0:00
The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a one-hour time limit
0:10
Introducing first, already in the ring because he's not enough of a star to warrant his own
0:16
elaborate entrance, hailing from parts unknown because we can't be bothered to come up with
0:22
a better hometown for him, weighing in at, well, I won't even tell you because it's embarrassing
0:28
how small he is, this is The Mace
0:38
So every time I'm about to get into the ring, I think back to 1986
0:44
I'm six years old, my younger brother's five and my older brother's eight, and we're sitting
0:48
on cold hardwood floors on Cougar Avenue in the Bronx eating frosted flakes that are really
0:54
just generic flakes of corn. The United States of America, he is the wrestling champion, he is Chad Dearday
1:24
The one, the only, the Chad Dearday! Yeah! Yeah
1:38
And Old Glory, instead of coming to jaw at the Fundamentalist manager the way Billy Hartland
1:45
did, makes his move. He still approaches cautiously to give the impression that the Fundamentalist is one
1:51
to be feared, but I know Old Glory's about to put some serious hurt on Billy Hartland
2:21
I mentioned the shit, Sugar Water! I mentioned the shit, wrestling guys
