0:00
The sterile scent of antiseptic clung to
0:02
me like a second skin. A constant
0:04
reminder of the battle raging within.
0:07
Stage three, colon cancer.
0:10
The words still echoed in my mind, a
0:13
grim pronouncement that had shattered
0:15
the comfortable rhythm of my life. My
0:18
husband David and I had poured every
0:20
last dime of our savings into my
0:21
medication. A cocktail of potent drugs
0:24
that promised to fight the insidious
0:26
enemy devouring me from the inside out.
0:29
Each pill was a tiny beacon of hope, a
0:31
precious commodity in our desperate
0:33
fight. The very next morning, my parents
0:35
appeared at my door, their faces etched
0:38
with concern, but their eyes holding a
0:40
familiar, infuriating softness for their
0:46
What he did was forgivable, Sarah, my
0:48
mother began, her voice dripping with
0:51
saccharine sweetness.
0:53
Family is more important than money. I
0:56
stared at them, disbelief waring with a
0:58
cold fury. "Of course you say that," I
1:02
shrieked, my voice raw. "He's your
1:05
precious golden boy who could do no
1:08
My mother, ever the master of
1:10
manipulation, began to cry, crocodile
1:12
tears streaming down her face. But when
1:15
she saw I wasn't budging, her voice
1:17
hardened, rising to a shrill crescendo.
1:20
"You ungrateful child. How dare you
1:23
speak to us like that?" In that moment,
1:25
something snapped. Just like Jim, I
1:28
snarled, pointing to the door. You can
1:30
both go to hell. I slammed the door
1:33
shut, the sound echoing the finality of
1:35
my decision. My brother had taken my
1:38
future, and my parents had chosen him
1:44
I had to renew my apartment lease for
1:45
another year. The down payment for my
1:47
house a cruel, distant memory.
1:50
It had taken me years of scrimping and
1:52
saving, of denying myself small luxuries
1:55
to build that account.
1:57
And Jim, in his selfish pursuit of a
1:59
quick fix, had obliterated it. My
2:02
parents, true to form, continued their
2:04
relentless campaign of emotional
2:08
"We haven't seen you in a while," my
2:10
mother would lament on the phone, her
2:12
voice laced with thinly veiled guilt,
2:14
tripping. I would remind them why I
2:17
wasn't visiting, Jim. and they would
2:19
launch into their well-rehearsed lecture
2:21
about regretting it when I was old and
2:23
gray, about cherishing the limited time
2:27
"You always have the option to come
2:29
visit me," I'd retort, knowing full well
2:32
I didn't want them to. I saw the game
2:35
they were playing, and I refused to be a
2:37
pawn in their twisted family drama. Then
2:41
one day, my mom tried a different
2:42
tactic. Jim said he missed you," she
2:46
said softly, her voice almost a whisper.
2:49
He said he'll always love the little
2:50
Sarah who we had to clean up after she
2:52
got spaghetti in her hair. The memory, a
2:55
vivid splash of childhood innocence
2:57
flashed in my mind. I was a toddler
3:00
sitting in my high chair, my mother
3:02
trying to feed me spaghetti. I hated
3:05
spaghetti. I had tasted it then, in a
3:08
fit of pure, unadulterated toddler rage.
3:11
I had started throwing it, kicking and
3:13
screaming. The kitchen had become a war
3:16
zone, splattered with red sauce. I'd
3:19
even pulled my hair with my tomato
3:21
stained fingers. I was too young to
3:23
remember the details, but mom would
3:25
always tell this story, and it always
3:27
made me laugh. And then Jim, roughly 12
3:31
at the time, had come to the rescue.
3:34
He'd gently taken me out of the high
3:36
chair, held me, cleaned me up, and even
3:39
helped mom clean the kitchen. Hearing
3:41
that story again, a wave of nostalgia
3:43
washed over me, softening the hardened
3:45
edges of my anger. In a moment of utter
3:48
weakness, a yearning for the family I
3:50
once had, I decided I would give Jim
3:53
another chance, but with more boundaries
3:56
this time. Forgiving him was a slow,
3:59
agonizing process. Days bled into weeks,
4:02
and still a sharp pang of pain pierced
4:04
me whenever I thought of him, whenever I
4:08
He was a constant living reminder that
4:11
my dream of a first house, my years of
4:13
sacrifice were gone. I tried my best to
4:16
be cordial, to push past the bitterness.
4:19
My parents, oblivious to the internal
4:22
war I waged, seemed to bask in the
4:24
perceived improvements in our
4:25
relationship. They invited me more often
4:28
for family dinners, game nights, movie
4:30
nights, a desperate attempt to rewind
4:32
time, to get our relationship back to
4:36
But the sting remained. After a few
4:38
months of painstakingly rebuilding my
4:40
trust in Jim, I felt a fragile sense of
4:43
normaly return. I could laugh a little
4:46
more, be myself again around him. I
4:49
didn't have to guard my purse as much
4:51
anymore. A small but significant
4:55
Soon we were hanging out by ourselves
4:57
again, going on brother sister outings.
5:01
One of our favorite things to do
5:02
together was ziplining. There was this
5:04
place near my parents house, a cliffside
5:07
launch pad in the woods that dropped you
5:08
into a lake. It was terrifyingly high,
5:12
and I never got used to the initial
5:13
plummet, but it was exhilarating.
5:17
Going there with Jim again, sharing that
5:19
thrill, felt like a genuine step
5:21
forward. When we returned home from our
5:23
little adventure, starving, we pulled
5:25
into a fast food drive-thru.
5:28
As Jim reached for his wallet to pay, I
5:30
noticed something. My main credit card,
5:33
my everyday card, was missing. I patted
5:36
my pockets, a knot forming in my
5:38
stomach. Had it fallen out at the
5:40
ziplining place? Jim, ever the smooth
5:43
talker noticed my distress. "Everything
5:46
okay?" he asked. I told him about the
5:49
missing card. "No worries," he said too
5:52
quickly, too easily. "I'll pay." We got
5:56
our food and I dropped Jim off back at
5:58
our parents house. He'd lost his car in
6:00
a bed about a year ago. another red flag
6:02
I'd chosen to ignore. When I got home, I
6:05
checked my wallet again, and there it
6:07
was, my credit card, except it was in a
6:10
different pocket than I usually kept it.
6:12
I shrugged it off, attributing it to
6:16
I was tired, I reasoned. That must be
6:18
why I hadn't noticed it before. I went
6:21
to bed, a false sense of security
6:23
settling over me. The next night, a text
6:25
message from my credit card company
6:27
shattered that fragile piece.
6:29
authorization required for a transaction
6:32
at a casino near your parents house. My
6:35
heart plummeted. The same casino Jim
6:38
frequented, the one where he blew his
6:40
entire paycheck every other Friday. I
6:42
couldn't believe it. He had pulled the
6:45
same stunt again. I immediately declined
6:49
Then, a cold dread creeping into my
6:51
veins, I checked my other accounts.
6:54
He must have taken pictures of my credit
6:56
cards at the drive-thru, then slipped
6:58
them back into my wallet. My other
7:01
credit card apps showed I had hit my
7:03
limit for the month. I knew with a
7:06
sickening certainty that wasn't the
7:09
I tried to call and dispute the
7:11
payments, but the merchants had proof.
7:13
My brother Jim making the purchases.
7:16
They declined my request, leaving me
7:19
responsible for the debt. My blood
7:22
I called Jim. But the phone clicked in
7:25
the middle of the tone like he'd
7:26
declined the call. Coward.
7:29
I called my parents and my mom answered.
7:32
I told her, my voice trembling with
7:34
rage, how Jim had racked up $7,000 worth
7:37
of debt across all my credit cards. She
7:40
started to say she would call him, that
7:42
she would call me back after she spoke
7:44
with him. No need. I cut her off, my
7:48
voice steely. I'm coming over now.
7:52
It was almost 11 at night as I drove to
7:54
my parents house, the anger, a burning
7:56
inferno in my gut. I waited in the
7:59
living room, perched on the edge of the
8:01
sofa, a silent, seething presence. When
8:05
Jim walked through the door, he
8:07
flickered the light on, and I scared the
8:09
daylights out of him when he saw me
8:10
sitting there. "Where's my money, Jim?"
8:13
I demanded, my voice low and dangerous.
8:16
He looked genuinely puzzled, feigning
8:18
innocence. I already know about you
8:20
stealing my credit card information," I
8:22
continued, my voice rising. "Tell me
8:25
where the money is or I'm calling the
8:28
His bravado crumbled. He broke down,
8:31
confessing, tears streaming down his
8:33
face. He said he felt bad about me not
8:35
being able to get into my first house
8:37
because of him, that he wanted to make
8:39
it up to me. So, he used my money to
8:42
play at the casino, hoping to win it
8:43
back for me. It went without saying he
8:46
hadn't won a dime. He'd lost everything.
8:50
"If you felt so bad about stealing my
8:52
money in the first place," I spat.