I learned a truth about my wife’s PAST… it ruined our marriage! - r/okstorytime | Reddit Stories

I learned a truth about my wife's past, and it ruined our marriage

No! You should have lied. I am a 27-year-old male, and my wife Addison is 26

We started dating six years ago, married for four years, and have two children together

a four-year-old daughter, and a three-year-old son. By the way, this comes from MoistBookkeeper7565

And if you want to submit your own stories, go to r slash okstorytime subreddit. So our relationship has always been great

But we have a special. We have a serious connection on many levels

I honestly feel like it's meaningful and filled with love and adoration for each other

My friends and family love her and her friends and family love me

So cute. We all get along and have a great time together to the point where we went on vacation with

her friends. And when we started our family, her friends made sure to continue being close with us

even including our kids. This means a lot to me because I know having children can sometimes strain friendships

I personally know of people who have children and their friends distance themselves from them

But luckily, that wasn't the case for us. Our relationship has always been strong. We have great communication chemistry

Everything is perfect. For now. When our children were born, I took off work and stayed home making sure that, aside from

I took care of our children, not letting her lift a finger so she could focus on healing

and adjusting to motherhood. She has thanked me for everything I've done during and after both pregnancies, telling everyone how lucky she is and that I am a great father again

Nothing could go wrong. I never hesitate to brag about how wonderful a mother she is and how I'm lucky to be her husband

I say all of this to show just how happy and loving our relationship is

About three months into dating, we were hanging out with her friends, Ethan, Brian, and Sarah, when we decided to play Never Have I Ever

Long story short, I ended up finding out she had been in a menage

She was friends with a girl named Brittany who was in an open relationship with a guy named Sam

I guess at some point, they had arranged to have. The couples had a small get-together and invited Addison, Ethan, Brian, and Sarah

At some point in the night, she ended up having the menage with Sam, Brittany, while Ethan, Brian, and Sarah were in the living room

They all ended up crashing at Brittany's and Sam's place, leaving the next morning

And honestly, I found it a little weird that she invited her friends to have that little group adventure

When I asked why she invited them to go with her, she said she didn't want to be alone

Other than that, it didn't bother me. Everybody has a past, and I knew she had previous relationships before me, so it wasn't a big deal at the time

Okay, okay. Yeah, I feel like this is not a problem right now, as long as it wasn't overlapping with the..

Yeah, yeah. Hey, everyone may have had a while. Everyone has a past. Everyone has a past

That's not them now. That's not them now. Someone could do that and settle down

It's true. You could do a lot before settling down. You could pare a lot before settling down. And Sophia, to answer your question

you're like, how did they just do that? It's like, it's never have I ever. It's probably never have I ever had a, you know

I honestly didn't think anything of it after that night, completely forgetting about it altogether over the years

Well, two weeks ago, my wife and her friends were all drinking, hanging out together when Brian wastedly brought up the fact that he saw Sam the other day

He made a comment about how he would have found it awkward to sleep with somebody in an open relationship, which caught me off guard because I knew about the years ago

However, he implied she hooked up with him outside of the menage

Later that night when we were alone, I asked her what exactly Brian meant by that

And she ended up telling me that after the Minaj she continued to sleep with just Sam multiple times She said she couldn stand talking to him to the point where she wanted to hit him on multiple occasions

She said she didn't like him as a person. She would just go to his house, sleep with him, and leave afterward

It was purely some booty calling. I asked her when the last time she slept with him was

and she told me it was about two weeks before she met me

So no overlap. Okay, I'm not understanding the problem. I mean, I think if there is a problem here

the problem is that she didn't tell him that she's still friends with this guy but yeah yeah

which i think honestly is not cool it's not cool like it's not terrible but it's also like uh and

yeah i mean they're hanging out with sam right i'm surprised that it which is maybe why it's not

like op is maybe kind of shocked by this news if this is all it is this is not at all marriage

ruining things i don't know if it's marriage ruining but i'm like why didn't she say yeah

There would be a little bit of trust that you would have to, you know, work back

Yeah. She explained that she was at a point in her life where she didn't care about herself or what happened to her

And that after we started dating, she cut all contact with him. She has only been with me since

I do believe her, but ever since she told me this, I can't see her the same. I understand everyone has a spicy sleep past

And I've had my fair share of relationships. But she's had other relationships before me

But knowing my wife was just some guy's booty call and she was okay being used by someone like a piece of meat has really affected how I view her in our relationship

I'm not upset that she slept with people before me, but those were relationships where she had some kind of connection or feelings involved

This was a situation where she was sleeping with someone that she admitted she couldn't tolerate

It was just about the physical act. Knowing she gave herself to someone, offering herself to him on a platter

That's so weird. I hate purity culture. Makes me question our marriage and entire relationship up to this point

Our entire relationship, we have always been very flirtatious and spicy sleepily with each other and physically affectionate

We would sleep together five times a week. And when she would bend over, I would playfully smack her booty

What is this story? Or if I was standing behind her, she would lightly push her booty up against me and give me a wink, among other things

Where do you think she learned those things, my guy? But after finding out about this, we have completely stopped sleeping together

And the flirting and physical affection are non-existent. I mean, it seems like on your... On your end

Seems like it's on your end. This is so dumb. This may be an OK Storytime community member, I think

OP, our brother in OK Storytime Christ. This is something that you need to work through

This is something you need to work through. This is not your wife's problem. The burden is put on the women

You know, maybe you grew up in a religious family and you're trying to get past that religious trauma

And you know what? Here at OK Storytime, we're here to help. We're here to help. And I want you to go to therapy

And that's how we're here to help. We're saying go to therapy. Go to therapy because- We're here to help you get help

This is not an appropriate reaction to have towards your wife. No

Who has been in a committed relationship with you for years without any infidelity

Yep. These were relationships that she had prior to your relationship. She's an adult woman who had consensual relationships regardless of how she felt about the person

And therefore, it is not your right to judge her for these relationships

At this point, we even shower separately. She has tried to do things that we've always done in a relationship

But I told her, I'm not comfortable with doing those things anymore. And I need time to think

I shouldn't make him sound like that. We still watch movies with our children every night before we put them to bed

And we have made sure to continue having family time. But we gone from being in an affectionate adult relationship to being best friends who have children together I don know if I be able to go back to how it was before I haven brought it up but I had lots of divorce I love her more than anything

She's a great mother to my children and an amazing woman. I don't want to break our perfect little family apart

but knowing she was able to freely give herself to someone makes me feel like what we have isn't as special as I thought it was

that our connection feels meaningless now. She told me that I am special and that I do mean something to her

but I don't believe her and I'm not sure what to do or how to get over this and accept it

I don't want a divorce but if I'm unable to move past this, that's exactly where we are headed

For anyone asking, no, I have not met Sam or Brittany. Those are the people that she had the f*** with

She stopped being friends with them right before she met me for reasons I'm not aware of

Sam and Brittany are still together. Also, one thing that doesn't make sense to me is that she invited her friends to go with her

because she didn't want to be alone. What if she really didn't care about herself

or what happened to her at the time? Why was she worried about being alone? By the way, you can listen to full episodes with stories just like this

Go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast app, and search OK Story Time

There's more to this story, and we're going to dive right into it

But oh my god. It seems like you might be from a religious background, and I think that you need to work

through, again, the feelings that your wife is somehow lesser for having a spicy sleep background

Or your relationship is lesser. I think that you have to realize that many different people have many different relationships with spicy sleep and that does not discredit a romantic relationship regardless of their past

For example, like a lot of people view spicy sleep as something that can only happen in marriage or something that can only happen with a committed partner that they have romantic feelings for

And some people think separate spicy sleep as an act from romance

and none of those are any less valid or make a relationship any less valid

as long as there is no infidelity. But we got more to this story

She's bi. I've known this since first meeting her and anyone wondering

yes, it would still make me feel the same if she did this with another woman. The gender of the person

doesn't change my feelings about it. The biggest issue is how is what we have special

if she's just going to give herself to someone like it was nothing? Please don't attack my wife

Everyone has their own personal views and beliefs about this type of thing

I'm just really needing non-biased advice on how I can fix this and save my marriage

If you are uncertain about, is this special? I mean, look at the life that you guys created together

She's children with you. She's only being with you. She dropped these other people to be with you

She has stayed faithful to you. If that isn't something that makes you feel like she's choosing you, I'm not sure what

her past has anything to do with it. She's choosing you now. But we got comments

Wow. This is a lot. The issue I have is that she didn't owe you her spicy sleep history unless it came with her having kids with someone else before you or if she had an SDI she could expose you to

You act like she no longer is the same woman you love because you know she had casual spicy sleep with someone before you met

Or like she has no value or morals as a person because she was at a low point in her life and had low self-esteem before she met you

It's probably why she even gave someone as immature as you a chance with her. The statement that you can't believe your wife just gave herself to some guy shows that you feel some ownership over her or you feel her behavior reflects poorly on you

This just seems like it's all about your ego. The whole reaction you're having is pretty crappy

You're pulling away from her because you have new information about her spicy sleep past that was really none of your business

Do you hear how this sounds? Did you tell her about every woman you dated or had spicy sleep with or why when you met her Why does it matter anyway The only thing that is your business or matters at all is anything that happened after you two were together You have kids with her bro

You say your marriage was great before this. So either go to marriage counselor or deal with your feelings and work it out with her or get over it

This is your problem. Get your head out of your butt. Think about how your immature behavior is affecting your kids and wife

Seek help for your full tunnel vision and pray your wife forgives you for the alienation of affection

which is a legal term and a good reason for a divorce. She doesn't need to apologize for something she did before she met you

and you have no right to judge her for her past. I mean, you're acting like she was a streetwalker who serviced hundreds

This is the mother of your kids. You're just supposed to love and support her. Get over yourself and grow the F up

Just get back to looking to the future and forget the past

The one thing I would say is like, oh, you're not entitled to someone's spicy sleep history

I think like you should be open and forthright with your past to people so nothing comes as a surprise

There's just one thing I disagree. It's like, oh, you don't owe your partner your spicy sleep history

I would say like if it comes up be honest and forthright, but we got a little bit more to this story

You're supposed to love her and support her get over yourself and grow the f up Just get back to looking into the future and forget the past. It really doesn't matter

What matters is being a good father and husband to your family She has been a good wife to you based on your account, and you are so in the wrong for your behavior towards her

Start groveling if you want to save this marriage. We do have a reply from OP

I don't expect an apology from her, and I don't expect her to feel bad or remorseful for what she has done in her past

That's her business and something she has to live with. However, she may do so

I never asked her about her past. The only question I asked was why bring your friends after she already told me what happened

And it's not an ego thing because I know she's had partners in the past. And if I had my fair share, though, I may not have worded it correctly

But when I said she gave herself to someone, it's not because I feel ownership over it

It's because she didn't love herself enough to respect herself enough, whatever it may be, to not give herself to someone she admits to not being able to tolerate

If it was the same situation, but she would have had some friendship with him or at least someone she was able to tolerate, I wouldn't be upset about it

It has nothing to do with spicy sleep itself. So it sounds like it's like I'm mad. my wife had low self-esteem

Yeah. And also, I mean, someone earlier said, he's totally disregarding that she said

that she was in a not great... Really bad, yeah. But also, I don't even think that

like, it obviously matters, but I don't think it matters in terms of

whether or not she was sleeping with someone she didn't really like. If I heard my partner was like

I had a real low point, my reaction would be like, let me make sure that you feel so good in yourself

that that never happens again. And his reaction is the opposite. It's a fact that if she can have

meaningless spicy sleep with someone she doesn't even like, then what does that make me

How do I know a relationship means anything? Miss your husband. Because you've been with her for years

and you have children. I want to pull my hair out. The spicy sleep itself isn't the issue. It is

Not being able to at least find someone you could hold a conversation with. That is the issue

Everyone has their own opinions on spicy sleep activity. And I personally don't think

having spicy sleep with people is a problem. but just meaningless spicy sleep with people you don't even like strikes me the wrong way

But thanks for insulting me and trying to belittle me because you have a different opinion. I wanted actual advice to help me learn and grow

I told her every single person I've been with before her because a person's spicy sleep past

does in fact affect their ability to manage relationships. There are studies and statistics that back it up

Facts are facts as far as that goes. And I do love her now and I still am thankful that she's the amazing mother she's always been

But I knew this when I first met her. I never would have dated her. But it's too late now because I fell in love before finding all this out

And that's where this story ends