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Welcome to Adaptable | Behavior Explained! In this episode, we explore The Gift of Gratitude, how gratitude can be more than a feel-good practice and instead become a grounding, supportive tool, especially when life feels heavy. We’ll talk about how gratitude can exist alongside stress, grief, and overwhelm, and how gently noticing what’s steady or meaningful can help build resilience, emotional regulation, and a sense of connection, even in challenging seasons.
I'm Kelly O'Horo, Attachment based EMDR Therapist, EMDRIA Consultant, and Advanced Trainer. I'm a mom of 5, Nonna of 5, wife, and a healer. I have the honor of spending my workdays walking along side people while they brave their healing journeys. I try to live with the generous assumption that we're all doing the best we can with what we know. Therapists are teachers for the "life stuff" and "emotional vocabulary" that may not have been learned due to gaps in our care givers capabilities. In the last 15 years I've learned that people are freaking amazing, resilient, and inspiring. Most importantly, we are hardwired for connection and for healing!
I hope to bring an authentic, compassionate, and unpolished approach while we explore a variety of topics such as parenting, marriage, relationships, dating, trauma, attachment, adoption, depression, addiction, anxiety, and love! There's a why for all behaviors and an explanation that makes perfect sense as emotion is at the root of it all.
-- Links --
https://linktr.ee/kellyohorolpc
https://youtu.be/rLnARKekvgo
https://www.emdria.org/find-an-emdr-therapist/
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0:06
Hi everyone, I'm Kelly O'Horo and this
0:09
is Adaptable Behavior Explained. Merry
0:12
Christmas and happy holidays everybody.
0:15
Thank you so much for being here. I'm so
0:17
glad you're here. Today we're going to
0:19
talk about gratitude, not just as a
0:21
feeling, but as a practice. And it
0:24
changes our brain, our body, and even
0:26
the energy that we share with others.
0:29
We're going to explore five themes about
0:31
gratitude and why gratitude matters for
0:35
mental health and energy. How to find
0:37
gratitude when life feels hard to find
0:39
gratitude. Simple ways to weave
0:42
gratitude into your holiday and other
0:44
times of your life. Gratitude as a
0:46
bridge for connection and carrying
0:49
gratitude beyond Christmas and the
0:51
holidays. And we're also going to talk
0:53
about the science behind gratitude and
0:56
the heart's electromagnetic field
0:58
because it's fascinating and it's deeply
1:00
hopeful. When I was early in my career,
1:03
I learned a lot about gratitude and
1:06
didn't realize before that it's not a
1:08
natural affective circuit. We have to
1:10
practice. It's not just a nice idea.
1:13
It's a physiological shift. Research
1:16
shows that gratitude activates our
1:18
brain's reward system. It lowers our
1:21
cortisol. It increases dopamine and
1:23
serotonin, which are chemicals that help
1:25
us to feel calm and connected. Many
1:28
years back, I watched this movie called
1:30
Sacred Journey of the Heart. And what
1:32
this movie taught me was that HeartMath
1:34
Institute and studies featured in Sacred
1:38
Journey of the Heart show us that the
1:40
heart emits an electromagnetic field
1:42
that is measurable up to 8 to 10 feet
1:45
away from a person. And when we feel
1:47
gratitude or love, that field becomes
1:49
more coherent. So when you think that
1:51
you could feel someone behind you and
1:53
you didn't know they were there, that's
1:55
true. You feel their energy and it's
1:58
like way stronger coming from our heart
2:00
than even our brain. And that energy is
2:03
literally influential on the people
2:06
around us. And so when someone says I
2:08
can feel their energy, that is a true
2:10
thing. One of the fun facts I learned
2:12
about this was that we measure around
2:14
the Earth's atmosphere through
2:16
satellites all the time. We measure the
2:19
frequency of the electromagnetic field
2:22
around the earth's atmosphere. And that
2:24
field has always been the same except
2:26
for one time. Some of you may even guess
2:29
that one time was actually after 911.
2:32
And everybody around the world felt such
2:35
similar emotional situ emotional
2:38
feelings at that time that the
2:40
electromagnetic field around the earth
2:42
that frequency changed right after 911
2:45
happened. And so all of us feeling one
2:47
another at the same time actually
2:49
changed the whole frequency. And that's
2:51
not just theory. That was science. It
2:53
was measurable. So fascinating science
2:55
around our heart energy and gratitude.
2:58
So I want you to think about walking
2:59
into a room where someone feels calm and
3:02
joyful and joyful and you sense that
3:07
before they even speak. That's the
3:08
heart's energy at work. And so hopefully
3:12
today and every day you can think about
3:15
being intentional with your gratitude.
3:17
And we're going to talk about some
3:18
practical tips about how. So we want to
3:20
start small. Just name one thing that
3:22
you appreciate right now. Everybody stop
3:24
and do that. I can even do that around
3:26
the holidays. Like the Starbucks cups
3:28
turn red and I'm like, "Yay, the
3:30
holidays are coming. For me, that's a
3:31
fun thing." But you can use sensory for
3:34
gratitude. So, notice the warmth of your
3:36
coffee or the sound of laughter
3:38
somewhere or the glow of lights in the
3:40
room that you're in. And just sit with
3:42
that for a moment and then say it out
3:44
loud. I'm grateful for this moment. Be
3:47
intentional about the moment that you're
3:48
experiencing right now. It brings
3:51
presence and it brings grounding and it
3:54
changes your heart energy.
3:56
Now, that's all well and good when
3:58
things are going well and things are
4:00
calm. And I'm wondering if you haven't
4:02
snuck off to get a little space from the
4:05
holiday if you're watching this show uh
4:07
on Christmas. And so, which is just
4:09
fine. We've got to take space. But maybe
4:11
we need a little bit more help with
4:13
finding gratitude when life feels hard.
4:16
So, we're going to expand on this core
4:18
idea of gratitude. Now, gratitude
4:20
doesn't erase grief. It doesn't erase
4:23
stress, but it can coexist with them.
4:26
So, it's about anchoring to what still
4:28
feels good even when life feels heavy.
4:31
So, for example, it's a holiday time.
4:34
Let's say you're grieving the loss of
4:35
someone, a parent or a boyfriend or a
4:37
friend. And you might say, "I miss my
4:41
mom or I miss my friend and I'm grateful
4:44
for the friends who invited me here
4:46
today." We can have both things at the
4:48
same time. And sometimes the holidays
4:50
are really tough for people. So another
4:53
person in a tough season might find
4:55
gratitude in a small thing like a cozy
4:57
blanket or a kind text or a quiet
5:00
sunrise. And so being present is part of
5:04
finding gratitude and it can be really
5:07
simple but it takes practice and it
5:10
takes practicing both and thinking. What
5:13
I mean by that like I'm hurting and I'm
5:16
thankful for this cup of tea. A way that
5:18
we can change the practice for this is
5:22
uh writing a gratitude for each sense.
5:24
So something that you see, write write
5:27
down something that you feel grateful
5:28
that you can see, something that you can
5:30
hear, write about gratitude there,
5:33
something that you feel, something that
5:35
you taste, and something that you smell.
5:37
So you can drill it down to a sensory um
5:41
experience. If gratitude feels forced,
5:44
start with noticing, I see a light on
5:47
the tree. if it doesn't feel organic or
5:49
natural. And that brings you into a
5:51
present state.
5:53
Now, let's talk about weaving gratitude
5:55
into your holiday.
5:57
Gratitude can transform an ordinary
6:00
moment into a sacred one. It's not about
6:02
a grand gesture. It's about really
6:05
practicing presence, and that can be
6:06
hard with the chaos of the holidays and
6:09
a lot going on at the same time. Um,
6:12
something that I heard from one of my
6:13
clients was really sweet. they decided
6:16
to start a tradition where they share
6:18
one piece of gratitude or one thing
6:20
they're grateful for before they open
6:21
gifts. And so rather than the frenzy of
6:24
shifting into mad mayhem of opening all
6:27
the presents, they shift to connection
6:30
and the tone is different at the start
6:32
and also carries into the habit of the
6:35
opening of the presents which I thought
6:36
was really sweet. or even if we pause
6:39
before we eat dinner and thank everyone
6:40
for being there and having just a moment
6:43
of gratitude for the presence of the
6:45
people that are at your table is a nice
6:48
sweet thing to do. Prayer is also nice
6:50
if people do that. Um but you don't have
6:52
to be prayerful to have connection that
6:54
is intentional.
6:57
Uh one one year my friend got me a
7:00
gratitude jar. And so the idea was that
7:03
every day you write something down on a
7:05
piece of paper that you feel grateful
7:06
for and you put it in the jar and then
7:08
at the end of the year you read them all
7:10
aloud or even if you're having a hard
7:12
time, pull out the gratitude jar and
7:14
read through some of the things that you
7:15
wrote down during a difficult time. But
7:18
sharing the things with others that you
7:20
feel thankful for or gratitude for helps
7:23
to spread that joy and spread that um
7:25
sense of that heart energy. And so
7:27
that's another thing that you can do. We
7:28
can do it in small moments just like
7:30
saying at the end of your day just name
7:32
one thing that you appreciated about the
7:34
day. Uh when my kids were growing up we
7:36
would sit around the table and we would
7:38
do so that everyone had a little bit of
7:40
conversation. We would have something
7:42
called high low and I I think I saw it
7:44
on the movie Sleepless in Seattle. Maybe
7:47
it was one of those me Ryan movies. I
7:49
can't remember exactly which movie it
7:50
was, but um we started a high low at our
7:53
kitchen table and every day we could go
7:55
around the circle and everyone would get
7:57
a chance to talk about the high for the
7:59
day and the thing that was good as well
8:01
as a point that was hard or painful and
8:03
that way there was a sharing that was
8:04
balanced at our kitchen table every
8:07
night. Maybe you just snap a picture of
8:09
something mean meaningful for memory and
8:11
not for social media and you just have
8:13
that for yourself to appreciate. So
8:16
gratitude can come in uh big and small
8:18
ways. It doesn't have to be giant
8:20
sweeping actions, but it's also a
8:23
beautiful bridge for connection. And
8:25
that might be even a little more
8:26
poignant during this holiday season.
8:28
Gratitude softens tension. It builds
8:30
trust. And when we express appreciation,
8:33
we remind others that they matter and
8:35
that they're seen. And our heart energy
8:38
amplifies with that message. And so if I
8:41
say to, let's say I say to my mom or my
8:44
sister, you know, thank you so much for
8:46
shopping for the holiday and preparing
8:49
all this food and I don't say it in
8:51
public in front of everybody, but I just
8:53
say say it to her. It gives her a boost
8:55
of being seen and feeling cared for and
8:58
um for recognizing that her efforts are
9:01
appreciated. And I think there's a lot
9:03
of there's a lot of benefit to that. And
9:04
the and the science of connection says
9:06
so. When you feel gratitude, your
9:09
heart's electromagnetic field becomes
9:11
more organized. And so that coherence
9:13
can influence others again up to eight
9:16
to 10 feet away, which creates a ripple
9:18
effect of calm and connection. And
9:21
that's super beautiful to be able to do
9:23
that with such a small moment and share
9:26
something that you appreciate about
9:28
someone doesn't necessarily like erase a
9:30
disagreement or tension, but it can
9:32
rebuild some warmth in the moment. And I
9:35
think that on holidays when we bring
9:37
lots of dynamics together and lots of
9:39
different people with lots of histories
9:41
and oftentimes unfinished business and
9:44
family conflict, this gives us a chance
9:47
to have something at the anchor of that
9:49
and helps us to show up in a way that's
9:51
intentional that isn't about unfinished
9:54
business, but more about being present
9:56
and right now. And so I think that those
9:58
are easy easy things to do. Thank thank
10:01
the helpers. Thank the little kids who
10:03
clear the table. Um, thank someone who
10:06
steps in to take out the trash or um,
10:08
just grabs a bag to pick up the wrapping
10:10
paper. Those are little moments that we
10:12
can show gratitude and be specific about
10:14
and be be clear. I appreciate how you
10:18
made time. I appreciate how you got the
10:20
bag today to help clear up the trash.
10:22
And I think those um, expressions of
10:25
appreciation can be really meaningful
10:26
and connection building. But let's talk
10:28
about carrying gratitude beyond
10:30
Christmas. For a lot of us, it's easier
10:32
to have that because we're in connection
10:34
and we're enjoying yummy foods and
10:37
beautiful lighting and the surroundings
10:39
can be lovely and um it's easier to find
10:42
gratitude in those moments oftentimes,
10:44
but it's a year- round practice that
10:46
builds resilience and strengthens
10:48
relationships in general. And so I would
10:50
say if you don't have a formal gratitude
10:54
practice that it's a good thing to
10:56
develop. It would be a great goal to
10:57
set. So let me give you an example. Um,
11:00
I have a client that keeps a a gratitude
11:03
journal and in 30 days they look back
11:06
and they read what they wrote each day
11:09
and they can be really short. Like I see
11:11
beauty in places I used to overlook and
11:14
recognizing how much more present
11:16
someone can be. Um, another person
11:18
starts a weekly gratitude text thread
11:20
with friends and it becomes their
11:22
favorite ritual. And so again, um maybe
11:25
your family chat starts something like
11:27
that or maybe your group chat you take
11:30
the reinss and start that. Another
11:32
tradition you could start is just
11:33
starting each day with just three
11:35
gratitudes and pair gratitude with
11:38
movement. Like name one thing you
11:40
appreciate during a walk or during a
11:43
stretch. Maybe make gratitude a family
11:45
habit. Share one highlight at dinner
11:47
like I talked about um with highs and
11:49
lows. Uh there's lots of really cool
11:51
ideas that you can do in today's age of
11:54
AI. You could even hit up co-pilot or
11:57
chat GPT and say, "Give me five ways to
12:01
practice gratitude that are attainable
12:03
and tolerable and don't take up a lot of
12:05
time to see what happens to your heart
12:07
energy." I highly recommend giving
12:09
yourself that gift this holiday season.
12:12
So, thank you so much for tuning in. I
12:14
hope you have a wonderful day. I hope
12:16
you show gratitude in big and small
12:18
ways. It doesn't erase the pain, but it
12:21
reminds us that there's still goodness
12:22
that's worth noticing. And noticing can
12:25
change everything, not just inside of
12:27
us, but in the way that we share our
12:29
energy with others. And so, thank you so
12:32
much for tuning in. Uh, I have gratitude
12:34
for your presence. And I hope that this
12:35
helped you. Uh, please make sure you
12:37
share it with somebody if they could use
12:39
a little dose of gratitude and kindness.
12:42
And don't forget to subscribe if you
12:44
want to make sure you don't miss any
12:45
future episodes. Until we meet again,
12:48
don't forget to lead with love. It'll
12:50
never steer you wrong. And happy
12:51
holidays.