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how do we choose the people we fall in
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love with in the modern world under the
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ideology of Romanticism we are
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encouraged above all to trust our
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feelings love is seen as a shared
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ecstasy in discovering a beautiful
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person inside and out who has the rare
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ability to make us happy the Romantic
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approach appears warm and kind its
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Originators likely believed it would put
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an end to the unhappy relationships that
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came from old fashioned ways of finding
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Partners such as arranged marriages
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however relying solely on instinct often
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leads to its own set of
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problems trusting the feelings we
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experience when meeting certain people
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whether at night clubs train stations
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parties or on dating websites has not
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necessarily made us happier in our
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relationships in fact Instinct has
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proven to be no better than calculated
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Arrangements in determining the success
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of our love stories an alternative
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perspective influenced by Psychotherapy
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challenges the idea that trusting our
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instincts always leads us to to those
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who will make us happy this Theory
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suggests we don't primarily fall in love
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with people who care for us in ideal
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ways instead we are drawn to those who
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care for us in familiar ways the
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difference between ideal care and
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familiar care can be significant adult
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love is often based on a template
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created during childhood unfortunately
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this template may include problematic
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dynamics that hinder our growth and
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happiness as adults while we might
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believe we're seeking happiness and love
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we're often subconsciously chasing
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famili familiarity we aim to recreate
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within our adult relationships the
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emotions we knew in childhood feelings
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that were likely not limited to
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tenderness and Care early experiences of
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Love were often intertwined with more
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destructive patterns trying to help an
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unpredictable adult feeling deprived of
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a parent warmth fearing a parent anger
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or feeling unsafe in expressing our
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needs it's no surprise then that as
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adults we might reject potential
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Partners not because they are unsuitable
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but because they feel too right balanced
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mature understanding and reliable people
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may seem foreign or undeserved causing
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us to turn away from them to choose a
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partner wisely we must examine how our
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patterns of Attraction may stem from
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unconscious compulsions a good starting
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point is to reflect on the types of
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people we are drawn to and repelled by
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by tracing these preferences back to the
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people who first loved us in childhood
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we can explore whether our impulses are
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truly aligned with what could make us
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happy for instance we might realize that
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distant or slightly cruel individuals
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excite us more than those who are
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genuinely kind such insights should
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prompt us to reconsider our assumptions
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about love our emotional responses are
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often legacies from our past shaped by
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early experiences recognizing this can
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help us see that our idealized vision of
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a partner may not be a reliable guide to
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personal happiness by examining our
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emotional histories we learn that our
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attractions are not Limitless but are
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shaped by past events even if we can't
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completely change these patterns being
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aware of them helps us approach love
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more cautiously for example we might
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question the overwhelming certainty that
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we've met the one after a brief
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conversation at a bar or re-evaluate why
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we dismiss someone as dull despite their
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admirable qualities ultimately
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understanding our emotional past frees
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us to love beyond our initial type we
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begin to see that the qualities we
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desire and fear can exist in different
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combinations from those we encountered
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in childhood by striving to understand
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and in some ways free ourselves from the
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past we open ourselves to healthier and
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more fulfilling relationships have you
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ever reflected on how your childhood
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influences your relationships today let
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us know your thoughts in the comments
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