Getting Back your Ex can happen It can if you really get your act together

I lost my partner and used to spend some time on this board. When that happened, it seemed she was being immature and unreasonable. Over time I discovered that I was just as nuts as she is. And I began a learning process that I was changed by. Through that I was able to bring her back into my life. This process was not days, weeks, or months - but years. So, I want to tell you, it is possible. If you really... I mean really get your act together. But I believe it will not happen by itself. My belief now is that when people split it is because both are equally screwed up and neither knows what to do about it. Though the one who has been left has the power to change it. The one who leaves, less so. That's my belief. Here are some thoughts that I have seen regularly on this forum that, from where I look now, seem to be ways of looking at things that stand in the way of getting that 'great' relationship back. I encourage you to discard these ways of thinking. While at the same time supporting and validating the folks who currently are in this frame of mind. I understand you too and you make sense given what you've been through. I've just seen different. No matter how you try to bend this situation, hon, it doesn't change the facts. She's gone. I came across another thread that talked of GIGS breakups. And my case seems to be a perfect example. All the symptoms just fit in right. You broke up for a reason, because it wasn't meant to be. No Contact is for you. No Contact will make my partner miss me. I'm not going to get into the details about why these thoughts seem to me not so helpful. I encourage you to find the answers for yourself. What I can tell you is that my belief is that any form of punishment, invalidation, or withholding does not lead to real love and healing. It is wounding that lead to the struggle and the separation. Continuing the hurt and inability to understand your partner can not get it back. For a time, I think it's natural to believe that someone else may work things out better or that through withholding you can get a partner to 'want' to come back. This is usually the state of mind the partner breaking up gets in and the person breaking up ends up with. At first. But my belief is that we choose each other precisely because of the problems we have with each other, as well as the good things. This is how I believe our minds seek to complete an uncomplete 'growing up'. And that taking rather than giving space doesn't solve anything.