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here's a standup speech inspired by the
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observational style of a legendary
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comedian focusing on the quirks and
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realities of owning a bernes mountain
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dock ladies and Gentlemen let's talk
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about bernes Mountain docks you know
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those fluffy Giants that look like they
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just stepped out of a petting zoo in
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Switzerland they're adorable they're
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cuddly and they have more personality
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than most of the people I know but if
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you're a proud owner of one of these
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magnificent beasts there are some things
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you must never forget one they're not
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just big dogs they're big babies
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seriously if you think you've adopted a
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loyal companion think again you brought
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home a furry toddler who thinks the
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world revolves around them forget about
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personal space you'll be sharing your
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bed with a dog that believes it's their
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divine right to sleep diagonally two
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grooming is not optional it's a
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lifestyle those luscious coats they shed
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like it's their job you'll find dog hair
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in places you didn't even know existed
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your vacuum cleaner will become your
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best friend and lint rollers will be
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your new currency if you're not prepared
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to embrace the fur life you might as
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well get a gold fish three exercise oh
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they think it's a buffet burners need
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their exercise but they don't understand
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the concept of Just a Walk no no they
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want to hike run and Frolic like they're
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auditioning for the K9 Olympics and if
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you think you can get away with a quick
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stroll around the block think again
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you'll be dragged into the nearest park
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where they can socialize with every
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squirrel and leaf four food is sacred
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these dogs have an appetite that Rivals
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a teenage boys you'll need to master the
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art of pors control because if you don't
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you'll end up with a dog that resembles
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a small bear rather than a mountain dog
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and don't even think about giving them
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table scraps they'll have you wrapped
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around their paw in no time five they
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are expert negotiators ever tried saying
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no to those big brown eyes it's like
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trying to resist chocolate cake on your
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birthday they'll give you that look that
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says come on just one more treat won't
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hurt spoiler alert it will hurt your
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wallet six training is essential but
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also optional for them you may have read
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all the books on obedience training but
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let me tell you bernes mountain dogs
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have their own agenda they'll sit when
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they feel like it and come when it suits
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them if at all just remember patience is
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key and maybe some bribery with treats
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seven socialization is crucial these
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dogs love people Everyone is their
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friend until proven otherwise if you
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don't socialize them properly they might
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treat every delivery person as an
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intruder or every neighbor as an old pal
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who needs a slobbery kiss eight they are
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natural comedians ever seeing one try to
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fit into a small dog bed it's like
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watching a giraffe attempt to hide in a
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bush their clumsiness is endearing but
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also slightly concerning when they take
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out half your furniture in the process
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nine health concerns are real
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unfortunately these Beauties come with
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some health issues that can be as heavy
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as their hearts hip dysplasia bloat the
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list goes on so regular vet visits
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aren't just recommended they're
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mandatory if you want to keep your furry
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friend around for years to come 10 they
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require constant companionship leave
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them alone for too long you might return
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home to find your house has been
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redecorated buy them shoes chewed up
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check couch cushions rearranged double
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check these dogs thrive on attention and
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love to be part of every family activity
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11 they are sensitive Souls burners have
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feelings too yelling at them will only
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lead to sad puppy eyes and guilt trips
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that would put your mother's disapproval
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to shame speak softly and carry treats
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that's the Golden Rule 12 love them
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fiercely at the end of the day despite
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all their quirks and Antics these dogs
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are loyal companions who will love you
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unconditionally their goofy nature will
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make every moment spent together
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worthwhile even if it means cleaning up
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fur for eternity so there you have it 12
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things Al Beres mountain dog owners must
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never forget embrace the chaos enjoy the
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cuddles and remember life is better with
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a fluffy giant by your side this speech
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captures the humor and observational
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style reminiscent of classic standup
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comedy while celebrating the unique
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traits of bernes mountain dogs without
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using any inappropriate language or
