My sister-in-law tried to FOOL me for her wedding… so I’m not attending anymore! - r/relationships | Reddit Stories

My sister-in-law tried to fool me for her wedding, so I am not attending anymore

You go, girl. I don't know how to handle a situation I'm in

I also apologize in advance for the long wall of text. It's a complicated situation

My husband's sister is somewhat estranged from the family, and her name is Amanda

She doesn't have any girlfriends. By the way, this comes from user Snubbed, and if you want to submit your own stories

go to the r slash ok storytime subreddit. Do it there. So, she is very close to her mom and her brother's girlfriend, but not really to the rest of her family

In fact, she only really comes around when she needs something, or when she knows that you can be of use

Otherwise, she rarely attends functions and never talks, writes, or calls, and never otherwise actively engages with or supports the family

Most of this is stuff I've been too naive to notice until now. And as the new in-law, I've been eager to make sure I'm on everyone's good side at any rate

Recently, Amanda and I began forming a bond, and I genuinely felt like I could call her a very close friend

She and her fiancé are getting married this May. It's just a ceremony as he is an illegal immigrant right now, and they do have a child together

When she had the baby, my husband and I were the only ones of her siblings that she allowed to visit while in the hospital

I've taken baby photos for her. I've helped her with so much. We really had a good friendship going

Anyways, she is incredibly thrifty, so she's trying to make this wedding happen as inexpensively as possible

I am a professional photographer, so she asked me why we charge so much for weddings

I explained to her all of what goes into it, and she was like, I don't want to have to pay for just a few photos

In my naivete, I shrugged it off, but I feel this is pertinent because it comes into play later

She already had bought a dress for $100 to $200 at a thrift shop, which that's not thrifty

but was unhappy about it. So she took me and her maid of honor, Sally

her brother's girlfriend, to go dress shopping with her. Until this point, she only wanted Sally to be in her wedding

which I was fine with. When trying on dresses, she also asked me to be her bridesmaid

Okay, so she's recruiting now? She just recruited. You just got recruited. Because I knew she was in the heat of the moment

I purposefully did not partake when she asked Sally to try on a bridesmaid dress

I simply and happily sat back and enjoyed being on the other side

of wedding dress shopping. A few days later, I asked her if she really meant it when she asked me to be her bridesmaid

Very excitedly, she said something along the lines of, Oh, yes, of course. I wouldn't dream of getting married without both of you up there with me

So I was excited. Game on, man. I like that. I like that she kind of took a step back, asked her if it wasn't in the heat of the moment, and then went for it

Gave her the time to process. You sounded like that one character from a regular show

I can't think of his name right now. Pops? Pops, thank you. Me? Me

Woo-hoo. Oh, him. Yes. Him. Him. About a month later she approached me at one of the family dinners and said that she regretted asking me to be a bridesmaid because she wanted me to be her photographer instead Oh so she went back on that So are we still going to be

She did a double 180. She said, photographer. Just kidding. Bridesmaid. No, I want you as my photographer

Okay. I think my feelings were hurt that she was so insistent on me being her bridesmaid

But whatever, I was happy that she still wanted me to be involved. I asked her what kind of budget she was thinking about

She looked incredibly puzzled and said, oh, I didn't realize I need a budget for you to do this

I let her know that while I wouldn't charge her a full price, I'd still need to cover my bare minimum

Gas, getting there, a little bit of equipment, some time maybe? Are we putting time in there

Pay your friends to do jobs that they do. Yeah. She said that this was okay and she would be fine with that

She mentioned she was hoping not to have to pay more than $500. Those are tight numbers, less than a quarter of what is typically charged in my area, but I could make it work for family

I again confirmed with her, and she said she wanted me to do it no matter what

I told her I'd send her a contract just to cover my bases, and she nodded happily

So I went home, pulled the contract for her, and sent it her way a month or so ago

She said she'd read it over, sign it, and return it with her deposit in a few days. Well, a few days ago, she finally wrote back

She and her fiancé decided that they did not want me to take their photos after all

I was incredibly puzzled by this. And about an hour later, Sally called and said that my mother-in-law, Amanda's mom

told Amanda after she met with me that she shouldn't have to pay me to be her photographer at all

And that I should just take photos and send them to her without doing anything else if I was so worried about costs

So, Amanda was hoping that by doing this, I'd just bring my camera anyway and she could still get her pictures

Sally apologized because she knew about this and didn't say anything. I again told her that there was no need to apologize and that all is well

My mother-in-law is a meddler. This is not news. I never know when she's going to strike

But the fact that she told Amanda these things doesn't surprise me. Though it does frustrate me

But all is not well. I mean, seriously, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice

I'm to the point where my feelings are hurt. If it were just some person, it wouldn't bother me

People back out. It happens. But to be snubbed twice by my husband's sister really hurts me to my core

This is where I started realizing what kind of person she truly is. I know this is a heat of the moment, emotion situation, but I no longer want to attend her wedding

I talk to my husband about it, and of course, it's his sister, and of course, I will go with him

My equipment will not be making the trek with me to her wedding no matter what. I'm also done agreeing to do things for her because I'm not having her back out on me yet again

Am I right for a feeling this way? What should I do? I have yet to respond to Amanda's email

Saying she doesn't want me to photograph And there is an update Yeah Honestly

I agree with what you're doing here I think I think still go

Because it's like It's your husband's sister Yeah Because it'd be weird But like Not in the capacity Don go in the capacity as a photographer Don play that at all I think I would be more offended by like dude I trying to this is like what I do professionally I a professional photographer

I'm offering to give you essentially, at cost, the bare minimum what I can charge

for an entire wedding photograph. When people have, this is an art

a skill set that you need, regardless if they're your friend or family, you should pay them

Oh yeah. John, you've been dancing a lot. I'm going to give you a live demonstration and you're going to see it too

Show me those here. Oh, damn. That is a good move. But you know what is also an amazing move

What is that, Sam? Becoming an OK Storytime member. Yeah, that's freaking right

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Well, let's get back to the story. So the last post drew quite a bit of criticism and an equal backing of support

I was kind of surprised at how many people posted in general. I was also surprised to see how many people outside my industry were criticizing not only my posts

but those who were sympathetic to me and my industry. The point is, my photography business is my own, and I have valid reasons

I know a lot of people don't really understand all of the work behind what photographers do

and that's fine to each their own. anyway. I sent her a message and graciously

let her know that I understand and we would be there to support her regardless

Everything was going great. She found a high school student who is new to photography

and is willing to shoot for free, which is fine. That's not

something I'd do personally or something Riley would do. Not smart, no. Okay

It's like getting a nice complicated tattoo from an apprentice who's never done one before

Yeah. Like, thanks. I'm getting my credentials right now and, uh, thanks. Yeah. So hiring an amateur photographer is not something I do personally as a wedding is not a place for someone to build their portfolio

But I'm keeping quiet and letting Amanda make her own choices. Something that has never really mattered until now also popped up

Every year on the original date of her wedding, I'd be three days into a five day shoot for a nationally televised sporting event in our area

NFL. I've been doing it for five years now and have been taking lead for two years now

I regularly get consultation offers and business following. I gladly stepped down this year and she knows of this

Even if this isn't a real wedding, it is the ceremony for his one and only sister who will do a courthouse wedding once they are able

Regardless, for family, we wouldn't miss it for the world. This was a decision I had to make last fall and it never really mattered that much

My company obviously has already selected a photographer to go in my place and I've already worked with that photographer on various assignments

My husband has told me from the start that I shouldn't have given it up as there is always the possibility that I could be replaced by this other photographer

For me, though, it didn't matter. Not for family. Cue late last week

She announced on Facebook that she and her fianc were moving their wedding to the middle of this summer because they felt that their original date was coming too quick and they wouldn be ready by then I sorry This is so wishy What kind of wedding is this where they like literally I not going to this wedding anymore

Shrimp on a stick, dude. That's why you don't do that, okay

Are we all in agreement now? Yeah. Don't quit your nice job

Don't get yourself replaced by another photographer so you can not go to a wedding that doesn't happen

For goodness sakes. Okay, she didn't notify anyone personally before making this post on Facebook

and still has not made any formal announcements to anyone outside of Facebook

No updates are being mailed. Her stance on this issue is exactly, quote

if people really care about me, they'll look at my Facebook and see the note on my wall

Six weeks notice on a date that has been planned on officially since last summer

A lot of family coming in from out of town had already purchased flights and hotels

Everyone had already made their concessions, including myself, on my yearly gig

Vendors were already on lock, everything. My husband was incredibly upset. I've never seen him get so upset

And he made it no secret to her just how upset he was that she had already basically smacked me in the face twice

and now had moved something she knew that I had made huge concessions for that she was aware of

and that family had already booked travel arrangements, not to mention the tacky manner she did it in

They had a huge argument and basically aren't speaking. Most of the family is incredibly upset as well

And by the way, you would never be incredibly upset if you listen to full episodes with stories like this

All you got to do is go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or iHeartRadio, wherever you get your podcasts

Search OK Storytime. And there you will have our entire library. Real talk, though

I'm going low contact. And I'm not doing anything for your wedding

I'm not going to your wedding. this is I think I'm just triggered as like someone who used to do a lot of freelance work

and like if I had a gig that happened every year and I done it for five years and then I backed out

of it just to do not even to photograph your wedding just to go to it I guess at this point

and then you switch it up I'm done with you yeah agreed agreed okay here we go let's finish this

story interestingly enough we already have obligations with my family that are equally

important on the new weekend that she chose. I told my husband if he wanted to go to her wedding

he could back out and I would go by myself. He said he wouldn't be attending his sister's fake

wedding. He is now saying he's almost certain she will change the date again if this wedding even

actually happens. Needless to say, I'm upset, but I'm trying not to let it bother me. If I lose this

annual gig to her, my husband would be incredibly upset, but it's a choice I made. And in the end

I can't blame anyone but myself for that. And that is the end of that story

And again, folks, I will say, let this be a lesson. Do not sacrifice your, if you're a freelancer

don't sacrifice your best gig to do this for anybody. But guys, that was the end of that story