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McDonald's has a menagerie of characters who romp about in a magical burgery world called McDonaldland, and it's as weird as you barely remember. McDonald's began with only a clown, but as the brand expanded to new markets - and appealing to children became the name of the game - the company branched out with more characters than could fit in a McDonald's ball pit.
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Have you stopped lately and thought about your favorite fast food mascots
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Really thought about them? Was the Burger King once a Burger Prince
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Or did he inherit the title after marrying the Dairy Queen? Is Wendy a raggedy Ann doll trying to pass as a human
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And what is going on in the wacky world of McDonaldland? Today on Weird History Food, we're diving down the rabbit hole
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of the convoluted history of McDonald's McDonaldland characters. Smile and say, cheeseburger! Cheeseburger
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McDonaldland was the setting of a series of TV ads created by McDonald's and launched in 1971
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Designed to look like the fantasy world of a children's show, like Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood or H.R. Puffin Stuff
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More on that connection later. McDonaldland was intended to get very young kids hooked on delicious piles of hamburgers and french fries
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by introducing them to McDonald's menu items via a cast of rascally characters
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While many of these characters have long since been retired, you can still see remnants of them in older McDonald's restaurants and playplaces
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like the relics of a forgotten society. Meanwhile, other characters have remained in a relatively steady rotation ever since
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becoming almost as universally recognized as the Hamburger Clown himself. I should have known you'd have something like that up your sleeve
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Let's begin our deep dive into the mixed-ended universe with the Hamburglar
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Today's subject? The Hamburglar. The lovable bandit we know today as one of the many, many thieves in McDonaldland
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started out as the Lone Jogger. Who's that? That's the Lone Jogger
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He was portrayed as an old man with a long, pointy nose and gray hair
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Not exactly the kind of character that inspires repeat visits. In 1985, McDonald's marketing team took a page out of Charles Entertainment Cheese's handbook
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and rechristened Lone Jogger as Hamilton B. Ergler. This went a long way toward rehabbing his image from 70s serial killer to something more relatable to kids, like a thief
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The most notable change was the burglar's sudden ability to speak English instead of his signature catchphrase
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But 30 years later, we saw another makeover for the burglar, going from a cartoon burglar to a cool Danny Ocean type
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with a Macintosh jacket over his striped prison shirt and dangerous stubble
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Check out the Not My Hamburglar Twitter hashtag to see how well this went over with fans
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But Han B. Ergler wasn't the only thief in McDonald's League of Villains
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While we may think of Grimace as a short-armed, jovial, purple blob, Grimace used to be a
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four monstrosity angling to steal himself some milkshakes Yeah Grimace began as a low pilferer of dessert beverages But much like the Hamburglar over time he evolved into a reformed and repentant Rubble Rubbler
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How do you do it? What's your secret? The most interesting thing about Grimace
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is his extended family. Grimace has a mom, a dad, a grandmother named Winky
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and a great-great-grandmother, Jenny Grimace. He's also got two aunts, Millie and Tilly
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as well as an Uncle O'Grimacy, who delivers shamrock shakes every year on St. Patrick's Day
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maybe as restitution for his nephew's criminal past. That's a large family of purple blobs wandering around McDonaldland
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but that's not including Grimace's prodigal brother, King Gonga, who rules over the rest of the Grimaces
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Is it really any wonder that Grimace turned to a life of crime? His family has the extended backstory of The Sopranos
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I'm a coward, remember? Oh, we are not done with the criminal underbelly of McDonaldland
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Captain Crook appeared in the 1970s as an adult-sized human Muppet, which is as disturbing
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as it sounds. And since no two characters can ever be after the same menu item, Crook's M.O. was snaring
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the Filet-O-Fish sandwich and having that delicious tartar sauce all to himself
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It's like a window into his deranged criminal mind. Much like his extremely unpopular booty, Crook himself never got much love either
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And it's not hard to see why. He's an off-putting Captain Hook knockoff
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No kid wants that guy hanging around their McDonald's birthday party. Crook only got one redesign in the 80s before finally being retired and sent adrift
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on the sea of wherever former mascots go when they get discontinued
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With a final appearance in 1990s, The Adventures of Ronald McDonald, McTreasure Island
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we like to think Crook finally got his well-earned wish and now sleeps with the Filet-O-Fishes
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Keep your eyes on your fries was the campaign that introduced the largely forgotten Fry Kid
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kids, anthropomorphic pom-poms, who spoke gibberish and would steal your French fries
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before looking at you twice. Man, there is a real problem with food theft at McDonaldland
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In fact, the Fry Kids were originally named goblins. Because of the ravenous way, they attacked fried spuds
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There are millions and millions of goblins in the French fries hatch
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Honestly, there's a way better name. Fry Kids isn't even a pun. Just gave up on that one, McDonald's
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The squeaky little critters were initially called the Fry Guys, but the name was changed
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to the Fry Kids after the debut of Lady Fry, a Fry Kid with long eyelashes who was introduced in 1986
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And while they made a few appearances in commercials and Happy Meals, the Fry Kids were shelved by the following
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decade after a final appearance on the Wacky Adventures of Ronald McDonald
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Speaking of looking into McDonaldland rampant crime problem we present Officer Big Mac Officer Big Mac is by all appearances a human man with two all patties special sauce
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lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun for a head. Officer Big Mac is where the McDonald's lore
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starts to strain incredulity. Officer Big Mac is the chief of police in McDonaldland
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where he represents law and order, primarily by rounding up the Hamburglar
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every time he steals a new batch of delicious hamburgers. Hughes was caught red-handed sneaking off with a big bag full of McDonald's delicious cheeseburgers
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Which makes it personal for Officer Big Mac. Because if he's a fancy hamburger, that means the Hamburglar is abducting members of his family and eating them
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Are those his kids? Is this a McDonaldland version of the film Taken? McTaken with cheese
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Also, since Officer Big Mac has a hamburger dome but a standard human body
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does that mean the Hamburglar is running around with a sack of severed heads? My nephew is in that bag
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Whatever the case may be, it's hard to believe that Officer Big Mac could be an impartial detective when the crimes of the Hamburglar hit so close to home
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Big Mac had a good following in the 1970s and early 1980s, but was dropped from the McDonaldland lineup when the characters received a redesign in 1985
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He can still be found in some McDonald's playlands where future hamburger criminals can roleplay by entering a crow's nest style prison located inside Officer Big Mac's head
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That's some weird symbolism. On the subject of sentient cheeseburgers, Mayor McCheese is a seemingly elder cheeseburger who
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has been in charge of McDonaldland since his debut in 1971. If ever there was a case for term
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limits, this is it. He's got to smell pretty bad by now. He sports a jaunty hat and an impressive
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sash and is portrayed as charmingly befuddled. I'm not a cheeseburger. I'm Mayor McCheese
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you know. He also has clear ties to Officer Big Mac. The whole thing stinks of nepotism
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Outside of his cameo appearance in the 1998 animated miniseries The Wacky Adventures of
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Ronald McDonald, Mayor McCheese hasn't been seen in a commercial in almost 40 years
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Elections in McDonaldland can be rough. Depending on when you were born, you may have noticed that Mayor McCheese looks an awful
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lot like H.R. Puffin Stuff, the punishingly creepy life-sized puppet star of a children's
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show created by iconic television producers Sid and Marty Croft. It turns out that several of the characters in McDonaldland were actually plagiarized
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from the show. Huh, no wonder there's so many thieves in McDonaldland. McDonald's and the Crofts had originally planned
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to work together on a campaign involving the HR Puffin Stuff characters. The fast food franchise hired an advertising agency
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to work out a concept. And that's when things went fry ways. The Crofts were told the deal had fallen through
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But in fact, the ad agency dropped them as a client, hired their former employees to build costumes and sets and put them to work on the McDonald project which eventually became McDonaldland McDonald found themselves in a big heap of trouble trouble
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Order! Order in the court! When they lost both the lawsuit and its appeal
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and were ordered to pay over a million dollars in damages. Now, let's all adjourn to McDonald's for cheeseburgers
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After that, McDonald's redesigned several of its characters to be more legally distinct
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And some other characters, like Mayor McCheese, were tossed into the dumpster
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You'd be hard-pressed to find someone on the entire planet of Earth who doesn't know Ronald McDonald
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McDonald's flagship creepy hero clown mascot and the unofficial star of the 1988 children's film Mac and Me
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predates the creation of McDonaldland by several years, having made his first official appearance in a series of ads in 1963
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portrayed by famed TV weatherman Willard Scott. Isn't that McDonald's hamburger delicious
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But the character got a bit of a makeover for McDonaldland, which included saddling him with a shocking number of enemies
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especially for a guy who had the whole town named after him. But when the Croft lawsuit hit
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McDonald's marketing team had to come up with some new ideas, preferably ones that weren't borrowed from somewhere else
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So the decision was made to rehabilitate some of the villainous McDonaldland characters
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By the 1980s, Grimace, Hamburglar, and Captain Crook had reformed to become the heroes of McDonald's
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And according to official McDonaldland canon, Ronald McDonald was the steady hand of influence
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who showed the criminals the error of their ways and inspired them to turn it all around
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Although a hamburglar still dresses like a burglar. Hey, if you find a style that works
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In 1980, the McDonaldland crew sorely lacked a female presence. Coincidentally, McDonald's was asking itself
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how do we show off our new breakfast menu? Luckily, the fast food conglomerate found a way
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to hit two birds with one egg and introduced the world to Bertie
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In her debut commercial, Bertie fell from the sky one evening while still partially trapped in her shell
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Ronald and his newfound criminal friends protectively gathered around Bertie and guarded her all evening until she hatched
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and decided to make McDonaldland her new home. Though it's unclear what they were protecting her from
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considering McDonaldland had recently expunged its criminal element. Maybe hungry McDonald's customers
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And while Bertie didn't steal anyone's food, the implications of her existence are much darker
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than the motivations of a mere fry snatcher. As we mentioned, Bertie was created to promote the breakfast menu at McDonald's
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And having breakfast at McDonald's when we're done. And what is a McMuffin except a vehicle to transfer eggs into your mouth
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It's like Mayor McCheese holding public office in a town of people who eat hamburgers
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One time around the world and back, and the winner gets a delicious McDonald's cheeseburger, don't you know
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It is best not to dwell on these things