0:00
I will say that in couples this is
0:02
normal. We are instinctively critical
0:06
and I want to normalize that we all have
0:08
unmet needs especially as we get so busy
0:11
being human doings and not human beings
0:13
and we don't slow down enough to say you
0:16
know I'm feeling a certain kind of way
0:18
and we're falling into some patterns
0:19
that are not helping me get my needs
0:21
met. So I want to normalize that this is
0:24
common and creating safety for
0:26
vulnerability really is the key. So, you
0:29
want to practice repair conversations
0:30
after conflict. You want to work on
0:32
slowing down interactions, especially if
0:35
there's some emotion behind it because
0:38
criticism often softens when
0:40
vulnerability is met with safety. When
0:43
the person in the moment says, "I really
0:45
want to hear you. Let's try again. I re
0:48
you really matter to me and what you
0:50
need matters to me, too." Criticism
0:52
doesn't come from cruelty. It comes from
0:54
longing. It's longing to be seen.
0:57
longing to matter, longing for change
0:59
and connection. And when we learn to
1:02
hear the need beneath the criticism, and
1:04
then we can express it with honesty
1:06
instead of that sharpness or that global
1:08
attribution of a person, relationships
1:11
become a safer place to land. And repair
1:13
isn't about never criticizing again.
1:16
It's about learning how to turn that
1:17
protest of an unmet need into a
1:19
connection opportunity.
1:21
So, I hope that this helped. This again
1:23
is one of the most common things that
1:25
show up in the four horsemen in
1:27
relationships. And if you found it
1:30
beneficial, give us a like, drop some
1:32
comments in if this resonated with you,
1:34
but definitely make sure that you
1:35
subscribe. And when you watch our show,
1:37
hopefully you are subscribed so we can
1:40
track those watch hours from our
1:41
subscribers. It really helps us. So,
1:44
thank you so much for listening, for
1:45
being a fan of the show, and for
1:47
sticking it out to the end on this one.
1:50
Thank you very much. And until we meet
1:52
again, don't forget to lead with love.
1:54
It'll never steer you wrong.
