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You obviously want your relationship to succeed having given it a second chance, but how do you make sure that happens? How can second chance relationship work? Where is the guarantee that a second chance can work? Well, you are in luck. I can give you these 8 pieces of advice that will show you that a second chance can work and will work for you too!
Talk to a trained and experienced relationship counsellor - either by yourself or as a couple - to figure out what to do about your relationship, one way or another.
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Eight pieces of advice to help a second chance relationship succeed
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So you want to give your partner a second chance. You want to rekindle the relationship you have with them
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And this time you want it to work. You want it to be better, healthier, more robust
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How do you go about fixing something that was clearly broken enough for it to end in the breakup
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Hi, I'm Jessica from a conscious rethink. Today I'm going to try and help you make the second chance relationship a success
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Be sure it's what you want
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First off, you have to be committed to this relationship to last this time round
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Sure, you may have some doubts or fears about it. That's perfectly normal, but you need to want it to want it to want it to
0:59
work out. But indeed, that's a given, right? Not necessarily. Maybe it's not even you who pushed
1:06
to give it a second chance. Perhaps you just buckled under the pressure from your partner to give
1:10
things another go. You were ready to end the relationship, but they kept saying that things would be
1:15
different this time around. They would change. And whether or not you truly believe that, you have
1:20
caved in and agreed to stick it. Or maybe you are considering giving them a second chance rather
1:25
than face the prospects of being single. A breakup isn't always fine. A breakup isn't always fine
1:29
But it can certainly feel that way at the time and you just don't want to push yourself through the pain
1:34
Then there are situations involving children or marriage or simply a long history between you
1:40
Untangling lives so closely woven together can be a challenge that you might not be ready to deal with right now
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The thing is though you should if your heart isn't in it for real the relationship is doomed from the outset and you are both better off going different ways
1:54
Communicate communicate communicate okay so good communication is vital any relationship but it's absolutely critical in second chance relationships. Something
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went wrong the first time around and the best way to work through whatever this was
2:08
is to talk to each other and I'm not talking about one on two extensive conversations
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I talking about regular and honest talks about how you feel I talking about everyday moments of sharing your inner thoughts and emotions but hey maybe you aren that great of communication with one another in which case learn and practice
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If you can't discuss your feelings or any other issues that may arise
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nothing will ever get resolved. The more these things are left unattended
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the more ill feelings or even worse, resentment will grow again and the greater the chance of another relationship breakdown
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And if you feel like it is beyond you, consider asking for help. Regular sessions with relationship counsellor for the first several months
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just to ensure that grievances are being arraired and problems are being addressed
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could work like magic. If this is something you need, there are a few handy links to some of our recommended services in the description below
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You'd be amazed at how much this can help. Identify unhealthy relationship patterns and take steps to avoid them
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Do you give your partner a silent treatment whenever they upset you? Do they get angry or frustrated if you
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you don't give them enough alone time. Consider your relationship so far
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Look for recurring situations where something caused either of you to become upset
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It's essential to know the triggers of unease and conflict between the two of you so you can
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find ways to avoid them. Suppose your partner has previously put his friends and hobbies before quality time with you
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In that case, one of the conditions of giving them a second chance might be several dedicated
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evenings or weekends where you spend time just the two of you
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or if you are sometimes prone to micromanaging your partner, you need to sit down with them
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before they lose patience with you. This comes down to identifying each other's pain points
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Once you know what they are, you can try harder to avoid them and prevent hurting each other
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Address issues that haven't yet been resolved. It's possible there were significant issues in your relationship that ultimately pushed it to the brink
4:12
Whatever those things are, they will cast a shadow over any attempts to try again unless they are addressed
4:17
and resolved. What might these issues be, you ask? It could be that there was a lack of trust
4:23
between you. Maybe you failed to maintain each other's trust and betrayed each other in one way or
4:28
another. Maybe the physical intimacy completely disappeared from your relationship for some reason
4:33
and you moved into a friend zone. Perhaps one of you let your depression go and untreated rather
4:39
than facing the truth and seeking help Whatever it is you need to work to put these issues to bed or at least find a way better still with them Set healthy boundaries Perhaps you already had some boundaries
4:53
in your relationship. It might have been that a red line was crossed that led to things getting
4:57
so bad in the first place. Either way, it's time to reassess those boundaries and set some new ones
5:03
as necessary. You have to set them and communicate them clearly so that each of you know what is and what is not
5:09
acceptable. This could mean being completely transparent about what you are spending money on
5:15
where resources are pulled together and where there are elements of hitting spending previously
5:20
It might mean what you are and aren't allowed to discuss with other people regarding the relationship
5:25
Perhaps you don't want your private affairs shared with friends and family. Maybe you want to
5:30
strict limit to how much time your partner expects you to spend their time with parents
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Regular visits are one thing. Having them turn up for a tea every other day, maybe I
5:39
asking too much. Whatever boundaries you feel you need to set for the relationship to exceed
5:44
the second time around. Make it clear what those boundaries are so that there isn't any confusion
5:52
Don't keep bringing up the past. Well a second chance does not mean forgetting everything
5:57
that came before. It should mean not raising past aches and actions repeatedly. Stop digging up the
6:03
corpse and raising them to our sins. We all have closets full of them and none of us should ever throw them
6:08
of first stone. If either of you holds the past over the other's head, it will only lead to resentment
6:14
and conflict. You don't need to forgive all that may have done straight away, but you should not
6:20
weaponise the past to gain leverage over your partner. You can still feel those feelings and work
6:25
on them over time. They may still influence how you react to something your partner does
6:30
but that's very different from explicitly digging up old skeletons to horn with them with
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This is another area where relationship counselling can really help. You may feel the need to discuss these past hurts, but it's far better to do so with the help of a neutral third party
6:45
Sometimes we are naturally guarded or defensive when facing loved ones. This is where an impartial specialist could help you
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If you would like to consider this, please check out our recommended services
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The links are in the description below. Put in the effort. There no getting around the fact that a second chance relationship will require a lot of work and effort from both of you It not easy to hit the reset button and try to start over again
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You will need to try and be conscious as you can when it comes to your behaviour, thoughts, processes and interactions with one another
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If you don't put in the effort, you will almost certainly slip back into an unhealthy pattern of the past
7:27
And you already know where that road may lead. effort can come in many different forms communication spending time together re-learning the likes and dislikes of the other person showing each other love and affection these are the sorts of things that you need to work hard on to create a healthy and harmonious relationship you both want be patient with one another change does not happen overnight and change is not what you need if you want it to work out this time i know it may be challenging but you must be
8:00
try to show each other the patients you both need to adapt to the new realities of your relationship
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You will both slip up and not just once, multiple times. You may cross each other's boundaries, fall back into old habits
8:12
or simply upset each other over and over again. But if you both want this relationship to work, you'll have to cut each other some slack
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Now that doesn't mean you keep letting things fly forever. The other person must show signs of change
8:24
even if they take one step back for every two they bring forward. Patients will help maintain
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harmony as you slowly make forward progress you want to make. And that's all from me today
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Thank you guys for allowing me to answer some of these difficult questions with you. I hope you enjoyed this episode and learned something too
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If there is anything you would like to comment on or simply share your own views and experiences
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write it down in the comments. I would love to read about it. If you are subscribed, press the like button and make sure to press the bell so that YouTube
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and want us to continue and I'll see you all in the next one. Bye