0:00
I partied and drank throughout my whole pregnancy and so what
0:03
My stomach was completely flat. I had no idea a baby was growing inside of me
0:10
And I found out four weeks before I gave birth. I had to Google how to be a mum
0:15
Like, I was so unprepared. To be honest, I didn't even want to have kids
0:19
Do you hate being a mum? Yes, I hate being a mum. You don't want mummy to go out
0:24
Well, now she's having a tantrum. Like, it's like, I can't win
0:28
But don't you think you should be staying home a little bit more, not partying? It's time to get ready
0:34
It's time for school, Bubbles. It's time for school. Hi, my name is Tawana. I'm 24 years old
0:41
I have one baby. Oh, my God. Saying that out loud is crazy
0:46
This is River. This is my two-year-old daughter. River, say hi. Having a baby, it's definitely like survival mode
0:56
Look, she's running away. Come, Bubbles, Bubbles, let's get ready for school. I'll give you chocolate
1:00
If you want, we'll go soft play. Do you want to go soft play? This is like the hard bit about motherhood
1:06
Do you always listen to mummy? That says it all for you
1:10
My relationship with River is more friendship-based compared to other parents. I feel like there's a lot of things that I would allow River to do
1:17
that per se other parents wouldn't. Her getting her nails done or pink hair or, you know, anything
1:24
I'm just more chilled and laid back. I think she thinks that I'm her sister
1:29
Come, come, Bubbles. Wait, stand up, stand up. She has a mind of her own, and it's like, what do you do
1:35
Like, there's no, like, motherly, like, stop it. Like, I'm not that parent
1:39
What I went through will always make me feel detached as a mum
1:43
because I love River with all my heart, but I just resented the fact that my life changed
1:49
and I never had a choice. Hey. Hi. How are you? I'm about to make breakfast, bro
1:54
Hi, Riri. How are you, baby? Hi, Molly. This girl's not listening to anyone
2:00
She never listens. Should we make some Sera Vita? Yeah? Are you going to help me cook it
2:06
OK, come. I had a cryptic pregnancy. Some women can, like, not show
2:12
Like, for me, I did not have the whole belly. I didn have the cravings I didn gain the weight I didn believe it when she had a baby Like when you first told me I couldn believe it Do you remember how small my stomach was Bro it was flat
2:27
Right here. That was, you was in there, in my stomach. Eight months. Flat
2:34
Where were you hiding? The day that I found out I was pregnant
2:39
I woke up one day and I just felt like I was dying. Like, it was like I felt dizzy
2:44
I was hyperventilating, like the room was moving. The ambulance came, they took me in
2:50
And then the doctor was with a nurse. And she was like, oh, you know, I've seen this before
2:54
Let's do an ultrasound on her stomach. I lay down and I kid you not, the doctors just look at me like..
3:02
And I'm like, what's wrong? Like, how am I dying? And they're just silent
3:06
And then the doctor sits me up. He says, right, Tom and I, you're pregnant
3:11
The problem is you're going to give birth in roughly four or five weeks
3:16
They flip the screen and I see a fully formed baby with her hand in her mouth like this
3:24
And I said, Lord, no way. You now have a human inside of you that's about to come out
3:30
You have to decide whether or not you want to do an adoption or you're going to physically keep this baby
3:37
Like for two days, I was just crying. I was depressed. Nobody believed me at all
3:44
I thought it was a big prank. And I checked the time, it was February, January times
3:48
April food pools weren't there. Like, she didn't even believe me. She was like, you knew for a long time
3:52
should I keep it a secret? I said, no, I did not know
3:56
When I heard that she was going to give her up for adoption, I was like, don't do it
4:00
But at the same time, she was so traumatized. Like, she never wanted to be a mother
4:07
There was no preparation, no baby shower, Just literally about to pop
4:12
What can you do? Do you remember, I literally had to Google how to be a mum
4:15
because it just got to a point where I was just like, OK, I have to just accept this. But how do you become something that you've never wanted to become
4:24
I absolutely hate being a mum, but I love my child. I hate being a mum because I have to be responsible
4:32
If I want to go outside of the house, it's not like get up and go. It get myself ready get Ripper ready If I clean up the house it gonna be a mess in two seconds again I hate the fact that I can be selfish Every single thing that I do is for River
4:48
because of River. There's no sense of, OK, what about me? And what do I want to do
4:54
You know, if you weren't here, Mummy would be getting her body done. I'd be outside, girl
4:59
We'd be outside together. We'd be outside together. Look how she's punching me
5:04
Aw, River. My life before River was crazy. I was a party girl
5:11
It didn't matter whether it was Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. I wanted to drink, I wanted to be outside
5:17
I didn't care about anything. So I'm going to pick her outfit, because I'm going out later on tonight
5:22
Mummy was pregnant with you when she wore this. Do you think this is crazy
5:27
You don't think this is crazy? Do you like it? I was living my best life
5:33
And then I was pregnant while doing all of this, like, full-on pregnant and not knowing
5:38
I was drunk throughout my whole pregnancy. Like, I was literally drunk every single day
5:44
I don't know how I gave birth to a normal child. Like, it actually, like, just blows my mind
5:50
I started to post my story online on pregnancy because I feel like everybody's always afraid to be judged
5:57
People online say the most ridiculous things. Like, let me even tell you what they say because it's actually crazy
6:02
To be honest, this sounds like a lie. How could you not know that you're pregnant a whole nine months without your period
6:08
You obviously knew. Well, I didn't know because I was on contraception
6:12
How do you have a period on contraception? I was on the IUD, which is like the arm implant
6:17
So I had that in my arm since I was like 16. So I just didn't have a period
6:22
People online are always trying to like suss me out and try to like accuse me like
6:26
how did you not know? If you don't believe me, okay. I hope it happens to you
6:31
Why are you so proud? This should be punishable by law. Neglecting a child's future life and mental health
6:39
They call me a bad mum for drinking throughout my whole pregnancy. And I don't deserve to even keep my daughter
6:45
Her life is fine and her mental health is perfect. If anything, it's better than a lot more other children's mental health
6:52
because she has a good relationship with her mum. On the other hand people still say some really nice stuff to me which I really appreciate They say stuff like wow you a strong mum People like you are the reason we need to stop the stigma Despite everything you been through
7:07
you're honestly doing the best job with River. You're an amazing mummer
7:12
I knew there were some people that were just not going to understand me, but the fact that there are people that are out there
7:18
that do understand me makes me so happy. Would you like to have more children in the future
7:23
I would definitely never want to have no more children in the future
7:27
I'm not a maternal person. Even though I'm a mum now, I'm still not maternal
7:31
So I don't have it in me to love two human beings equally
7:37
Guys, I'm going out. No. Bubba, I'm going. You don't want to stay with Noku
7:45
No, you want to stay with mummy. No. You don't want mummy to go out
7:50
No. Well, now she's having a tantrum. It's like I can't win
7:55
There's other people that are going out in their 20s. When I go on my phone, like, I'm getting depressed
7:59
because I'm just at home. I want to be happy so I can pour into her cup
8:04
How am I going to pour into her cup if I'm not happy? But don't you think you should be staying home a little bit more
8:09
not partying? No, because it's like... That's what I'm... I'm trying to do both
8:15
I am there for my child when she needs me. She has everything. She's fully fed
8:19
Do you think Mummy deserves a night off? No. No! No, Dad's not off
8:26
She said no, not right now. The best thing about being a mom, I'll tell you
8:31
is that I get to see her grow. We're your best friend
8:35
I'm your best friend? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Oh my goodness. I like that I get to see my personality through somebody else
8:43
and I can't even be mad. Like when she does something crazy and it's like, oh, okay, I would do that too
8:48
Like, I understand, you know? Your girl needs a break. Make sure she's showered and everything
