Couldn't Pretend So I left Christianity

I miss being an unquestioning Christian. I used to evangelize, fast, pray, and preach. I was one that people looked up to as a Christian role model, with nicknames like Bibleman. But what no one knew was that I had always struggled with questions that seemed to drag my walk down, even if just for brief moments. Those were some agonizing moments. One minute I'm reading the Bible, the next I'm rebuking the spirit of doubt. I would pray that these thoughts would just disappear because the more I tried to destroy them with reason, the louder those nasty questions became. Questions like, "Why did God cast the devil onto the earth?" We are talking about a being who was able to convince a third of the angels in heaven. Surely, innocent, naive humans had no chance, did they? What is this idea of "war in heaven"? How can a finite being called Lucifer, fight a war against an all-powerful, all-knowing, omni-present God? The answers to these and many more questions were, "Those are God's secrets", "You can't understand his ways", and, "If you read the Bible with the Holy Spirit, everything will be revealed to you." I slowly started embracing the doubts and decided to follow them wherever they would lead me. Although I am still struggling subconsciously with concepts of hell and eternal damnation, I feel more grounded and more honest with myself. It's liberating. If you are having questions like these, I encourage you to continue asking and probing. The truth should never fear investigation. It should not be afraid of illumination. If it is indeed the truth, it will become stronger. If it is a lie, it will be exposed. Find comfort in your doubt.