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Having a romantic partner who suffers from social anxiety can be a challenge
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potentially leading to a whole range of relationship problems. However, there are a couple of practical things that you
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as the partner of a socially anxious person, can do to improve relationship satisfaction for both of you
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In this video, we will discuss five tips to help you do exactly that
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If you feel comfortable doing so, we recommend that you watch this video together with your partner
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and then head over to our video, which directly addresses practical tips for them, people with social anxiety
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All right, let's get started. Before getting started, please note that this video is made for educational purposes only
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and is not intended to substitute professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Also keep in mind that every couple is different and that the following recommendations should
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be taken with a grain of salt as they may not be helpful in every single case. If you struggle with serious relationship issues, you may consider initiating couples
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therapy with a qualified mental health professional. With that said, here are some tips for people who have a romantic relationship with a person
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who struggles with social anxiety. Tip number one, let your partner know that you care
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Having a partner with social anxiety can be hard at times. Your partner may have a greater tendency to avoid fear of social situations, meaning that
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they might shy away from social get-togethers you would like to attend, or they may overshare
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their negative thoughts and negative emotions related to their social fears, bombarding
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you with their fears and worries. Or they may even refrain from sharing any intimate information whatsoever
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In addition to that, your partner may have an increased sensitivity to criticism, engage
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in clinging behaviors, can be excessively submissive, and may lack autonomy, meaning
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that he or she may be very dependent on you. You as their partner may become
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frustrated and perceive these behaviors as a burden which can easily lead to
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outbursts of frustration as well as arguments. While your frustration may be
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understandable keep in mind that your partner is not consciously choosing to
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be this way In fact he or she is suffering significantly because of their social anxiety and would surely change it if it were that simple Let your partner know that you are on their side that you support them and that you are willing to find a way to improve your relationship together
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For example, when discussing your relationship with your partner, it can be helpful to start
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by letting them know that you care deeply about them and your relationship. This will reassure
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them that you are not rejecting them, even if you bring up important concerns and maybe even
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complaints during that conversation. Tip number two, communicate what you need from your partner
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to feel better with your relationship. Depending on your partner and how they handle their social
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fears, they may overwhelm you with their negative emotions and anxious thoughts, or they may do the
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exact opposite and do not share any emotional experiences at all. If these tendencies are
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affecting you and your relationship in a negative way, you may want to address this with your
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partner. It is important that they understand that their behavior has a major impact on your
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well-being and how you feel about the relationship. Think about what you need
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from your partner to feel better and to feel closer to her or him. If you are
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supportive of your partner you have the right to expect the same from them. However be patient with them as behavioral change usually doesn't happen
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overnight. Tip number three and this is an important one do not accept total
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submissiveness from your partner. As I've already mentioned your socially anxious partner might be very dependent on you and your relationship. As a result
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they may assume a submissive position in an attempt to keep you, their partner, happy and content
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People with social anxiety often fear that sharing their honest opinion or being more assertive may
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harm their romantic relationships. This typically happens even with simple things such as not having
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a preference for a movie on date night or where to go on your next vacation. In reality, your partner
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may have important preferences, opinions, or even wants and needs, but may simply not communicate
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them to you for fear that you will end up feeling less satisfied with your relationship This of course is a false and exaggerated belief given that you are a rational and mature person Don take your partner submissiveness at face value Sometimes you just have to ask twice to get an honest answer
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Other times it can also be helpful to let your partner know that you would rather listen to their honest opinion
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than for them to try to make you happy. Even if it's a nice gesture on their part
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you want them to be happy too, right? Tip number four, encourage your partner to break the habit
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of social withdrawal and avoidance. As you surely know by now, social anxiety is marked by high levels of social avoidance
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Your partner may tend to avoid situations that he or she fears, such as family gatherings
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parties or other social events, such as get-togethers with friends. This strategy of avoidance
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may provide short-term relief to your partner, but it tends to maintain and often even increase social anxiety in the long-term
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Therefore, therapy for social anxiety addresses avoidance behavior by encouraging repeated exposure to fear social situations
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This is actually one of the most powerful tools to reduce anxiety. While you as their romantic partner want to be understanding and supportive of your partner's situation
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you can also play an important role in breaking the habit of social withdrawal and avoidance
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For example, you as their significant other may be able to convince them to accompany you to meet friends
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or participate in another social activity that you would like to attend. Especially when these activities are important to you
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your partner may be more willing to make the effort and join you. In doing so, they also perform a therapeutic activity for themselves
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since giving up ongoing avoidance of social interactions is an important achievement for
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people who want to reduce their social anxiety. And tip number five, be aware of your partner's
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marked need to belong. People who struggle with social anxiety typically have a very strong need
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to belong. Of course, we all have this need. However, socially anxious people clearly prioritize
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it above anything else For you as the romantic partner of a person with social anxiety it is very important to understand the role this need plays for your partner The fewer close and meaningful social relationships your partner has the more important you and your romantic relationship tend to become to your partner
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While it may be great to be an important part of your partner's life, if you are the sole
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source of feelings of social acceptance, inclusion and belonging, this can easily become problematic
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Specifically because this intensifies your partner's fear of losing you as their significant other
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lead them to be even more prone to unhealthy relational behaviors such as clinging behaviors
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and extreme submissiveness and to sacrifice other psychological needs along the way such as
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authenticity, autonomy, self-efficacy among others. For this reason it can be crucial for
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your partner to establish and cultivate additional connections that provide some sense of social
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inclusion and acceptance such as friendships or being part of a group that shares a hobby and
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meets regularly. While it is your partner's responsibility to do that it is important that
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you understand the importance of these additional connections. This way, you can reassure your
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partner that you approve of him or her spending time with others and perhaps even encourage him
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or her to seek out these spaces. Also, keep in mind that romantic relationships are quite complex
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In many cases, it can be helpful to work through your issues together with your partner and a
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qualified therapist. If you are interested in initiating couples therapy, we've left a link
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in the description that will take you to an online therapy provider. By using this link
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you may get a discount for your first month of therapy and we may gain a commission at no
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additional cost to you. So if you haven't already watched the video with relationship recommendations
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for people who struggle with social anxiety, meaning for your partner, I recommend you go
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ahead and do that now. And if you've already done that, you may want to check out our video
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on relationship problems and social anxiety, as this may help you better understand the issues
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you and your partner are dealing with. Thanks for watching. Thank you
