We’re lonelier than ever — and there’s one big reason

The world is experiencing a loneliness epidemic

How strange, because we have so many new ways to be in touch with the people that we love

We can move away and still see their faces. Why is it that we're actually getting lonelier

Well, the answer to that question is that the way that we stay in touch with each other is inadequate to what our brains and hearts need

Social media has changed the way that we pursue friendship. A lot of young people feel uncomfortable in real life

It doesn't feel right to see people in person. It might feel confrontational

It might feel like you have some sort of performance anxiety. More and more young people, they're comfortable talking to other people as long as this media. technologically

There's a neuropeptide in the human reign called oxytocin. That's the intensely pleasurable hormone

that links us to our kin, to our friends, to our loved ones, to our families

But you don't get it over Zoom screens and even less over social media

And so you'll be hungry, you'll be lonely, and so you'll binge even more on the social media

and it'll get worse and worse and worse. That's a lot of the reason that we have a loneliness epidemic

We trying to mediate our relationships with tools that don do a good job Oxytocin requires two things eye contact and touch

Those are exactly the two things that you don't get when your relationships are mediated by technology

So the best way that you can get oxytocin and thus the satisfaction that you need from your relationships has to be somebody who's a real person with you

Touch their hand, look them in the eye. your brain needs it, your brain craves it, that's your brain is evolved

Real life is awesome, but you've got to experience it. You can't be distracted from it systematically by these technological methods

So a natural question that comes from all of this is what should we do with social media

Should we have a complete ban on it in our lives? Should we make it impossible for our kids to use

The answer to that is not necessarily. Here's the iron rule. If something is a substitute for in real life relationships, it's going to be bad for your happiness

If something is a compliment to it, it can be really productive and good

So how do you use social media? That's what really matters. Do you use social media to figure out where you're going to meet your friends and what they're up to so you can go see them

Great. But that doesn't take very long. You don't need six hours on Instagram to do that

What you need is a specific period of time that you dedicate to actually

catching up with the people in your life that you love