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http://www.thebrooker.com Every day I have the privilege of delivering an important message about the incredible power of gratitude. Check in once a day to see and hear how this amazing belief can transform, re-focus, and re-frame your life into one of appreciation and thankfulness. You will look at your life much differently, and will feel a level of joy that escapes so many people as they cope with the trials and tribulations of everyday life filled with struggles and challenges. I promise you, this power will change your life.
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KIXI Radio. With over 350 gratitude videos posted on YouTube, 38,000 viewers have seen
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this message and he is now considered a leading authority on gratitude and how living a life
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of gratitude can enhance and improve your life. So ladies and gentlemen, let's please
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welcome David Gergenberg, our gratitude guy. Thank you, Charlie. Thank you, Charlie, and thank you, Jennifer, for inviting me. I've
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had the opportunity to speak up here a couple of times and for some reason I have such profound
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respect for people that put on events like this and whether it's a small crowd, I've
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spoken to 10 or 12 people up to a couple of thousand and it never makes any difference
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to me because if there's one person there, it's worth it if one person can hear a message
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And for some reason, I'm not sure this is even completely appropriate, but it kind of reminds me when I asked, invited a friend over for dinner once and I said, would you
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like to come over for dinner? And he said, what are you having? And I said, well, not
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you anymore. If you care what we have, for crying out loud, it's like, gosh, oh, spare
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ribs, I'll be right there. Oh, spaghetti, forget it. So let me just start out with
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I have a message that I feel very, very strongly about. And as I said, whether there's 500
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or 1,000 or one person, it makes no difference to me. But let me ask this question. How many
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people here have suffered a significant personal loss in your life by show of hands? Thank
1:29
you. Again, regardless of size, it's always about 75, 80, 90%, somewhere in that neighborhood
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It's a large, large number. And the reason why it's so important to me is I start out
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by talking about the most significant day in my life with a personal loss and it was
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September 29th, 1998. It was 15 years ago last Sunday. As I went through the anniversary
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last week, I made it about halfway through the day. And then later in the day, it was
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a very, very difficult day. But what had happened is a Tuesday back in 1998 on the 29th of September
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and I woke up and I looked over in bed and I couldn't find my wife. And I thought, that's
2:08
strange. I wonder where Dana is. And then just then, Connor, my four-year-old comes
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in and says, where's mom? And I don't know. Let's find her. So I get out of bed and we
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walk down the hallway. Kyle, my 14-year-old comes in and says, where's mom? Same question
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I don't know. So we look in a couple of rooms and we walk down, we look downstairs and in
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front of the washer and dryer, she is face down and she's sort of hunched over and curled
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over. It doesn't look good. So I go running down there and I turn her over and there's
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this sort of stuff coming out of her mouth and things. And Connor starts crying and I
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yelled to Kyle, I said, go call the police, call the fire. And within a matter of about
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10 or 15 minutes, maybe less, there's probably 25 people in our house. Just like one of those
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shows on TV and there's wires and tubes and paddles and they're doing the electric shock
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thing and her chest is bumping up in the air. And again, that's why I always ask if people
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have gone through traumas because people always come up to me afterwards. I had a chance to
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talk to Michael before we got started today and hearing something about his story. And
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I met Charlie before. And it's just interesting to hear people's stories and how they process
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things. Well, for those of you that have been through something like this that's been traumatic
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one thing I will tell you that happens is that time loses all measure. And I wasn't
3:23
sure how much time had passed, but this little short fireperson comes over to me and says
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Mr. Brooke, we've been working on your wife for an hour and a half. We still don't have
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a heartbeat. Would you like us to continue? And even when you're in shock, the brain still
3:43
manages to process things. And I said, no, you can stop. And she was dead. She was 38
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years old. I remember thinking later that day, I don't think I'd ever made a life and
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death decision for anybody in my life. And here I was making that decision for Dana
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But what had made it so particularly compelling for me is that wasn't the first thing that
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had happened to me. Earlier in my life, my mom and dad had gotten divorced and then my
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mom got cancer and she unfortunately passed away. And I was at a pretty young age. I was
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in my 20s. And then my father, pretty prominent attorney in Seattle, decided to end his life
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one day. And it just went on and on and on. And I remember thinking, this is why I'm so
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passionate about this message of gratitude. How am I going to cope with this? And again
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no matter how many people, I cannot emphasize that enough, I get to talk to, tell me these
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stories. And the very first thing, I might even have said this to Michael when he and I were chatting. What did you do? How did you cope with it? What trick did you, what
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tool did you use? What saved you? What helped you? And so, I remember a couple of days later
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walking up on the deck, and I was still in the days after Dana's death, and I started
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kind of pinching my skin and I just went, I'm just a human being. I'm just a little
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guy here, bone and cartilage. I don't know if I can do this. And for the first time ever
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it made me realize why people kill themselves. But I thought, I'm not going to do that
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And that is off the table. Here's Connor, as I mentioned, four, and here's Kyle, 14
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I'm just not going to do that. So that's not a decision anymore. So along the way, it also
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occurred to me, it all depends on how you look at something. You have to decide. Some
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of you have glasses of wine or water, and it's like glass half full and that type of thing. But just to illustrate the point, I'd like you to all stand up if you would for
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a second. And I just want to have you do something for a second. Nothing big. A little
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out of participation, but nothing fancy. Take your right arm, put it up in the air and turn
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it in a clockwise manner. Now there is a clock there. Oh, I don't have a clock on. But there's
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a clock there. But this is a clockwise manner. We're all digital now. So keep it going, keep
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it going clockwise, and just start to slowly bring it down. Keep it going clockwise and
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bring it down to your eyes, your chin, your chest, maybe your waist. Now what direction
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is it going? Counterclockwise. Thank you, Michael. Okay, you can sit down. So there's
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always a few people that, did I switch? Did I start going the opposite direction? I have
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a good friend that, he's actually a master's or a PhD, I don't know, he has so many degrees
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I can't. But he actually came to one of my talks and said, so what's the story on that circle thing? I said, what do you mean what's the story? He said, do people change midstream
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I said, no. You look at it from the top, you look at it from the bottom. It just depends
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on how you look at it. Oh, okay, I thought it was something special. I said, that's fine
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But it's just my way of saying you have a choice. A lot of times when I do workshops
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I talk about a T in the road. And you can't go straight anymore, you got to go left or
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right. Left is my way with gratitude and embracing gratitude and seeing the good in your life
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and right is the way you've been doing it. If you want to stay going that direction, that's fine. But I can't help you. But I realize it takes as long as it takes. When I was 19
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years old, I wanted to be a speaker. I graduated from high school and I went to the University
7:23
of Washington and a teacher called me back and said, I'd like you to speak to my class
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Why me? I don't know, I think you're going to be successful, which is kind of a dubious
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I don't know if that's true or not. But I came back and I spoke to his class and I remember
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being all nervous and Marie was talking about listening to a speaker and people get nervous
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I had to have a glass of water. But I really thought I want to be a speaker someday, but
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I never knew what it was going to be. So it took me 45 years to decide what I was going
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to talk about. Now I am 63 years old. I know you're thinking he doesn't look a day over
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62, but it's gone by fast, but it doesn't matter. But one of the things I think people
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have to realize, and I actually I think I mentioned this to Charlie as well. All I'm
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trying to tell people is I've got an alternative out here for you and it's called gratitude and it's called a gratitude journal. And we're all looking for ways to cope. But you have
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to remember it takes as long as it takes. And I have a ton of examples, but I'll just
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tell you one. So Connor was four when Dana died. So you can imagine how that must have
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been for him. What's happened? He was right there when he saw her take her last breath
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or she was dead. So it was a challenge. So I had him in kindergarten and they said, you
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know, your son has got real problems. We need to have him do an assessment. We've got to
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put him through all these different tests and things. So I remember the day we did it
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He was about four and a half because he was just a little over four when Dana passed away
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So after it was all over, they said, go have him wait in the car. And I came in and went
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into the office and she reads the thing and tells me everything that's wrong with him
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He's really messed up. I said, his mom just died a few months ago. What do you expect
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Well, whatever. That's the way she was. She said, he's going to need all sorts of occupational
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therapy and extra special treatment and everything. I'm just, I can barely keep it together
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I had fraternity brothers tell me I wasn't the same for four or five years after Dana
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died. So it's a journey. You've got to get your way back. So I went back into the car
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and, well, actually before I went back to the car, we lived by Green Lake in Seattle
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and I said, well, you know, Mrs. whatever your name was, I said, I think Connor's going
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to be the starting quarterback at Roosevelt High School. I was a pretty decent athlete
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And she goes, no. And I never forgot that. She started laughing. He's not going to be
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any athlete. He's not going to have any success at all. You're going to have a very, very difficult time with him. So I went back, got in the car and I just burst into tears and
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couldn't stop crying. Connor kept going, Daddy, what's wrong? Why are you crying? I couldn't
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stop. I probably cried for 10 minutes or so. I couldn't tell him. For years, I didn't even
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tell him what happened to Dana. Dana had died of a prescription pill overdose. She got hooked
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on Vicodin, Oxycontin. It got worse and worse. I'd never seen a person arrested before in
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my life. She got arrested for prescription fraud. And she goes into this treatment center
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in Everett, Everett, Providence. And Dr. Dickinson calls me in one day and he said, are you David
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Brooke? Are you Dana's husband? I said, yeah. Well, I need to let you know what you're up
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against. See all those people over there? And they show the people that are the ones
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that are in recovery, they're going through the treatment. And they make you feel better
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by saying he's a policeman, they're a fire person, that's an architect or something
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And that's fine. I said, that's, I understand that. But all I care about is the blonde gal there. That's Dana. That's my wife. He goes, well, I've been doing this for 35 years. One
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in 20 is all will make it back to a normal life. One. And of the 19 that don't, half
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of them will be dead in the next six months. And Dana died about six months later. So they
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know what they're talking about and it's tough. But I realized that you got to hang in there
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And again, it doesn't matter what the burden is, what the, the part that you're carrying
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on your shoulders. And I'll get to this in just a second, because this is what the key
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part of what I talk about is how gratitude in a particular gratitude journal can save
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you and change you and take you back from some of the depths that I've heard that are
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just unbelievable people have gone through. So Connor wanted to play baseball and he wasn't
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very good. And I remember thinking through time, maybe that lady was right. As rude as
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she was, maybe she was right. So he does coach pitch. How many people here have kids? Again
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see, almost, it's always about 80, 90%. Double hands. I even like that too. So he gets to
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tee ball. Now, I'm sorry, he can't, he doesn't hit the ball. He hits above the ball. I go
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no, Connor, hit the ball. And then he hits the tee and the ball dribbles forward. He
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goes, I got a hit. I go, no, Connor, you have to hit the ball. This is how it works. And
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he's swinging up here. And we went through all these stages. And I started thinking maybe
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she's right. And then we get to May 31st, 2005. He's like 9 years old, 10 years old
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And there's a game and it's the bottom of the seventh and he hasn't been able to hit
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throw, catch, run, anything. He just can't. He'd go in the dugout and put his hands in
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his face and just cry because he couldn't hit anything. You know, if he was lucky, he'd
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get hit by a pitch. But it's the bottom of the seventh and there's guys on second and
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third and they're down seven to six and there's two out. Guess who comes walking out of the
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dugout? So I look, oh, goodness. And here comes Connor. He's smiling, waves to me in
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the stands. You know, usually they don't look at their parents. It's like waving to him. I go, don't just pretend I'm not here. He gets up to bat. And as he gets up to bat
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I, of course, do what only seems logical. How about a walk? Maybe another hit by a pitch
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I'm hoping for anything. Ball one, strike one, ball two, it's full count. Next pitch
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comes whipping in and he just rips it down the third baseline, goes just inside the bag
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in the left field. The guy comes in from third, the guy from around second comes in, the ball
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the guy, the catcher, they all come in. The catcher catches the ball, they all crash together
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and the ball pops out. And they win eight to seven. So guess who's standing out on second
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base, all by himself. The entire dugout goes out and carries him off the field on their
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shoulders. I am telling you, even to this day, I still have a hard time telling that
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story because I had such a lump in my throat. But when he came home that night, I sat him
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down on the bed and I said, Connor, it was never about baseball. It's about the fact
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that he never gave up. And he never did give up. He just graduated last year. I had to
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hold him back because he's 19. You're not going to be able to see this very well, but
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there's his graduating picture. He's six foot two. And this year, the year he graduated
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last year, he was a starting pitcher at Bothell High School on their team. Oh, thank you
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You're getting a book just for being the first person that started to clap right there. What
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is your name? Mary. Thank you, Mary. Did you see that? The minute I said, I just go, this
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is yours, because I can't, I can't collect it. Thank you. But the thing is, I realized
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that. So now, I had a friend of mine say, you know what, you're struggling. You're having
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a tough time. And this is really what I want to spend the majority of my time that's left
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about. You need to get a gratitude journal. He's a very good friend of mine. Now, how
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many people here have ever heard of a gratitude journal, truthfully? A few hands. Cool. How
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many of you have ever heard of a journal? How many have ever seen a journal? Yes. Okay
15:24
That's everybody. Thank you. Well, I had never seen a gratitude journal. I'd never heard
15:28
of it. What's that? Well, you write what you're grateful for. What's the point of that? It was, well, you're struggling. And if you think about, you're wondering how you're going to
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cope in life. Let me tell you, this will help you. So I get this gratitude journal. I order
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it. I get it from Amazon. I get one that has a little magnetic closure on it. I just put
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it on my shelf and don't touch it for three months. I don't understand why I did that. A lot of people do that. They order it and they just don't do anything with it. But then
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I started writing in it. And I noticed how everything started to change because it totally
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refocuses you on everything you're grateful for in your life and everything you have versus
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what you don't have. All you have to do, I know they get a ton of blame. All you have
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to do is turn on the paper, turn on the paper, read the paper, turn on the TV, turn on the
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radio. It's always about, there was a shooting. And this is what really got me. I walked by
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the TV one day and they said, there's been a shooting in the West Seattle. Now stay tuned
16:23
as more details become available. And I'm thinking, why would I care about more details
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What caliber of the bullet was that really matter to me? I thought, what are you doing
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Why are you even paying attention to this? So I started focusing on all this positive
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Then I made my own journal. The Brooker's Daily Gratitude Journal. And I sell a lot
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of these, but I tell people, you can buy mine. You can get them online at thebrooker.com
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all this. But that's not the point. The point is, do something, affirmations, journaling
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gratitude journals, something that helps you focus on everything in your life that you're
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thankful for. I've met a lot of people. I was telling, I think Donna and Charlie and
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Michael perhaps, that I used to do, I was managing the Lowe's over here in Mount Vernon
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I decided to get out of the corporate world. I'm going to do this full time. And I would do one or two talks a week. And now I do two or three, or one or two talks a month. And
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now I do two or three or sometimes four a week. And I feel like the most blessed, most
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fortunate person around. If I can make a difference in one person's life. But what happened on
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this, I told people, if you write about it, if you think about it, excuse me, it's like
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a dream. If you talk about it, it inspires you. But if you write about it, it empowers
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you. It's like a thought here. I'm so grateful Jennifer invited me. I'm so grateful I had
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a chance to reconnect with Charlie. Anything that you think about goes from your brain
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to your heart, to your arm, to the pen, to the paper. And you write it down and you can
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go back and refer to it and see it and so on and so forth. So it makes a huge, huge
17:55
difference. So I like to do, when I do workshops, I do this with a piece of paper. There's no
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more standing up, so don't get freaked out. But I want you to do something for me. I want
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to just do a little test here. So one of the things I talk about, the structure of this
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gratitude journal. And then of course, this is another thing I love. There's Connor's
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picture. This is my journal. Here's today, Saturday the 5th. So people see it and they
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flip through. They go, oh, you're writing that every day. I hope so. I'm up here talking
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about this. Do you think I just write in it occasionally? I say, you have to write in this every day. It takes 7 and a half minutes. But there's the day and the date and the daily
18:35
number, which we're going to talk about in a second. A couple of lines on what's happening
18:39
in your life, current events. That's so you don't need another journal or diary. And then
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what you're grateful for today, the highlight of your day. And on the right hand side is
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what you're going to be grateful for tomorrow. That's what's known as your gratitude intentions
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The subconscious mind cannot distinguish between what you think is going to happen
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and what actually happens. And that's why you can program your brain to be grateful
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for something that hasn't even happened yet. So daily number, 1 to 10. 10 is one of the
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best days of your life. And 1 is one of the worst days of your life. So I want you to
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all think about, I'm not going to make anybody say their numbers or anything. I just want
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you to think about what your number is today. No halves. 1 through 10. 10 is the best, 1
19:23
is the worst. Okay, so has everybody got their number in their head? So if you're a 1 to
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5, don't raise your hand. I don't want to embarrass anybody. But I'd like to see by
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a show of hands, do we have any 6's? Okay, any 7's? A few more. Any 8's? A few more
19:44
9's? 1. And any 10's? 2. Fantastic. Mary, what's your name? Susan. Mary and Susan. Thank
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you. Okay, so now I want you to reprogram your brain for a second. I want you to think
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about the most important thing in your life that you have that you're grateful for. You
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don't have to tell anybody. I'm not going to give you any hints. I know what they are for me. But I want you to think about the thing in your life you are the most grateful
20:10
for. Just plan it. Right there. Okay, and now you've got that there. Now I want you
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to think of the second most important thing you have in your life that you're grateful
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for. So now you've got two things. And I'm going to ask you to add one last thing. What
20:27
was the highlight of your day today? Now it's about 6 or 6.30, something like that. So we've
20:33
had a day that's gone by. I want you to think of what was the best thing that happened to
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you today. And if you can't think of today, think of yesterday. So you've got those three
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things. Best thing you're most grateful for, second most grateful, and what the highlight
20:48
of your day was. So plant those in your mind. Okay? Now I want to try this again. One to
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five, don't raise your hand. How many sixes now? Okay, how many sevens? One, couple. How
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many eights? A few more. How many nines? Much better. And how many tens? I'm going
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to give all of you three 20 bucks just for making my little exercise look good. What's
21:18
your name? Jim. Susan, Mary, and Jim. I'm excited to be able to go, where's my 20? After
21:25
the thing's over. I'm looking at your books now, where's my 20? I'm just trying to prove
21:29
a point. I do that on paper, and it's even more powerful because you're writing it down
21:36
and I spend a little more time. But depending on the size of the group, and I don't always have time to pass out paper. But I just try to illustrate, it's that amazing, this power
21:45
And when you're writing down the highlight of my day, so often lately, has been talking
21:50
to Connor, because Connor went to school, I think I was telling Donna this, Connor left
21:55
school and went to San Diego. And it has been very, very difficult for years, truly
21:59
because he and I were very close, and he was the younger of the two, of course. And it
22:03
made a huge, huge difference for me to write in this journal every day about how grateful
22:07
I am for having Connor, and have him been doing, I'll get it, so well since Dana passed
22:13
away. And all the things. So, here's what I want you to think about. Embracing gratitude
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I'm fortunate enough to do some TV shows and radio and things like this. One of the things
22:24
they always say is, what's the one thing you want us to take away from this? And I
22:29
said, well, just get a gratitude journal. Just give it a try. I know people say, here
22:34
have a drink, pop a pill, snort that junk. But I tell them, give it a try. You watch
22:40
what will happen to you. It's a very personal thing. I get to these workshops and a lot
22:45
longer talks. I go into detail about some other things that have happened, just to prove
22:49
a point. That I feel so strongly about as I stand up in front of groups. I'm not teaching
22:54
out of some book. These shoes have walked through this where I really wondered if I
23:00
was going to make it. So, I'm not just saying, well, it doesn't, I don't know how it feels for me, but it can work for you guys and gals. But it does. You embrace gratitude. It takes
23:10
as long as it takes. Understand you have to never, ever, ever give up. I believe that
23:16
is Winston Churchill. Get a gratitude journal. Use it. Try it. You'll be amazed how it will
23:22
change you. And lastly, share gratitude. Things aren't the same when we don't share them
23:31
One day I was, and this is a little personal, but I was up at Burlington, not far from here
23:35
a little north if you're doing a talk. And I woke up that morning and I was like a three
23:41
And my mom, that as I said died of cancer, had manic depressive disorder, later diagnosed
23:47
as bipolar. And I think I got some of that depressive stuff from her. I'm the gratitude
23:53
guy. I can't be depressed. Man. But I was about a three. I'm in trouble today. I've
24:00
got a talk later this afternoon. So I went to Starbucks, took my gratitude journal, wrote
24:04
it, and I think it bumped me up to about a five or a six. It really helped. I didn't
24:08
even take a shower. I just went down there and wrote it as quick as I could. Came up to Burlington, about 200 people at the Chamber of Commerce. I believe it was at the library
24:17
So after I'm done, the people come over and this gal comes up and she's standing in front
24:21
of me and she's crying. And she said, can I give you a hug? Now being single, of course
24:28
I never turned down a hug. So I said, well, of course. She gives me a hug and she goes
24:33
you just changed my life. And that's a very, very powerful thing to hear. I don't think
24:39
I change anybody's life. I give them the vehicles and maybe the ability to do it themselves
24:44
but it's still very powerful to hear. And then I had a bunch of people that were buying
24:49
books and it was just really great. And then she said, I want to get a couple of journals and I have a son. It was just the neatest thing. And I got back in the car. Two things
24:56
occurred to me. If you ever wonder who you're closest with in your life, who's the first
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person you call with the best or the worst news? That's how you know. So for me, I was
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so thrilled. I wanted to call Connor, but then I thought, nope, I'm just going to drive
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along. And I realized now I was a nine. I'd gone from a two to a six to a nine, no drinking
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no smoking, no drugs, no artificial stimulation, just writing in my gratitude journal and helping
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some people and making a difference in this woman, Janice's life. And as I drove back
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home, I just had this big smile on my face. And after working for Lowe's and some of the
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frustration of some of those goofball corporations, excuse me, I usually always, I never called
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my name. I said the opposite of high and not Home Depot. But anyway, but I took the rear
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view mirror and I just looked at myself and I went, I'm so proud of you for trying to
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make a difference because that's what I'm trying to do. But when you, when you have
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it and you get something you're excited about, you want to share it. So I learned how to
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fly a lot of years ago and I was flying down my ocean shores and all of a sudden I got
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in between cloud layers and you're not supposed to be there because I was a VFR pilot, visual
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flight rules. But all of a sudden the sun comes in and hits these clouds and it's like
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this incredible colors of a kaleidoscope is coming at me. I'm going maybe 150 knots and
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I'm just hanging on to the yoke. I'm just like, my eyes are like this, holy cow. And
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it's just coming above and below and it was just unbelievable. I've never seen colors
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like this. And then bang, I pop out of it and I'm out over the ocean and there's the
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ocean and the sand and the sun's coming in there. And I turned to my right and I went
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isn't that the most incredible color? Did you see those blues, the green, the red, the
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way that silver came? It was unbelievable. I went, oh, I was flying by myself. Nobody
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ever got to see that except me. And it really bothered me. So when you think about your
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life, embrace gratitude. It takes as long as it takes. Don't ever give up. Get a gratitude
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journal and then share it. But also remember too, when you go get back in those cars tonight
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windshield's about two feet by about four feet. It's pretty big. You ever notice the
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rear view mirror's about like this? So kind of keep that in proportion. Now the other
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day I saw some blue lights in the rear view mirror. That was different. I was for speeding
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But just understand, you mostly want to focus, learn from behind what's happened to you behind
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but don't make it any more of a proportion than the rear view mirror and a windshield
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And just take my word for it, if you give it a chance, it can change your life. It can
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transform your life. And in my particular case, I fully, fully believe it saved my life
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And it can save you guys' too. Thanks a lot. Thank you very much
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Thank you very much. You know, one of the things that I will attest to is the gratitude
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journal for myself personally. I had a couple of hills and valleys along the way. And first
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time I did it, I was in a valley and I just said, okay, I'll just be thankful for something
#Self-Help & Motivational
#Death & Tragedy