I'm afraid to be gay. I met someone, but I screwed it all up.

I’m a recently 22-year-old college student, with absolutely no relationship experience. Living in a highly conservative (think “Fox News is too liberal”, literal swastikas hanging on the wall “conservative”) family, I’ve spent my life doing everything possible to hide the fact I’m gay, all the while hoping somehow I was not. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I am, and that’s not going to change, but I still have to hide it. In fact, just hiding it isn’t good enough. At home, I must be gay if I’m not actively lusting after and borderline sexually harassing women. It’s exhausting. Having been homeschooled on top of this, I’ve never had the chance to meet or tell anyone. I’ve never been on a date, never been kissed… I’ve never even been hugged, and I’m a very hugg-y kind of person. I finally left home a year ago to start college, and I’ve probably met more people in a few months than I had the previous 21 years of my life. The freedom I have now is amazing. Sadly, though, my school is pretty small (~2,100 students), and the LGBT population on campus is tiny (a college equivalent of a gay-straight alliance tried to start up, but gave up after months of being harassed and having found only 5 LGBT-identifying people to join). The city my school is in isn’t super LGBT-friendly, and isn’t really a “college town”, so people don’t really leave campus. That is to say that my dating/gay friend-making prospects are pretty small. I spent this last summer interning at a large state university that’s a 4 or 5 hour drive from my school. While there, I met this guy that I was almost instantly head-over-heels for. I can’t possibly begin to describe how sweet, smart, and absolutely adorable he is. I’m talking one of those people that you meet and just go “wow”. Read more: https://www.enotalone.com/topic/450872-i-met-someone-but-i-screwed-it-all-up-because-i%E2%80%99m-afraid-to-be-gay/ #gay #dating