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In this podcast, our essay corrector Ellen puts YOU in the driver’s seat as you review a student’s essay with her, deciding what band score the essay should get. With the band descriptors as your guide, you will learn
How the introduction makes a first impression on the examiner How mistakes and missteps can influence the examiner along the way How some strong arguments, precise vocabulary and accurate grammar can redeem your score How important the last impression your essay leaves is In the end, you will see how challenging the task of the examiner is and all the elements they take into consideration. This knowledge will help you to construct stronger essays.
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Click here to read the full transcript.
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0:00
I had Ellen she was reading uh my essays
0:03
she was highlighting like the weakest
0:05
points like like the errors and in terms
0:08
of structure and uh she's very energetic
0:11
she pushes the the
0:13
students and in theend end I was like oh
0:17
yeah I I want to do it I want to keep
0:19
keep doing it keep writing hello there
0:22
students welcome to I podcast you no
0:26
longer have to worry threat or Panic
0:29
about I because we are here to guide you
0:32
through this test
0:34
jungle enjoy these IELTS tutorials and
0:37
if you need more help want to access the
0:40
famous online course you can visit us at
0:43
ieltspodcast.com
0:46
hi everybody this is Ellen and I'm back
0:49
today with another podcast talking about
0:51
writing task 2 um in a couple of my
0:55
recent podcasts I've dealt with task 2
0:57
and what I've been doing is I've been
0:59
looking at different types of essays one
1:01
was a sample essay that would certainly
1:04
get at least an eight if not an 8.5 or a
1:07
nine so we looked at that we analyzed
1:09
that and what made it such um an essay
1:12
of a high band score and I also recently
1:16
talked about a 6.5
1:19
essay um and what kinds of decisions an
1:23
examiner has to make um and what might
1:26
lead an examiner to choose to give that
1:28
kind of a score for an essay
1:30
um and the reason that I'm bringing that
1:32
up is because the podcast today is going
1:35
to deal um with some of those issues
1:39
that I talked about in both of those
1:41
podcasts but this time I kind of want
1:44
you the audience to play the role of the
1:46
examiner and I would like to hear what
1:50
you would give this
1:52
essay so just to give you a little
1:55
background about this student this is an
1:57
old student of mine who was was again
2:01
stuck at a
2:02
6.5 uh he took the test at least five or
2:05
six times I don't even know
2:08
um sometimes he would take the test and
2:11
not even tell me that uh he had
2:13
registered for it um and his scores
2:16
really varied I mean sometimes he got a
2:19
6.5 sometimes he got a six so um it
2:23
wasn't really consistent I think he even
2:25
got a seven once but then one of his
2:27
other scores wasn't a seven anyway
2:29
that's not really the point the point is
2:31
though that this is a person who is
2:34
almost there but isn't consistently
2:37
there okay and so um I want today for us
2:42
to look at an essay of this student um
2:46
and see you know what would what would
2:48
we give him and what kind of score do we
2:50
think this essay deserves so we're going
2:53
to look at the essay we're going to pull
2:54
it apart again it's always really really
2:57
helpful um to have the band descript
3:00
scriptors next to you when you look at
3:02
any sort of an essay whether it's your
3:04
own or whether it's the work of someone
3:06
else um to kind of get yourself in the
3:09
mindset of the examiner if you can get
3:12
in the mindset then you can um make some
3:16
decisions in your own writing that will
3:18
help you um kind of alter what you write
3:21
and make it the kind of writing that an
3:23
examiner will view more favorably or if
3:25
not more favorably at least something
3:27
that kind of corresponds to the band
3:29
score that you
3:30
need all right so without further Ado
3:33
Let's uh go into this essay um I'm not
3:36
sure where this essay comes from I
3:39
believe it's one of those um topics that
3:43
was posted somewhere on the internet as
3:46
a recently listed
3:48
topic so I can't give credit
3:51
unfortunately to uh whatever site posted
3:53
it but let's take a look the student
3:55
might have given it to me himself so
3:57
let's take a look at this the topic is
3:59
is some people think that professional
4:01
athletes make good role models for young
4:04
people While others believe they do not
4:06
discuss both these view points of view
4:09
and give your own opinion okay so this
4:12
is pretty typical uh you're discussing
4:15
two
4:17
viewpoints athletes are good Role Models
4:20
athletes are not good Role Models okay
4:22
and then you also have to insert your
4:24
own position somewhere in there so let's
4:27
see what our um student here
4:31
did starting with the introduction many
4:34
people believe that the star system of
4:36
sports provides the young with a
4:39
productive example to imitate while
4:42
there are others who think the opposite
4:44
okay so what is he doing in this first
4:46
sentence pretty textbook case um of an
4:50
introductory sentence he's essentially
4:53
rewriting the task he's uh putting it in
4:56
his own words he's done a decent job of
4:59
it but there is some um error with the
5:02
Lexus he wrote a productive example to
5:06
imitate that's not the word he wanted
5:09
the word that it creates a collocation
5:11
is constructive so we talk about a
5:14
constructive example or you could talk
5:18
about a positive example those both
5:21
create collocations but we don't say a
5:24
productive example so maybe this is
5:27
something that comes from his native
5:28
language maybe he just you know messed
5:30
up the words we're not really sure but
5:32
definitely in that first sentence we
5:35
have a poor word choice okay so that's
5:38
kind of one strike against our student
5:41
here today
5:42
okay so the next sentence says in my
5:46
opinion both sides provide their thesis
5:49
with solid arguments and it is difficult
5:51
to express a clear position but although
5:54
I think there are negative aspects I
5:56
realize that the success of such people
5:58
is founded on hidden virtues that
6:01
everyone should have in
6:03
mind okay so this sentence is is long I
6:08
mean it extends over three lines um I
6:11
don't know about you but I got kind of
6:14
lost somewhere in the
6:15
middle there is a position expressed but
6:19
how clear are you on the position that
6:23
are student here expressed I'm going to
6:25
read it one more time so that you can
6:27
hear it and see if you can kind of pull
6:29
out what the position of the writer is
6:32
in my opinion both sides provide their
6:35
thesis with solid arguments and it is
6:38
difficult to express a clear position
6:40
but although I think that there are
6:43
negative aspects I realize that the
6:46
success of such people is founded on
6:48
hidden virtues that everyone should have
6:49
in
6:51
mind so it sounds kind of impressive
6:54
when you first look at it and you can't
6:57
really say that there is anything wrong
7:00
per se
7:02
grammatically but um it is a sentence
7:06
that requires rereading you don't really
7:08
want that okay um especially when it
7:11
comes to presenting your position you
7:13
want to make
7:15
sure that your position is clear with
7:18
the first read through okay personally
7:21
I've read this now at least twice and I
7:24
still have to kind of work through it my
7:26
overall feeling is that the position is
7:28
not clear clear and if there is a
7:31
position it is not directly related to
7:33
what we're talking about because through
7:36
all of these lines where does the writer
7:39
actually tell us his position he says I
7:42
realize that the success of s such
7:44
people is founded on hidden virtues that
7:46
everyone should have in mind what does
7:48
that mean that they are good Role Models
7:52
or they aren't good Role Models so you
7:54
can see that our student here has really
7:57
not answered the question
8:00
okay um there's all this writing there's
8:03
all this language but you can't really
8:06
say oh okay this person is in favor of
8:09
athletes as Role Models or this person
8:11
is not in favor it's just not clear so
8:15
it's long it's wordy there's some nice
8:17
words like thesis and collocations like
8:21
solid arguments and clear position and
8:23
you think wow this is a person who has a
8:25
really good command of English but with
8:28
that good command of English is there
8:30
actually a message being put forward and
8:34
my conclusion here is well no not really
8:38
okay so um again you can look at the
8:42
band Des scriptors if you have them with
8:44
you and see where does this fall in the
8:47
band of scriptors if you look
8:50
um it says um in band Six presents
8:55
relevant main ideas but some may be
8:57
inadequately developed well no that that
8:59
doesn't apply here if you look in band
9:02
seven it says presents a clear position
9:04
throughout the response well we've
9:06
pretty much established here that it's
9:09
not throughout the response because from
9:11
the introduction the position of this
9:14
writer isn't entirely clear we doesn't
9:17
we don't really know where he stands on
9:20
this issue of athletes and as Role
9:22
Models All right so let's move on to the
9:25
body
9:27
paragraphs okay clearly the major uh
9:31
clearly the major argument for those
9:34
against the professional athletes as
9:36
Role Models is the fact that the most
9:39
known part of their success is their
9:41
extravagant and outof limits way of
9:44
their living they are usually the person
9:47
the personalization of consumerism as a
9:51
concept and as existence though the
9:54
products that they advertise are through
9:57
the goods that they consume
10:01
their moral limits are often
10:02
questionable and there are a lot of
10:05
rumors around their relationships with
10:07
the others which implies often
10:10
personality
10:12
disorders okay so I'm going to ask you
10:16
all to take a look at the band
10:17
descriptors and think about this in
10:19
terms of task uh achievement was it
10:22
developed are there any conclusions here
10:25
uh were the arguments supported
10:29
were their
10:31
arguments okay um and then in terms of
10:34
coherence and
10:35
cohesion uh were the arguments laid out
10:39
in a logical
10:41
manner was there proper linkage between
10:44
the ideas what about the grammar was it
10:47
accurate did you see a range for lexical
10:51
resource was it precise was this person
10:54
able to say what he wanted to say okay
10:58
so see these are some of the things that
10:59
examiners are looking at if you want
11:02
pause the podcast take a look at the
11:04
band descriptors and listening again to
11:06
this paragraph what would you give this
11:09
obviously examiners are not rating your
11:12
writing paragraph by paragraph but as an
11:16
examiner progresses in an essay they are
11:21
kind of tweaking their score they might
11:23
start out with something in mind like
11:25
well maybe this is a six maybe this is a
11:27
6.5 maybe it's a seven and then as they
11:31
go on through the essay yeah they're
11:32
honing that idea and they're kind of
11:35
making some corrections like well maybe
11:37
this is a six well maybe that part's a
11:39
seven okay so um I'd be interested to
11:43
hear what you would give this okay I'm
11:46
not going to tell you what I would give
11:47
it but um we can look at it again and
11:50
and think about uh where some of the
11:53
weak points and where some of the strong
11:54
points
11:55
are so looking at the first sentence
11:58
clearly really the major argument for
12:00
those against you don't need the the
12:03
here it should be against professional
12:05
athletes as Role Models is the fact that
12:10
the most known part of their success is
12:15
their extravagant and out of limits way
12:18
of their living now this last section is
12:21
really not an appropriate expression in
12:24
English we don't say that people have
12:27
out of limits way of their living it's
12:30
just an in it's an unnatural expression
12:33
in English we would say this um rather
12:36
differently so uh we would say that
12:38
they're extravagant and um over-the-top
12:43
way of living now that would make a more
12:47
uh sensible expression not out of limits
12:49
but an over the toop so let's try it
12:52
again clearly the major argument for
12:55
those against professional athletes as
12:57
role models
13:00
it is the
13:02
fact that the most known part of their
13:05
success is their extravagant and
13:07
over-the-top way of
13:10
life okay that makes a little more sense
13:13
they are usually usually the
13:16
personalization of consumerism he
13:18
doesn't mean personalization he means
13:20
the personification so again you can see
13:23
that it's another example of a wrong
13:26
vocabulary word it's close but it's not
13:29
precise it's an error and it reduces the
13:33
accuracy
13:35
here so they are usually the
13:38
personification of consumerism as a
13:41
concept and as existence through the
13:45
products that they advertise or through
13:47
the goods that they consume okay well
13:50
where is the extension of this where is
13:53
the development where does he give us
13:56
sort of some tangible illustration
14:00
or understanding of what he's talking
14:02
about cuz these are some rather Broad
14:05
and strong statements but there's
14:08
nothing backing them up so they just
14:10
sound as
14:11
Theory and they're not extended okay so
14:16
again look at the band descriptors and
14:18
see what that means when you're not
14:22
supporting your ideas well you're not
14:24
really giving them the extension that
14:27
they need okay
14:30
so what our student does here instead is
14:32
he goes
14:33
on um into more detail but not actually
14:37
supporting his previous idea take a look
14:39
he says their moral limits are often
14:42
questionable and there are a lot of
14:44
rumors around their relationships with
14:47
the others he doesn't mean with the
14:49
others he means with others which
14:51
implies often personality disorders okay
14:54
again there's no extension of this it's
14:57
a rather Broad statement it's rather
15:01
absolute their moral limits are often
15:04
questionable
15:06
um so how could you change this this is
15:11
um there was another podcast with us
15:13
recently about hedging and about
15:15
softening some of your arguments so
15:17
rather than saying their moral limits
15:19
are often questionable you could say
15:21
that
15:23
often the moral limits of these athletes
15:27
can be question questionable all right
15:30
so you're not putting everybody into one
15:33
big pile of immoral uh people with
15:38
questionable um Behavior but you're
15:40
saying that you know what maybe
15:43
sometimes some of these people behave
15:46
this way okay uh it shows a little more
15:49
nuance and that's really what you want
15:51
to do in this essay
15:54
so sometimes their moral limits may be
15:58
questionable and there can be a lot of
16:02
rumors around their relationships with
16:05
others um and instead of saying which
16:08
implies often personality disorders
16:10
which is poor syntax like we just
16:12
wouldn't phrase a sentence like this
16:14
what he could have said here is with
16:17
others possibly implying personality
16:21
disorders now here you would also need
16:24
to extend this give us an example tell
16:27
us maybe some something that you know
16:30
from
16:32
uh you know it sounds like this person
16:34
knows some things about sports so maybe
16:36
he could give us an example um of
16:38
something he's heard something he's read
16:40
or maybe even just a theoretical example
16:43
like a pretend example I mean it's not a
16:46
it's not a a truth test it's not no
16:49
one's going to give you a lie detector
16:50
so make something up you know say that
16:53
um you know maybe such and such
16:56
basketball player um was uh rumored to
17:01
be involved in
17:03
XYZ uh questionable Behavior so you know
17:07
this then brings the um concern that
17:11
perhaps these people are not the best
17:13
Role Models okay just some example but
17:17
try to do something that supports what
17:18
you're saying don't just leave it kind
17:20
of in a theoretical sort of way um where
17:25
there's nothing supporting it um and
17:28
nothing kind of of anchoring it with any
17:31
fact or any extension any sort of
17:34
further um illustration okay so um yes
17:39
there was a problem with some of the
17:40
vocabulary uh a little bit in terms of
17:43
syntax most of the grammar has been
17:45
pretty good actually um and there are
17:48
some nice elements of vocabulary but
17:51
there's still some imprecision so again
17:53
I'm hoping that some of you while you're
17:55
doing this while you're listening to
17:56
this podcast have the bandas scriptor
17:59
and are looking to see hm you know what
18:01
would I give this student that's kind of
18:03
what I wanted you to to do with this so
18:06
think about a little bit and you know
18:09
thinking about the errors as well as
18:11
some of the strong points in this essay
18:13
where would you put this
18:14
candidate okay so let's take a look at
18:17
the second body
18:18
paragraph on the other hand how has this
18:21
success been achieved for many people
18:24
the answer may be talent and talent
18:26
isn't quotes but everybody knows that
18:29
Talent without devotion perseverance and
18:31
patience does not always conclude to
18:33
success okay now there's a lot of this I
18:35
actually really like this is lovely um
18:38
it's interesting the person here took a
18:40
risk by including a s a question in that
18:45
introductory sentence of that paragraph
18:46
that is a risk and sometimes that risk
18:49
works out for some students sometimes it
18:51
doesn't here I think it's nice because
18:54
it's uh it's a nice kind of segue into
18:57
the opposite side of the argument and it
19:00
works um unfortunately there's a
19:03
grammatical problem in the next sentence
19:05
that makes this whole um thing kind of
19:10
not as strong as it could have been
19:13
so he says that patience does not always
19:16
conclude to success that's the wrong
19:19
word here again we've got another
19:21
example of a poor vocabulary word so
19:23
what he really meant to say was Talent
19:26
does not always result in
19:30
success okay um that would have been or
19:33
patience does not always result in
19:36
success or it does not
19:38
equate uh to success that would have
19:41
been good too but conclude is the wrong
19:44
word here to be sure
19:46
okay thus from this point of view
19:50
athletes who struggle to be better every
19:52
day through hard constant work may be a
19:55
good role model for the young moreover
19:58
we discover that devotion plays an
20:00
extremely important role in the effort
20:02
to reach success for these people
20:05
without a firm belief in s these
20:07
athletes would not achieve what is shown
20:09
on the TV and the media as a life full
20:12
of money and glamour okay so this
20:16
paragraph for me is a lot stronger um
20:20
the grammar is with that one little
20:22
exception accurate um there is some nice
20:27
vocabulary and extremely important role
20:29
the effort to reach success firm belief
20:32
in self I mean that's beautiful that's a
20:34
very nice language so now you're kind of
20:37
like well this is accurate this is
20:40
precise and now this candidate is
20:43
really um able to say exactly what he
20:46
wants to say I mean you get the idea
20:48
that these are precise ideas here there
20:52
is Nuance here so now what do you do
20:54
with that especially when you consider
20:56
some of the mistakes um and kind of
20:59
missteps that we saw in the previous
21:01
paragraph now the next question that I
21:04
have for you podcast listeners is what
21:06
about the task achievement has our
21:09
student here answered the question has
21:12
he developed has he supported his
21:13
arguments look at what those arguments
21:16
were listen to this paragraph again and
21:20
ask yourself did he support his
21:22
arguments what were his arguments what
21:24
was the central idea of
21:26
this okay and just to help you and guide
21:29
your um thoughts a little bit um the
21:34
answer is that he's saying here that yes
21:38
these people need to be talented and
21:40
they also have other traits like
21:43
devotion perseverance and
21:45
patience okay and this combination of
21:49
traits is what makes athletes good Role
21:52
Models cuz not everybody has these
21:55
things okay so it's this it's this Tri
21:58
fecta well it's more than a trifecta but
22:00
it's this kind of combination of tra of
22:03
traits that makes these people worth
22:07
admiration okay and um they struggle
22:11
they overcome
22:13
adversity um they devote
22:16
themselves okay and they have confidence
22:19
as well he says here without a firm
22:22
belief in these athletes would not
22:24
achieve what is shown on TV so um he he
22:28
does support this idea of devotion and
22:31
perseverance as um as traits that are
22:34
important and thus uh these traits make
22:38
athletes worth being Role Models okay so
22:42
this paragraph for me was definitely
22:44
stronger than the the previous one now
22:46
let's take a look at the conclusion in
22:49
conclusion it is not easy to answer
22:52
straight to this matter I think although
22:56
that we should understand the deeper
22:58
cause of the phenomenon and exploit them
23:00
for the better future before we
23:02
condemned as an inadequate role model
23:06
okay so now this paragraph unfortunately
23:09
has undone a lot of the beautiful
23:11
language we saw in the previous
23:12
paragraph there are mistakes with the
23:15
grammar there are mistakes with the
23:16
punctuation I tried to kind of show you
23:19
where some of that punctuation was with
23:21
commas Etc um but this definitely
23:24
weakens that kind of positive effect
23:27
that we had in the previous
23:29
paragraph So first of all we have the
23:31
first sentence in conclusion it is not
23:35
easy to answer straight to this matter
23:37
that's an incorrect expression we don't
23:39
say to answer straight to this matter so
23:42
I think he means something else here he
23:44
means in conclusion it is not easy to uh
23:48
draw a clear conclusion with regard to
23:52
this
23:53
issue now if you think about it this is
23:57
um not really what the essay has asked
23:59
they do want your opinion and they do
24:01
expect you to provide some sort of
24:03
opinion here either in favor or against
24:06
the argument
24:08
okay then he says I think comma although
24:11
comma which is wrong all right that
24:14
although should not have had a comma
24:15
after it so uh it should have just been
24:18
I think although we should understand
24:20
the deeper cause of the
24:22
phenomenon and you know what the
24:24
although didn't go at all actually now
24:26
that to look at it again so it should be
24:28
I think that we should understand the
24:31
deeper causes of the phenomenon now when
24:33
he says that which
24:35
phenomenon I mean what phenomenon are we
24:39
referring to here so this is um a word
24:43
that is referring to something but that
24:44
reference is not entirely clear so it's
24:47
definitely leaving a big question mark
24:49
here when he says the deeper causes of
24:52
the phenomenon because I'm not sure what
24:54
phenomenon he's referring to so he says
24:57
I think that we should understand the
24:59
deeper causes of the phenomenon and
25:01
exploit them for the better future well
25:03
if we don't know what that phenomenon is
25:05
and the deeper causes of that phenomenon
25:08
how can we exploit them so it's a lot of
25:10
words that sound lovely but they don't
25:12
really create meaning okay so they don't
25:15
really create coherence They Don't
25:18
Really extend an argument because we're
25:20
confused we can't conclude and we can't
25:24
understand what is being said here and
25:26
then the last clause here is before we
25:30
condemned as an inadequate role model
25:33
well condemned is the wrong uh wrong
25:35
tense he means before we condemn someone
25:40
as an inadequate role model so that word
25:42
someone there was missing um but again
25:45
as I've said some of the language here
25:47
is just unclear we're not really sure
25:50
what our student is trying to say um so
25:54
it's not the strongest conclusion and
25:56
it's certainly not the conclusion we
25:58
would have hoped for after such a strong
26:00
uh second body paragraph okay so um I
26:05
would love to hear in the comments from
26:07
you what would you give this essay what
26:10
did you think were the strong points
26:12
what did you think were the weak points
26:14
um and how would you have changed this
26:16
around what would you write on this
26:18
topic um I think that would be an
26:21
interesting kind of dialogue to begin so
26:24
uh I absolutely invite you to uh to
26:26
write to us and tell us what you think
26:28
okay
26:28
so um I wish you all the best of luck
26:31
thanks for listening and uh keep on
26:34
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26:49
writing thanks for listening to I
26:51
podcast.com
26:53
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