when we are clear about our motivations. Only when we are truly honest with ourselves are we are likely to make the right changes and, consequently experience real, meaningful, lasting fulfillment. Inner vs. Outer Change. There are two types of change: the first is characterized as inner, and the second as outer change. It is important to know the difference. Inner change happens inside ourselves when we resolve something. Inner change is lasting and based on a solid foundation of thinking and feeling differently about our life. Inner change happens when, suddenly, our life seems different and filled with new possibilities, as when we overcome the pain of an old love affair. Outer change, on the other hand, relates to life's externalities. These happen when we are bored or dissatisfied and try to introduce something that alleviates these feelings. We might, for example, redecorate our apartment, buy new clothes or move to a new city. Outer change is, at its core, fleeting - it all too often fails to address the inner conflicts it sought to mollify. The fallacy in this type of outer change is a belief that it will make us feel better about our inner selves in a lasting way. If an overweight person decides to lose weight, yet the real motivation is low self-image, no amount of weight loss will improve the problem. Why Change? Whenever we seek to alter our outside world to pacify unnamed inner conflicts, we inevitably come face to face with our old feelings. This can become a negative cycle of never-ending pursuit of outer change that, in the end, solves nothing.